AIBU to suggest a Barbados birthday trip if friends pay flights?

[ratche]

I have my 30th birthday coming up in January and was thinking it would be nice to have a big trip with friends to celebrate. I love Barbados as do some of my friends. I go for a week every winter.

I found a really nice villa for a week that would cost around £4,000. 3.5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, living room, garden, pool. It’s a big space. We’d be three couples.

I was going to offer to my friends to pay for the villa if they covered their own flights. One couple is comfortably off so this will be no problem, plus they only fly biz or first. My other friends work for non profits so earn something like £40k each, so dropping £600 on flights might be a bit much, but when I mentioned in the past they seemed keen.

AIBU to suggest this? I guess I could probably pay for half of their flights but don’t want them to feel under any pressure.

Yes you could suggest it and check it's a runner. Personally I think it's very generous of you. Anytime I've attended anything like this we have split all costs.

I would suggest it, but approach them before the other couple maybe.

Are you all turning 30 this year, so it's a big birthday for more than just you? If not, then it's a bit selfish if the other couples don't want to spend that kind of money. What if only some of your friends want to go? What do you do then? Perhaps you could offer a cheaper alternative and see which people prefer? EG either a luxury place in the UK or France or the Caribbean villa and then you can all decide.

No harm in asking

As a PP suggested, sound out the lower earning couple first, before mentioning it to the others. That way they won’t be so embarrassed if they have to say they can’t stretch to it.

Absolutely this. They can only say no.

No harm in asking, but I (relatively low earner) really resent other people having expectations on how I will sieve my spare time and money. Three years later, my sister is still sulking that I did not fly to Greece for 3 days with my kids, during term time, for her decade birthday.

Although it obviously was an expectation in your sister’s case, the OP clearly wants to frame this as a genuine invitation, without putting pressure on her less well off friends to attend if they don’t want to.

I think the difficulty in this situation is that if the third couple feel they can’t afford the expense of a week in Barbados (which isn’t cheap, and the flights and villa will not be the only costs) they’ll worry that saying no will make them the killjoys who disappoint everyone else and scupper the OP’s birthday plans. Which is tricky.

Can you just have a private chat with one of them to float the idea and see what the reaction is, @ratche? Emphasise that you don’t want them to feel pressured to agree to the trip and will rethink if it doesn’t work for them. Making the invitation to everyone at the same time will put them in a much more difficult spot.

It’s not just the flights and accommodation thought, it’s the food drink and entertainment when there, I’d ask, it’s still a cheap hol for them, but for many money is tight right now, 600 on flights, is 1200 for two, then food drink etc, so they could be looking at 2k.