AIBU to snap after my mum kept calling a bike a trike?

[Crayo]

i am looking to get my daughter her first bike. She’s 5 and has had a balance bike before but never a real bike. Everytime I speak to my mum she asks me if I’ve found a “trike” yet. I keep telling her it’s a bike I’m getting, 2 wheels” and she always says “oh yes, you know what I mean”.

Well this has been going on weeks and literally everytime I speak to her she asks about the “trike” and I constantly correct her and say “bike”. She does have a habit of asking the same question for weeks at a time and she also has form for deliberately saying the wrong words for attention and it’s tiring.

this morning I was at my mums and my sister was there. I went to toilet and when I came back my sister said “not being funny but isn’t DD old enough for a proper bike now?” I asked what she was on about as I am getting her a proper bike and she said “mum! You said she was getting a trike!”

So I lost it, screamed and shouted “stop saying it’s a fucking trike!! You know it’s not so just fucking stop it”

my sister said “Jesus Christ is there any need for that?” So I told her she’s been saying trike for weeks and it’s winding me up so she said “she gets mixed up, there’s no need to scream like that” but the annoying part is she doesn’t get mixed up!!! She does it on purpose and has been doing this for years!

I guess you’re unreasonable for knowing she’s doing it to wind you up and still letting her get exactly what she wants out of it.

I get it though, some people do this on purpose and then go “what? I forgot!” or some other passive aggressive excuse.

Ffs, how important is it? You don’t know if she’s doing it on purpose because you’re not a mind reader but, if she is doing it for attention, surely the best thing to do is completely blank it. YABU for shouting and swearing over something that just gets on your nerves.

I fear the OP could be doing her mum an injustice by thinking it’s deliberate. The fact it’s being going on for years could mean there’s an intrinsic issue with her mother’s speech processing imho.

But all you need to say is "Oh isn't Nanny silly she gets so many things wrong but don't laugh at her because she is old and forgetful.

Does she do the same thing to your sister?

If you think she is deliberately being nasty to you, the only option is to go low contact or no contact. Grey rock. Put her on an information diet.

I hear you OP.

My mother is like this.

My mother used to mispronounce the names to things she didn't approve of, deliberately. She dismissed most learning difficulties as being down to lazy children and parents, so got a bit stuck when DS was diagnosed with dyslexia. She knew that if she tried to tell me it didn't exist, she'd be in trouble, so she always called it "dis-klek-klek-sia" and usually had a couple of goes at it as if it was some really, really weird outlandish thing that was incredibly difficult to pronounce.

This is going to sound really mean, but when she had a mild stroke which affected her ability to pronounce words, I have to admit there was a part of me that felt it was karma.

This. Good grief.
It is highly unlikely your mother is doing this on purpose. She almost certainly just has a blind spot over the two words.
If your mother really is doing this deliberately to wind you up then you must have form for getting upset about the most petty and inconsequential of things. Stop overreacting and perhaps she’ll stop doing it.

Maybe just stop mentioning the bike!

You have issues if this is even an issue.

1. Who actually gives a crap. You know what she means and you are purposely bothered.
2. You screamed and swore at your mother. Not cool.
3. The woman may have dementia which is exceptionally common to use other like words .

YABVVVVU

I do actually kind of understand this. It’s the feeling of not being heard and of what you say not being important.

My dad developed a habit of interrupting what was saying to read signs to me. It irritated me so much I became sullen and morose and it exacerbated the problem as he’d be looking for something to say.

Honestly, OP, if you're right about your mother's motivation, you are playing into her hands by showing it upsets you. Either ignore her or laugh at her, or tell her you're making an appointment with the doctor to assess whether she's losing her cognitive abilities.

Does it matter? 🤷‍♀️

Yeah cause it’s fine to call someone silly who may have dementia. WTAF.

Because every mother/daughter relationship has the same dynamic as yours, right? The correct one? 🙄

Its annoying yes ,but I think you overreacted .However if you buy said bike and show Mum, and she sees DD riding it she can no longer call it a trike !

From what the OP has said, she has been doing it since her (the OP's) childhood so I doubt its dementia. ....but yeah, if it had been a new thing it might be
edit RTFT "Crayo · Today 15:56
People saying it might be dementia - it’s NOT!! She was doing the exact same thing when I was a child and she was in her 30s!!
the bonsai episode was just more of the same - mentioned it once and then was asked about it for weeks whilst she deliberately used the wrong word"

OP I get this… it’s very hard to explain well to people who have never lived with someone who does this. It’s hard to even explain the dynamic or psychology around it. It’s one of those things that sounds soooo trivial but when it’s done deliberately and constantly it does build up.

My mother had form for it and subsequently my older sibling (who loved nothing more than to annoy people - she could start an argument with herself in a phone box!). It was absolutely deliberate.

I don’t have advice - but I do get it.

And I can TOTALLY imagine screaming and swearing at many mothers, including my own!

I find it distasteful that some posters suggest implying to the mother that she has dementia as a punishment. Dementia is a death sentence. It is one of the most feared diseases. If someone on here suggested that they punish an annoying woman by implying that she had breast cancer (75% survival rate now) there would rightly be an outcry. But ‘punishing an older woman’ with talk of her having a terminal illness is fairly common on MN. I can only think that the posters having a ´laugh’ suggesting dementia to the mother as a result of her misusing a word, don’t know the statistics and how much more common the disease is for women. It is cruel and distasteful.

No but swearing at your Mother is never acceptable no matter what the dynamic . Just get some self control maybe ?

'I came to the conclusion that she does it with me to minimise everything I do - “forgets” the right word for stuff to show me how unimportant my thing is'

Hard relate to this OP. My mother has always been the same. It's undermining and dismissive, and really infuriating

As you can see on here, some people get it, and some people don't. I agree with others that the way forward is to put her on an information diet, and don't rise to the bait. I know this is far from easy! But it's the only way to keep your sanity

Also if you swear and shout when someone is deliberately winding you up, they have won. They got what they wanted and you are the bad one.