AIBU to get DS17 nothing for his birthday?

[NavySeal]

It's DS17 birthday today.

We agreed beforehand that we'd pay for half of his driving lessons and he'd pay the other half himself.

AIBU for not getting him anything else or doing anything for his birthday?

YABVU - He's not annoyed, he will be upset that his family seem to not like him very much or care it's his birthday. Poor kid.

Sorry but I think that's really nasty. You could have got him something small to unwrap on the day. Maybe something like chocolate or funny socks. Something. No card? No cake? No dinner out? Wow...

Nice to be called a ‘miserable sod’ by a complete stranger! 😂 My point is that it’s infantilising a grown adult to pay for what is basically a household bill. Let him stand on his own two feet and pay his way in life. And also, I very much doubt a year’s mobile contract is £100, more like £300.

Take him out for a meal by all means, or buy him something practical. How is that ‘miserable’?

Kindly but I did start to wonder if this post was for real.

Who on earth wouldn't do a card and a small token gift (even if literally just a chocolate bar or muffin as a 'birthday' cake)?

Unless, and sorry for asking, you are ND? @NavySeal

Also, and I realise funds may be tight, but we did actually pay for all our YP's lessons and so did everyone I know. But again, if funds are tight I think paying for half is OK.

But I am slightly at loss what to say.

Of course he's annoyed - his parents couldn't even be arsed to buy him a card, a cake or arrange a token gift for his birthday

My DC just turned 18 and hasn’t gone out with friends. I’ve offered to pay for whatever but they are not bothered.

Other DC 19 would be completely devastated not to have had any gifts or been made a fuss of.

Still goes down to the door to see if anyone sent a card through the post so I make a point of doing that (because one year I didn’t and the disappointment on their face was horrible.)

Neither of them are neurodivergent btw. They are perfectly normal teenagers with plenty of friends and a wide range of interests.

They are completely loved and adored therefore they will continue to receive thoughtful, generous presents.
I didn’t find them under a gooseberry bush, they were very much wanted.

If the person who is supposed to love you the most in all the world can’t make an effort for your birthday (the day that you celebrate when they were born!) then really, you (not you, specifically) should just FTFO.

Getting nothing physical - no. You’ve agreed to fund half the lessons. That’s about 10 lessons which is approx £350. That’s a LOT for a birthday present.

Doing nothing. Yes YABU. I had done a nice breakfast and would have planned a meal out, or mates round for a BBQ.

Thing with buying token gifts of socks etc is IMO it gives the impression you haven’t done enough (providing £350 of lessons!)

Card, four pack of his favourite drink, Sweets and crisps. I hate not hanging something over!!

Yeah I think that's tight.

We got DD a new phone for her recent birthday, it was more than double what my usual birthday budget is but she needed a reliable phone as her old one was dying. We still made sure she had some sweets to unwrap and a present from her sister.

We also took her out somewhere for lunch and did an activity. Worked overtime to pay for it but it's worth it for the fun day we had.

One of the trauma list he shares with his future wife lol. Run out get a cake and a present and suggest dinner and give them him at dinner OP. Sorry but he’s 17 not 40, celebrate him a bit

To the ‘he’s not a kid’ people- everyone 0 to a hundred deserves to have a fuss made of them and to have a card and a few bits. Db is 40 and every year I have a happy birthday balloon for him!

Bridesmaidorexfriend

my post is nothing to do with yours btw🙈😉😅

I am indeed Gen X, and I have paid off my mortgage by working for the past 36 years. Sorry that you’re jealous about that. I certainly wouldn’t have any adult child over about 25 living at home, adults need to make their own way in life, without being mollycoddled by Mummy paying their bills. Millennials are a bloody awful generation of entitled pricks, precisely because of over-indulgent parents.

You aren't paying for them though, you're paying for half of them?
Not really sure why you're asking on here taking him for dinner would be "ok" - ask him!!!!

Personally I would have got him a few small bits to unwrap yes. If you're spending hundreds on driving lessons (and have said you can afford it), then an extra £20-40 quid on a few cans of beer/his favourite snack/a t shirt/branded water bottle for a sports team he supports or whatever wouldn't have broken the bank.

And gone for a meal as well.

She could pop out, get the things and give him them this evening with the meal & pretend she kept them for then

pull it back a little.

Cake and a couple of token gifts (sweets etc) surely?

It is sad that you didn’t do anything at all. Didn’t you get a card? What about a cake? I’d have given him something, even if little token things like wrapped up fancy chocolate (or whatever he likes) or a t-shirt. Just to show you cared.

But it’s a bit late now! Maybe see if you can salvage by making a fuss with a lovely cake?

I’d be doing a nice card and “stocking filler” pressies. Socks, chocs, shower gel, car smelly, car cleaning things assuming he’ll get a car soon? And a cake of course!

£5 a month on a phone contract is not mollycoddling someone.

she gets him a gift he appreciates and one that makes it easier for them to stay in contact.

I’m sure he is grateful for it

This is mean… no wonder he is upset! you could have gone to the pound shop and bought some banners/ balloons/ packets of his fav sweets - you could have done anything apart from the way you have behaved.

I feel sorry for him!!
I hope his mates show more effort than you have.

okay boomer! 🤣

while, like all generations, we have our annoying traits, given the oldest millennials are 46 now 'little brats' is fairly inaccurate - if anything, if someone called me that I'd probably take it as a compliment and assume you thought I was much younger, albeit a spoiled twat!

I agree, I felt upset for her son after reading this post. I commented and thought about it whilst cleaning the kitchen, I found this post a bit heartbreaking.

Completely agree. I paid for some of mine but my dad paid for most of them. It was a tenner back then.

I will be paying for my DC to learn at £90 per week between them. I’ll go without whatever to facilitate this.

Christ, there are some really mean people on here!
NOTHING for their child’s 17th birthday?
I couldn’t live with myself if I did that.
I’d have to be so skint that I couldn’t afford a Freddo before I’d treat the person I loved the most like that.

The thread is a bit pointless if the OP isn't going to say why she doesn't want to celebrate her child.

She could but she’s already upset him, pretending a couple of stocking filler type presents were an evening ‘surprise’ is unlikely to fix it. Probably better off saying sorry and asking what he’d like to do to celebrate