AIBU to get DS17 nothing for his birthday?

[NavySeal]

It's DS17 birthday today.

We agreed beforehand that we'd pay for half of his driving lessons and he'd pay the other half himself.

AIBU for not getting him anything else or doing anything for his birthday?

Yes you are AIBU . You have already spent a lot of money on your DS so no need to get another big present for him to unwrap. But I do think everyone including DC , whatever their age should receive a bit of fuss and pampering to show how much we love and appreciate them on their special day .

There may be some people who aren’t remotely bothered about birthdays or others who don’t celebrate them because it may trigger unhappy memories eg death of a loved one . Neither of these seems to apply here .
so get a card , small gift , sweets / toiletries . Do something nice this evening , cook his favourite meal / takeaway / go out whatever you can afford . I would also get a cake .

Was there a birthday brekkie or something?
maybe go out for dinner and give him a little something as a present then eg L plates or something driving linked

My dc is getting driving lessons for their17th - they already know this and are happy with it, but also are going to a concert with their dad - they both have similar niche music taste - and I expect I’ll get them a few bits to unwrap as well

I’d do little gifts too as well as card and cake. I’d certainly be celebrating it in some way and it doesn’t have to be big to be appreciated, just being recognised on the day. How are you/he spending the day?

If he is aware that this is his birthday present that doesn't make it so bad but you do need to make sure you actually communicate this with him. I would have also bought him a little something too. I'm surprised after 17 years you need to ask this!

You said happy birthday?

Did you not get him a card and a cake?

If I said no presents I would still get a card, a cake and something to unwrap. Maybe some chocs, smellies etc. You can get quite a bit for £20.

Jesus @NavySeal, how to say you dont like your son without saying you dont like your son

That poor boy.

He won’t really remember that you paid for half of his lessons.
What he WILL remember is that you did fuck all for his birthday.
And he’ll remember how that made him feel.

My DC don’t remember particular gifts, as such. I don’t, either tbh.
They do remember feeling loved and cherished.
Because they ARE loved and cherished.

(and I do the same for my DH!
Funny thing is, I’m not bothered about my own birthday because I buy myself whatever I want. I don’t stint myself.
My DH does a lot for me and my DC love me and enjoy spending time with me. I am perfectly happy with that.)

@NavySeal you should be ashamed of yourself. You are the worst type of parent a kid can get. Well done 👏

Well that’s all a bit shit isn’t it ?
Do you not like him ?

Such a bizarre thread. OP you don't appear to like your son very much

I don't think it would really pull it back much. It would feel like a "whoops, I got this very wrong" sort of gift. A panicked afterthought because the damage is already done.

Perhaps with a really heartfelt apology (which she owes him anyway) then it might just about be better than nothing.

“And I didn’t get anything on Mother’s Day!”

Yes you should get him something.
It doesn't have to be expensive.
A birthday card
Bake a cake
Chocolates / toiletries
If he is into sports you could get him a mystery box shirt - they are about £20. My DS likes them.

Have you given him a card at least? You can make a bit of a fuss without spending much money - special breakfast, happy birthday banner, favourite dinner or choice of takeaway, a cake and candles, printing out a 'driving lessons' voucher, L plates, some sweets or chocolate wrapped up. Driving lessons is an expensive gift but I'm sure he wants to feel you have put thought into his day as well.

What a strange comment, paying a phone contract is similar to giving money but more practical perhaps. You wouldn't give that amount but this person does, so what. I wouldn't spend ten grand on a car, other people do and it doesn't seem strange to me.
Phone paid for is more useful than socks presumably.

I suggest that he’s hurt, rather annoyed. His birth isn’t anything that the OP wishes to celebrate.

But I think this is a windup or some sort of reverse

How do you know be isn't responsible just because his mum pays for hus mobile contract? I pay £7 for my adult daughter's mobile phone package. She's a student doctor & lives 150 miles away. She studies & works hard and is very responsible. She's far from spoilt. It's just a little thing I've aways done & probably always will

I’d get him a smaller present he can open too, or cash.

I don’t understand the need to buy several things - often pointless tat - but I suppose that depends from person to person.

Buy him a set of L plates to go with his lessons amd leave it at that :)

Agreed.
I actively enjoy planning gifts for my DC and DH and I’m extremely good at it.

Ditto other close family members. In fact, anyone that I love and want to give a gift to!
I’ve had people cry happy tears because of gifts I’ve given them.

I’m not bothered about my own because I buy myself anything I want and I’m good to myself 🤣💯
Well, I work hard for it.

I feel very much loved on a daily basis and I’m more than happy to be given a card with something nice written in it. Wish me a happy birthday, make me a cup of tea. That’s all I need.

(my username should tell you all you need to know 🤣 💍 💎 ❤️💯🙌)

Personally, I see the cost of driving lessons and tests as part of the assumed cost of raising kids into functional adults... Like teaching them to swim and ride bikes. It's what my parents did for me, what my husbands parents did for him, and what we will do for our own two in years to come.
At the bare minimum, if you wanted to do the lessons as a "gift", I'd have paid for the whole lot.
"Here's your present son, but you've still got to pay for half." Doesn't feel much like a gift to me. But I do understand that YMMV.

God how mean. Is it even real? Just go and grab him some snack bits, aftershave, a games card … whatever he’s into. I’d never do this

Did you not even get him a token gift to open?
A card? Some sort of celebration? I.e a meal out as a family?
yes, driving lessons are expensive, but for a birthday, he should’ve had something to open as well.
I think you’ve messed up here. I would suggest, going out and getting him something quickly to salvage his day.

You still need to acknowledge his birthday in some way.