AIBU to be pissed off with my inappropriate dentist.

[MurkyMo]

I asked my private dentist for a referral letter to a specialist as I have longstanding pain from a tooth that's had a lot of work done. I think the filling is bad or the tooth has a micro fracture, pain started the day after it was done. Decay was left inside and then I ended up with root canal treatment. Then a second RCT. My new dentist thinks there's nothing wrong with the tooth hence my move to an endodontist. But that's not the problem, the problem is the referral letter he wrote.

I gave him a document with a diary of my symptoms and treatments thinking it might help him find the problem and he says about it "tellingly, she references her own autism in it." Tellingly???? wtf?!

He says "I am not convinced that this is a dental problem, but appreciate that her dental fixation might be provoking a response in an already sensitised area"

Fixation??? WTF???? He's not a psychologist, why is he putting that in a referral letter to an endodontist. Surely it should be a clinical letter simply pointing out my symptoms and his clinical findings, not some amateur psychological assessment of me that dismisses my symptoms and alludes to my autism being part of the problem.

Any dental or medical professionals think this is off??

And what will the endodontist make of it?

I'm raging!

He's a dick and the way he wrote it is disgusting and dismissive. But when I started reading I thought it was going to abit humourous because yeah it reminded me of when I went to the GP to request a referral for an autism assessment and gave her so much evidence and information on autism in adults including the contact details for our closest assesment center that diagnoses adults and the process that she, the GP, would need to follow to do the referral for me. She didn't read anything I gave her and my "work" was used a supporting evidence for why I have autism. I was SO offended. I have known other autistic people have the same kind of thing used as evidence for their autism.
I dunno, I guess neurotypicals just turn up to a professional and trust them to do their job whereas we turn up and have already done their job and are just requesting their signature 🤣 .

Anyway, yeah he's a dismissive arrogant dick, not surprising. It's normal for doctors of all kinds to dismiss women, especially women with disabilities or mental health issues. Yeah it's absolutely shit and I sympathise. I hope you find a dentist that takes you seriously.

You have the right to access your records, but only after going through a formal request. However, OP's dental practice emailed her a copy so she had open access. If you'd RTFT you'd see we already covered that.

I was replying to someone who said OP shouldn't have read the letter!!

You are inferring though that all people with ASD are the same and that medical professionals should have a set of symptoms accordingly. I have a (adult) child with ASD, who is highly educated, good professional etc, yet they would never contemplate researching anything that they don’t believe is their remit. In the situation you describe, they would think it’s the dentists job to know what is wrong, not their role to research it and then tell the dentist their job. They would be gobsmacked at your approach, yet you both have ASD, but you think everyone should have a clear understanding of ASD?

”Autism” covers a huge spectrum of difficulties and needs so YABU to assume that the dentist will automatically understand exactly how your autism affects you and what accommodations you require.

If you are going to mention it in situations like this then it’s better to clarify exactly why it’s relevant and what you are asking them to do/not do in order to support you, rather than assume the dentist knows automatically and then disparage them when they don’t.

Your post is also confusing in that you keep talking about a problem with a filling but then say you’ve had a root canal treatment, which would involve removing any fillings. It’s not clear if the root canal was done by an endodontist or by your dentist. From what I can tell, your dentist doesn’t think there is any issue with the root canal that would explain the pain but you don’t believe this. I can understand he would be very reluctant to remove the tooth if he thinks it is not the cause of the pain as this is an irreversible step that will potentially lead to having to spend thousands on implants.

With everything going on I would suggest finding a new dentist might be the best way forward. They can give you a second opinion and advise you on further treatment as required.

. I imagine it might help them understand why I will go off on many tangeants when explaining the problem or won't mind that that I have researched a medical condition for hours and hours and know that's what I have and tell them in order to save everyone's time!

I don't think a patient has to be autistic to diagnose themselves through Dr Google. Doctors and dentists will have seen that many times. However, in spite of your research you are not the expert here and whatever you tell them is wrong they will still make the diagnosis the proper way. Imagine the headlines if all went wrong and the medic's excuse was "the patient told me what was wrong and I acted on it"

Nevertheless the letter is a bit harsh. Would you rather they had picked up the phone to their colleague to say it? At least there is transparancy here.

I dunno, I guess neurotypicals just turn up to a professional and trust them to do their job whereas we turn up and have already done their job and are just requesting their signature 🤣

Again, not all NT’s are the same and would do as you say, and not all ND’s are the same and would do as you say. There would be a mix for both, so you can’t really say it’s a sign either way. There are lots of NT’s who use Dr Google and are happy to pass that info onto medico’s (ask me how I know ….).

This would give me the absolute rage op. I think I would contact the practice manager because it's blatant disability discrimination.

Yes, you were replying to me..!

I agree with this unfortunately. Hyper fixation is common in autistic people and has to be considered. However, you can also challenge those assumptions now you are aware of them. As for his qualifications, I would guess that all dentists come across a fixated client at some point

You definitely should have read it, and this sort of behaviour is exactly why.

Don't use the referral letter at all. Don't give any new dentit the details of your previous dentist either. You can make something up, say you were getting treated abroad or he went bankrupt and you can't get the records.

I never mention autism now, a lot can probably highly suspect I have it, but I had a pretty poor medical care experience because they got fixated on autism, therefore I must be anxious, and therefore I must have health anxiety (i dont) and so the symptoms that were glaring them in the face were just a figment of my imagination and its something I avoid now.

YANBU to be annoyed, hopefully the specialist will take the passive aggressive letter with a grain of salt and form their own opinions upon their investigation.

Thank you so much for this. That's exactly it! And I love that you had everything done for the GP including where she should send you! I do that too, Hi doc, I have such and such and will be needing a prescription for this medication please 😂

Oh dear my brain isn't what it was. OP should definitely read referral
letters and other information held about her. It isn't secret. I am not sure why you think she shouldn't?

@MurkyMo my dh went to the dentist as he had excruciating pain when he ate on it. They said it was fine and might be nerve pain. He went back several times and eventually they saw it had a very fine crack right through the middle of it so they finally pulled it out and he had no more pain.

😊 I think as a nt, generally, we turn up having a decent idea of what might be wrong, but expect the professional to do their job well. So we give them space to do so. This allows them to keep their ego.

If they do not diagnose as expected, we tend to ask leading questions, ie how do you feel about the possibility of....?

I love a few Nd people, but ime subtlety is not their strength.

Anyway, hope you get sorted quickly, op. It sounds awful. X

I get why you’re angry I would be too. However if a healthcare professional reaches the view that it’s all in your head, that is their conclusion and they are right to pass it on in a referral letter.

This is it, in a nutshell.

YOU mentioned your autism, and you are saying here that it’s relevant to your teeth….so why are you annoyed that the dentist referenced it?

You can’t have it both ways.

Rubbish!!!

but its not the 'full picture'. hes not qualified to make that comment.

Another example of a man ignoring a womans pain and telling her it doesnt exist and its all in her head. Time after time after time this is found to be wrong.
Id report him to a professional body.

Have it out and be done with.

that would just give them a laugh and the GDC are not renowned for their sense of humour

That’s nonsense. All the private doctors and dentists that I use send me a copy of any referral letters or the reports they send back to my GP.

Also, kindly, if you aren't a medical professional in that specific area then you haven't really "done their job".

What you have done is spent a long time researching and educating yourself as well as you know how, because you are feeling anxious and want to know as much as you possibly can, to try and cover all bases and get the best outcome.

That's understandable and not always a bad thing (I do the same), but unless you are also a dentist, you don't actually have the same knowledge and experience as they do.

You might know more than the average person, but some of what you have learned may be wrong, and there may be big gaps in it.

Even when you have done a large amount of research, the professional, who has studied and worked for many years, is coming from a place of more experience than you. That doesn't mean they are always right but to a degree, your anxiety probably does feed into this.

I get it, I do, (I'm also neurodivergent and I do the same as you) - and I do not think he should have talked about your autism the way he did, at all - but this is also just something to keep in mind generally.

Also worth noting that very few people find it easy to fully trust medical professionals - a lot of people have a difficult time and have anxiety, whether they are neurodiverse or not.

I hope you get the outcome you need from all of this, it sounds very stressful (and painful - tooth pain is horrible).