Was I Unreasonable to Request a Female OT?

[otnot]

I moved into a council property in February and the housing association referred me to the council for an OT assessment. Today I received a call from a man saying I'd been referred and could he come and see me. I asked if it would be possible to have a female instead, and he seemed really offended. He asked why did I want a woman, and I awkwardly said that I'd feel more comfortable talking about things like toilet needs with a female. He said he'd been an OT for 25 years, and supposed he could ask - but he had no idea how long it would take, and it could be ages, but he didn't work in the triage department so he had no idea. But if I wanted to wait ages, he could ask them. Or I could just book in to see him. I hesitated, and he quite sharply asked what I wanted to do. So I said it was fine, I'd see him. Was I being unreasonable to ask for a woman? He seemed really affronted, and like it was an extremely rude request.

He was rude. I’d have been fine with it, but there’s all sorts of reasons why you’d not want to talk about intimate issues at home with a man who’s a stranger.

I think you were within your rights to ask for a woman to do the assessment.
His response to your request sounds really unnecessarily unpleasant.

I’m an OT and no, not unreasonable at all. I am very mindful of the many reasons a person could have for wanting the same sex therapist and wouldn’t take it personally at all! For example I work with women who have experienced sexual assault by a male and that is completely understandable to want a female to work with.

In my role we also have an alert that comes up in someone’s records if they prefer male or female workers so we would be mindful of that when we triaged a referral.

I mean you feel how you feel but it's not like you'd have to go into intricate details about your toilet needs, surely?

And as you weren't prepared to wait, it seems it wasn't as important as you first thought.

Absolutely fine to ask for a female.

I think that’s fine. I don’t see any male medical professionals/therapists etc now unless it’s with a chaperone at all times

Have someone there with you that you trust if possible. The type of man who puts his feelings ahead of the afflicted is exactly the type you wouldn’t want to be alone with or disclose delicate matters to. Even if an ok guy, he’s an insensitive bull in a china shop type.

It’s totally fine and he should have known this.

He sounds very unprofessional and lacking in empathy and sensitivity.

This man sounds so unpleasant about the whole thing (dismissive and rude) that I would cancel the appointment with him and re-book. And say exactly why you’re doing it.
Alternatively, make an official complaint.

Thanks everyone, I might call the triage team tomorrow and ask how long it would be for a female. I really don't want to wait much longer, so if it'll be another month or more I'll just keep my appointment with him next week. I just don't want them to tell him I've gone behind his back, that'll annoy him even more!

If you're not able to arrange a female OT, can you ask a friend to be with you when he visits? Just for some moral support, especially if you're feeling anxious after the way he reacted.

It's more that I don't think I'm going to feel as comfortable as I'd like to explaining my more private needs. Even before I asked for a female, he was rather brusque and unfriendly, which is definitely not what I've experienced from other OTs. I think even having a friend with me won't make it easier to explain to a man with an unwelcoming manner how I can soil myself because I'm struggling to get to the toilet quickly enough without handrails in the hall, and how I struggle to clean my private parts as I can't balance well enough without rails in the shower. I'm not sure I really want my friends knowing that either!

I work in healthcare, definitely not unreasonable! People request same sex therapists or carers all the time. Sometimes we may have to explain it might take a bit longer to see a male/female therapist - e.g. in my service particular therapists are rotaed to cover a particular area on that day, so you would have to wait for a female to be on the rota - but we would do our best to be flexible. His behaviour doesn't sound good tbh, fine to make you aware there might be more of a wait, but he could have done it in an understanding and respectful way.

I would call the triage team - and feed back your experience, even if you wait until your assessment is done, it's important he understands how his response made you feel.

I totally understand that, it's never easy having those sorts of conversations with a health professional and you should absolutely be able to request a female OT. It just may mean that you have a longer wait for an appointment. I hope they will be able to have you seen by a female and soon!

Thank you. The more I think about it, the more unreasonable it seems! Surely when a woman asks for a female practitioner, the next question shouldn't ever be "why"?! It was so odd, like it was the craziest thing he'd ever heard.

I will call them tomorrow and ask, though I think I won't complain yet. I very much don't want to aggravate anyone as I do need their help. I will ask them not to tell him I've called, but if I'm stuck with him at least it's on record that I wasn't comfortable with him if it all goes wrong. But I'll ask if I can at least wait for a woman for the hygiene stuff, then just tell him about parking, cooking etc next week.

ETA I should point out I'm meant to be talking about some fairly substantial alterations, like redoing the kitchen. I don't know if that means I'll be working with the same OT the whole time, or whether it'll be passed onto another team after the assessment. But as there's a chance I may be dealing with whoever I get for a fair while, I really think it's important I'm happy with them.

In my borough, it would be months waiting. I'd just see the professional assigned. It isnt a nurse doing a smear. It's an occupational therapist who arranges for you to get rails on your bath or cutlery that is easier to eat with.

She’s already been made to feel like a nuisance. It’s hard to be honest about your struggles to someone like that.

Write them down.

I called the triage and spoke to a lovely lady, who said it was absolutely fine to request a woman. She was also a bit perplexed at his response to me asking! She said she could have me reallocated, though she didn't know how long it would be, but that I could just see him and if I felt in any way uncomfortable to just chuck him straight out and call them back.

I definitely feel reassured, and I think I will write everything down in case I feel so awkward I forget everything. I joked I might just hand him the paper, then I don't need to talk to him at all! So I feel a bit happier.

Thanks again, everyone.

This. I’ve seen male and totally professional OTs and never had a problem. But I suppose, if you’re willing to wait longer, they may be able to sort out a female OT.

You are within your rights to ask but equally the team are within your rights to put you back on the list and it could take a while to get the appointment as their diaries are busy and they won’t just be able to magic a female OT for you. Would you insist on a female doctor or would you prefer someone who is qualified and knows their job ? He won’t be in the least bit embarrassed, will have heard everything before and will not be focussing more than is required on any specific subject.

i dont think it unreasonable to ask for a female OT. i think the OT you spoke to was rude and unproffessional in his response to your reasonable request. As for pressuring you further by say youd have to wait ages (when it was clear he didnt know if that was true and i highly doubt as 86-91% of OT are female.
The way he treated you over your request is reason enough to decline seeing him.
make a formal complaint and request a female OT.

Yes, I do ask for a female doctor for anything intimate. I am aware the man won't care, and am not worried about him being embarrassed. Like many women, I am more comfortable dealing with other women, especially when discussing sensitive topics. I believe even men sometimes like to have male doctors etc, it is an entirely normal preference. Which is why I was surprised he sounded so shocked I asked, and started this thread to make sure I hadn't committed some sort of faux pas. I was obviously expecting that if I changed to a female OT, the appointment probably wouldn't be as soon. I very obviously didn't assume they would 'magic a female OT' for me. Obviously. I assumed they had a whole team of OTs, and that I'd be put back on the list until a female version became available. Turns out, I was correct.

Glad you were able to speak to someone and have a plan you're happy with, hope everything goes well.