AIBU to get DS17 nothing for his birthday?

[NavySeal]

It's DS17 birthday today.

We agreed beforehand that we'd pay for half of his driving lessons and he'd pay the other half himself.

AIBU for not getting him anything else or doing anything for his birthday?

Aww, poor lad! I'd at least have got him a token present and a b'day cake. Please tell me you got him a cake?!

Dinner out is very generous though :-)

My parents did this for my 17th. My present to open was an application form for my provisional licence which I could have picked up for free at the post office, and a promise of driving lessons which I didn't book for another 6 months. Rightly or wrongly I felt extremely disappointed and like they didn't really care about my birthday. It took me several weeks before I told them how I felt and now I'm in my 40s I still remember the feeling of disappointment more than I remember any presents I got at other birthdays. So yes, I would make sure you make something more of his birthday today.

Oh. The poor boy!!!! He’s not annoyed hes
hurt!!! What’s wrong with you?!!
Do something!!!! He won’t forget this.
shame on you parents

Totally agree. If finances don't allow make that clear.

Did you specifically say that the driving lessons were in lieu of a birthday gift? To be honest, if I were doing that I would be paying for all the lessons.

Absolutely take him out tonight. It might be an idea to get something like a book so he can study for the theory test.

Buy some L plates to wrap? A keyring? copy if the Highway Code? And defo get a card/cake etc

I think nothing at all would make a 17 year old feel unloved. It's not necessary to spend a lot of money, but where we get our teens abstract gifts (as in paying for something in the future or money towards something very expensive) we get them something small to open as well - if appropriate related to the main intangible present.

We always do a cake and dinner (or lunch if they want to go to dinner with friends or boy/ girlfriend or do something involving being out by dinner time) of their choice - out or I cook their choice or takeaway, whatever they want on that day.

Take him out to dinner. Maybe you can also pop out and get him some snacks he likes or go to the shops together if he is up for that and buy a few bits of clothing - t-shirts or similar.

We gave our children driving lessons for their 17th birthday BUT on the day wrapped up the Highway Code, Theory trial test papers, L plates, P Plates and as a joke fluffy dice ! A big box of their favourite sweets was also loved.

Buy him a few small consumable gifts to open and a birthday cake with candles. You can still have a party to celebrate together 🙂

If you can't afford it, you have no business having kids TBH. It's part of the cost of raising them to adulthood.

Jesus we bought our 17 a car for her birthday and paid for driving lessons and test etc and still bought her a few token bits to wrap up, dad cake and went out for dinner because it’s a birthday and it’s customary to open presents on your birthday!!

nothing? at all? he needs a card and a couple of small things. what were you thinking.

hes old enough to maybe have his own plans for tonight so i’d ask him about dinner soonish to make sure it’s ok.

id defo give him something, a couple of chocolate bars and some shower gel and a pair of socks or whatever you want for a tenner. that’s not much.

id get it now and providing hes up for dinner give to him then. that looks planned rather than forgotten about it overlooked. “i know we said no presents as the driving lessons are dear but here’s a couple of small things to mark the occasion”.

Personally I feel like if you’re going to support your child in learning to drive at 17 rather than them choosing to do it later on, then you as a parent should be funding it. Driving lessons might be expensive, but that doesn’t make them a gift, and particularly when you’re only paying for half of them. It isn’t clear why that is, if you’re comfortably off as you say? Do you not like your DS? Or want him to have a nice birthday? It also feels quite cold not to at least buy some small token gifts for him to open.

Some people on here forget they are in a financially privileged situation compared to others.

Not everyone can afford to pay for their 17to to learn to drive let alone pay for that AND a birthday gift.

Some people can only afford a T shirt and a choc bar and a cake for a birthday and it’s offensive to suggest this is just a “token gift”.

Cop on MNers. I do think OP is BU to do nothing (card/cake/ cook fave meal) but to suggest only paying half of the lessons (prob at least £350) stingy etc is ridiculous.

Im glad in my family we are sensible with gifts. We don’t show love through financial expression and we aren’t broke!

For my ds 17th my dad paid for his first lesson through an instructor id already sought out. I paid for a block for 10 hours/lessons afterward.

Lucky for DS who was responsible for paying the rest he only needed 2 more lessons (1 hour each) as his test was a few weeks away. But if it took 10/20 more he would have been paying - I may have thrown some cash his way to cover 1 or 2 but if he wants to learn to drive he needed to realise it costs money.

Same with running a car.

We are a family who insist on “something to open to mark the day” wouldn’t necessarily be something big, Highway Code, key ring, favourite chocolates. Something like that.

This has to be a reverse and you’re the son.
Either that or you really DGAF about your son, you know, the person whom you’re supposed to love the most?

This thread is simultaneously making me infuriated and really sad.
My DC just turned 18 and I spent absolutely hours thinking about and finding really special gifts.

Gifts that made him exclaim WOW, gifts that brought tears to his eyes, gifts that made him cackle with laughter, gifts that he loved.

Why did I do this? Because he is the most precious thing in my life, along with my other DC, and I wanted to reflect that on his birthday.

OP, if this is true, you should be ashamed of yourself. Even if you had absolutely no money whatsoever, you could still have made his day special.

It’s too late now. He already knows that you CBA with him.
He will never forget how you made him feel.

And don’t anyone bother telling me I’m being dramatic etc. We all know that feeling unloved or unthought of sticks with us.
I’ve seen enough threads here over the last 17 years to know this.

(edited to correct a grammatical error. And yes, I know that unthought of is made up.)

Well real life doesn’t work out that way

Who said anything about him getting a car? Op didn’t. And she didn’t say she got a card, just that she’s considering a meal out.

They, as a couple who have the means, pay half as his one and only present and he’s 17 paying the other half. Doesn’t seem like a fair distribution to me. Tight indeed, they didn’t even bother to get him something to open.

It does seem a bit cold.
I think some other acknowledgment other than ‘ happy birthday’ would be in order. I’m not one to make huge fuss of birthdays but even I would have made or bought a cake and gotten some shower gel or a book and maybe made him full English breakfast/ favourite food

Not even a card, a big bar of his favourite chocolate and a cake/special birthday dinner (or anything else small that he would appreciate?)

YABU.

It’s just plain daft to state that you think people shouldn't have kids if they can’t afford to pay for full driving lessons 17 years later. You sound ridiculous.

Although I do disagree with this. My parents didn’t do it for me (not to do with money, my mum never drove and just relied on other people to ferry her around and I think it just didn’t occur to her that it might be a good thing for us to drive), I did it when I could afford it.
It does depend partially on where you live too, there are places where it’s actually quite inconvenient to drive locally.
I do agree that it can really help push dc to a more advantageous position when they’re that age to be able to drive though and we saved to to do it for her and the next one who turned 17 the year after. It’s been hugely beneficial for both of them in terms of jobs, uni, trips etc.

I’m m taking my daughter to London for a couple of days for her birthday. But there’s no way in hell I’d have her waking up on her actual birthday to no presents. That must really suck for your DS.

Do you realise quite how ridiculous you sound?