To dislike sharing platters/buffers at wedding?

[Ihavebingowings1]

We went to one on Saturday which had a sharing platter, food was brought to the table in big dishes and we were to share it out between the 8 of us. There were 3 of us and we didn't know the other 5. The seating space was quite small to begin with, we found that some people would keep that dish for themselves rather than passing it around, until they were asked to. Or, they'd take 50% of the dish for themselves then pass the rest around.
You couldn't really just eat the meal due to having to keep passing things around, and at one point a girl I didn't know rudely reached right over my plate to get something. I said to her 'I'd have passed that to you'.
I understand they're cheaper, and I personally couldn't afford the typical sit-down meal but I wasn't a huge fan, anyone else?

You seem to have ended up at a table of very inconsiderate, not to say rude people. Whilst this is unfortunate, one would hope that this is not typical.

I would prefer individual plates but couldn’t get worked up about this.

It’s not my cuppa tea! I don’t even like this set-up at Sunday dinner at the MILs, it’s just annoying and not enjoyable.

I agree. I think a lot of people have become increasingly coarse over the last few decades. Hardly anyone now sits down to a family meal around a table - you read on MN about the love of takeaways eaten in front of the telly.

Sitting at a table has all kinds of implications for behaviour: passing things to other people before serving yourself, checking everyone has what they need before you start, eating in a reasonably civilised way so as not to make other people feel nauseous! Not just helping yourself to more than your share. I was taught always to check your neighbours have everything they need before you start eating.

I've seen some horrible, boorish behaviour at buffets. Some guests (mainly men, but not only) see a plate of say, slices of beef, and just load 10+ on to their plates, when really 1 or at most 2 would be their share. I detest people like that. Look around you, read the room! How much of the buffet do you think is YOUR share??

A friend of mine was at the last table to be called to a buffet at a wedding, only to find a few bits of bread and salad leaves left, while other people had loaded their plates as if they hadn't eaten for a week.

Probably wouldn’t have been my first choice, but it’s just a wedding meal, I wouldn’t have been that bothered.

One benefit should be that it gets people who don't know each other talking to each other as an ice breaker when they have to ask to pass the carrots over or whatever.

Of course that relies on people having basic social skills like talking to each other and an awareness of how to share a plate of food that is for 8 people between 8 people before taking a great pile for yourself.

Sharing platters give me the heebie jeebies due to (medical) dietary needs. Unless its essential I prefer food that hasn't been touched by other people.

Doesn’t bother me, of course individual portions are better if you don’t know the others, but the rest of your table seems unusually inconsiderate

@CoffeeCantata that's awful.
We have done buffets at various family events, but I always ask the venue to bring the food out in stages - 60% at the start, then the rest 20 -30 mins later, so those who were busy chatting/at the bar/running after a toddler when it first came out still gets some, plus if looks like less, then people tend to do less 'loading'. I would have been mortified if I was hosting that wedding.

So many moans on MN about - horror! - having to sit with strangers at a wedding. It really does seem that basic manners of making conversation and passing the salt etc are in decline.

I don’t care how posh your frock is - if you can’t make reasonable small talk and behave at a table!

I dislike a buffet. I don’t want to queue for food and I am probably wearing sitting-down shoes anyway. But I have been to two weddings where generous sharing platters were brought to the table for guests to serve themselves and it was lovely. The bride and groom had put a lot of thought into the table plan and put us with people they thought we’d get along with and the sharing platters were a lovely ice breaker.

What on earth are sitting down shoes?

I don't think I've ever expected the food to be the standout element of a wedding (apart from the tiny ones at proper restaurants). It's mass catering, end of.

The point of a wedding is to celebrate two people you presumably like. The lunch might not be Michelin quality but it's not the point. If your abiding memory of the entire day is to turn your nose up at the food and post about it online, my question is whether you actually liked the bride and groom that much in the first place? Were you there to celebrate them and enjoy the company of other people you liked, or were you there to judge their catering decisions?

This thread reveals more about you than them.

I'd marginally prefer this set up IF you have to have it buffet style. It would save standing there in a long queue. I've never had this set up though at a wedding.

Those on your table sound quite rude though.

I agree. We went to a wedding recently where the starter was a buffet, 1 per person of each thing. People were called up by table and by the time we went up some of the things were gone. We also saw DC being allowed up by their parents for seconds before we could have any.

Yes, just give me a plate of food. I went to one like the OP but I'm veggie so everyone else on the table could eat everything whereas I could only have half the dishes.

I enjoy the kind of buffets where there is a server who dishes out whatever you fancy from the many dishes on offer - in the right serving size. That's mostly hot food though, but it works well and keeps the greedy sods from over stacking their plates. Otherwise, if it's a free for all, you will always get the greedy guts and those who are too polite to say anything often go a bit hungry!

Absolutely. Due to serious medical problems my husband is immunosuppressed, and so we are very aware of cross-contamination. Unless we are first at the buffet, he doesn't eat. Watch people with unwashed hands touch stuff they aren't taking to eat, riffle through sandwich platters, let their sleeves/clothes brush through dishes. Revolting.

Apart from the fact you have to be a bit wary of buffets anyhow. How long has the food been standing? I once went to a work party where the buffet was laid out (unrefrigerated and uncovered) on side tables when we arrived at 6, but we weren't eating until 8. When we ate, I just had cheese sandwiches and a bit of cake, as I wasn't happy about this, those who ate the seafood salad and chicken dishes got severe food poisoning.

Well, there were people at the table who clearly had very bad manners. But passing dishes around is pretty normal unless it’s silver service or already dished up (plated). It’s a way of getting everyone interacting.