Double ear piercing at age 11

[daisyfallout]

My daughter is about to start secondary school and had her transition days this week.

One of the girls in her new class has double ear piercings, and, irrationally, it rubbed me the wrong way. I can't even quite explain why! My brain seems to file it somewhere closer to a tattoo than a standard ear piercing, even though I know that's not really logical.

My daughter had her ears pierced earlier this year after I finally surrendered, and I have double piercings myself. So it's not as though I have particularly puritanical views.

And of course, my daughter has now spotted this girl and immediately launched the campaign for a second piercing before September. I fear the siege may be a long one, and history suggests the defenders rarely win.

AIBU to think that a double ear piercing is a bit too much at age 11? Or am I actually a latent pearl clutcher?

One of the fascinating things about being a parent is being confronted with the realisation that some/many of your assumptions about this kind of thing are entirely arbitrary.

When my DD was 15 she had lovely long hair but decided that wanted an undercut. The words "absolutely not" were on the top of my tongue until I thought about it and realised it's not my hair so why should I refuse? It's just hair. It would grow back. So I said yes and she looked fab.

Same with a second ear piercing - it's just a small hole that would be pretty much invisible without anything in it.

But do you really think there's a difference in 'gillick competence ' between 1 piercing and 2?

Tongue piercings!? I had a friend who had her tongue pierced when she was 20 and the recovery was really hard.

I dont think it, but for some reason I feel it. I admitted in my OP that it is not a rational position.

From someone with a fuck-tonne of piercings: second lobe absolutely fine (although she probably won’t be able to wear them both at school). Anything cartilage, wait until she’s older. A decent piercer won’t do it anyway.

Incidentally the one piercing I have never had is my navel. I saw too many of them go rancid as a teenager and leave horrible scars.

Who the fuck is piercing an 11 year olds tongue?!

For me, it’s on the young side and you’re starting to let a child “rebel” early so there’s little room for them to do something as a teen.

Tongue piercings at 11/12? That's horrific - professional guidelines for piercers state any oral piercings shouldn't be done before 16/18 years of age. Their tongue is still growing in early teens, new teeth coming through which could be damaged by a tongue piercing.

Dd3 wants her belly button done but they won’t do it until 16 round here, which I’m on board with (she’s 14).

Yes, we've already done that one. She went from an impressive mane of hair and a thick braid to a short undercut.

I think my reluctance came from having the adult knowledge of exactly how long it takes to grow a short haircut out again, including that compulsory year long interval where you resemble a homeless poodle. I did not say anything but was really against it in my head.

Then remembered how at about 14 I gave myself a fantastic Amelie style haircut with the kitchen scissors. At that point I concluded that paying a professional was better.

I have lots of piercings and I have told DD she can't get her ears pierced at all until she's in secondary school (she's 6 and has already asked to get them done) I just want to make sure she's mature enough to understand aftercare and change them herself for PE etc. If I saw another kid with two I would think it was unusual but it wouldn't bother me, it's their/ their parent decision

No decent, proper piercer would do an 11 year olds tongue! Where are these kids going??

No, it’s too mature for an 11 year old child. Have her wait another 4-5 years.

There are nose, tongue, belly button piercings at DD’s school. My DD is 12 and was only allowed her first set done after her Y6 residential trip and then immediately started talking about getting her seconds. We’ve stayed firm in that any further piercings will be paid for by her and can wait until she’s 18.

I’ve got my daith and rook pierced in the last few years so it’s not a moral thing. It’s because piercings are expensive, take maintenance and can be addictive.

I am 55 i got my second ear piercing at 12 just before I went to high school, surely you have seen girls with multiple ear piercing?

My daughter had double piercings in her ears age 12. It looks nice, her schools are fine with it as long as she just wears studs. Comparing it to a tattoo is a bit ridiculous 😑 piercings are the one thing as a parent I can't get het up about, piercings can be taken out.

You are somehow illogical yes lol my oldest is 14 and has 3 piercings in each ear. She's a very well behaved rule abiding child and causes us no issue whatsoever. She just likes her piercings. She also likes tattoos but obviously that will be for later. Stop judging on ridiculous things. And i say that as someone who does enjoy a bit of people-judging
But even that is taking it too far for me 😂
Fwiw my kids had their ears pierced very young, partly cultural reasons. And they are all very happy we did things this way. That way they have a piercing that is fully settled in and no risk of closing in by the time we faff around with school rules and hobbies. Definitely worked for us. My boy also has his ears pierced and he's very happy with that.

I'm being completely honest when I say I never saw girls that age (10-11) with anything beyond a standard pair of earrings. I didn't go to school in the UK, though, and all my daughter's friends are primary aged. At my own school, a second ear piercing would probably have been enough for teachers to start viewing a girl as a bit of a "problem child", it was very conservative.

@daisyfallout This is fair if you didn't grow up in the uk , I think you need to relax a bit you are putting "labels" on kids when there is absolutely no need.

But that's exactly why I'm asking, to get a bit of a reference frame. I'm not judging at all, as I said I have double lobe piercings myself (although done relatively recently). By the standards of my school, I finally qualified as a bad girl at nearly 40.

My DD’s best friend had two piercings in year six. She went on to go to university for costume design at St Mary’s and now she is a costume designer for a ballet company in Europe. She was always interested in clothes and what things looked like. She was good at anything visual and was always sort of looked down on at school. I always used to think that if she had been a boy she would have been championed. But as a girl people thought she was shallow and not very clever.

I don't really know what you are asking tbh, the school allow it the girls parents allowed it they obviously don't think it is a massive deal, not every parent will allow their daughter to get their ears pierced because views and values are mixed, there is no "norm".

My GD had two over the past couple of years, she's 11 now, my GS has just one. They can only wear studs.

I've found this fascinating thank you @daisyfallout as the mother of DD11 who is also about to start secondary education i hadn't thought about ear piercing at all.

My DD spent her last few years of primary in SCU with all boys so it's just not been on either of our radars and I now have time to sort through my feelings on this before Sept. Like you I'm against a double piercing but I'd be ok with a single piercing (DD currently has zero) and I don't really know why? Especially as in theory she would potentially be getting them all at the same time.

Definitely food for thought and something to ponder on over the summer so I have my reasons ready for whatever decision I eventually make by the time she asks. Thank you for posting the question and I hope your summer doesn't become a huge battle!

I’m not clutching pearls, but it would be a flat no from me, she’s only just had the first lot done.

She can do it herself later when she’s old enough not to require your permission.

I would be clear that was my final decision and pestering behaviours will have negative consequences.

She’s starting secondary, so a good time to set new expectations and boundaries.

Dd had two at that age, 15 years ago, I really didn't think it was a big deal.