Will it be weird if I post on WhatsApp looking for friends?

[LTB2]

We live in a little community with around 45 houses. No one really walks around the grounds as they all have big gardens so the kids play in their gardens. My daughter has made lots of friends but my son who is very much my double in that he’s introverted and extremely shy has told me he’s sad as his sister doesn’t let him join when she’s with her friends and he wants a friend in the neighbourhood.

I feel like posting a message in the community WhatsApp if anyone has a boy similar age and would like to come over. I feel a bit weird about doing this! I am feeling anxious as I don’t think it’s the best way to do it so I’m asking how can I make friends for him and how? We never see anyone walking really except for the same people with their dogs. I saw a woman out earlier with what looked like a 4/5 year old boy but she wasn’t very friendly. I see her often but apart from be saying hello to her she doesn’t seem to want to chat so I’ve left it. Our direct neighbours have no kids,

What would be a good way to get him to make friends in the neighbourhood? As I said no one really walks around for us to bump into potential friends

Why should she be forced to include him, most siblings find each other annoying..

What was the wording of you don’t mind me asking? I have no idea how to word it!!

Did anyone respond? My fear is no one responding to me. I felt embarrassed when we moved in 2 years ago and I introduced myself on the WhatsApp saying we just moved in number x and no one said welcome 🤣. I was really embarrassed!

It’s a gated community (I’m answering in response to someone asking what type of place I live in). So it’s not lots of streets it’s just the houses inside the development.

My son does try to join in with his sister but they are siblings and don’t always get along, however he was biking with her and her friends earlier today! This bit not a regular occurrence. I just want him to have a little boy as his friend as I can see he’s really lonely and I think he gets upset when the knock on the door to play is always for my daughter, it would be nice for him to have a friend but I don’t know what advice to give him as I don’t really have any friends myself. Yes I have people I see for coffee etc. but I’m not good at giving advice to him about how to make friends.

Can anyone help me type up a quick message to post on WhatsApp? I basically want to say I have a 7 year old boy and wondering if there are similar aged boys who would like to join him on a bike ride or come over and play in our garden

It's not weird at all! I actually think it's a lovely idea. Loads of people do this where we live, and it's a great way for kids to make friends when there aren't many opportunities to bump into each other naturally. I’d write something like this-
Hi everyone! My son is [age] and is looking for some friends in the neighbourhood to ride bikes and play with. If anyone has a little boy around the same age who'd like to join him sometime, just send me a message. 😊

People ask on our local area “mums” Facebook page regularly things such as “new to the area have a son/daughter aged X who’s quite shy and has interests in A, B, C.. does anyone want to meet up at the park etc if their kids are a similar age and interests” and often people reply and meet up - go for it :)

@Coolbreeze7 that's a good message! Should I include he’s shy (he is very shy)

@Maisey1991 that gives me hope! But I’m dreading if no one replies to me! I’m thinking of getting DH to just put a like in my message if no one replies but he probably won’t do that.

can anyone else tell me if I’m making a mistake? I’m going to write the message @Coolbreeze7 just posted. I’m really anxious!

In my area its common to see posts on fb groups asking if people have kids of the same age and asking if they want a play date.

If they’re in gated following g seems paranoid

Sure, teach girls from a young age they’re responsible for managing boys’ relationships and making up for their shortcomings or else they get punished. How about teaching girls it’s okay to say no if they’re not comfortable? And teaching the boy how to make his own friends. He’s already got his mum helping him.

Are you new to it? Is this your first summer?

If it is, you could do a whatsapp post and ask if there were any boys and girls aged 6-9 who fancy a water pistol party on the green/your garden on one evening this week and that you’ll bring drinks and icelollies? You can say you’d love to meet more of the families with younger kids? Hopefully a few parents will stay and chat and you can be candid about both you and DS being a bit shy, but wanting to make some friends in the neighbourhood.

I’m embarrassed to admit we’ve been here 3 years! This is our 3rd summer. I don’t want to derail this thread by making it all about me but just for some background - I’ve been a bit depressed and isolated myself for a number of years. I’m not in a happy marriage but over past couple of weeks I’m trying to be a better mum to my kids. I think my daughter benefited me being hands on with her and helping her get confident as I would host a lot of playdates in our old home when she was little but over past few years I’ve just not been well mentally which I think shows as my son has not developed any relationships and seems really introverted. But I’m trying change all that and I know my problems won’t go away over night but seeing my little boy happier would definitely make me less worried about him and put me in a better mindset to make more positive changes.

@AnonyMumAuDHD your idea sounds like so much fun! Thank you

I should have said follow at a distance if you didn’t feel comfortable with him going alone. He is still extremely young to be out & taking liberties with someone else’s child who may not allow their kids out alone

Bless you. Your son could just be a little more reserved naturally. I did play dates weekly and through the holidays I would have kids coming over several times. Despite this both my kids are quite reserved and now they’re older refuse to have friends round at all. They say their home is a sanctuary and rarely have others over. So don’t beat yourself up. He’s expressed a desire to make a friend and you’re happy to facilitate it. You’re a great mum poster

Lemonade.stands seem to be very popular on our little green. I agree your daughter should not be forced to bring him out with her friends if she's not keen to (not that you're forcing her to OP) but if you just pitch it as a fun thing your kids could do together then you could put it on the whatsapp that the stand is there and hopefully the kids might flock.

I’d take a more relaxed view like, “leave roads x and y and you won’t be allowed out till you’re 18.”
But I’m of the generation that came and went as they pleased and I realise people perceive risk differently nowadays.
Equally, concern about social judgement seems as influential as concern about a child’s actual safety.

We've had newcomers post on the village Facebook page, especially if they've moved in over the summer, and usually someone has responded.

Its not at all weird! You could put in the whatsapp group something like
"Hi. Do any of you have kids around the age of 7-8? We still don't know many of you yet and our son is keen to find some friends to play out with in this lovely weather"
If no-one answers then they either don't have any that age, or they aren't the sort of people who have kids that like to play out.
I agree about scouts or a school friend to come over and play. If you find someone, invite the mum too so you can maybe supervise together from a distance with a cuppa and make sure it's a good fit. You might make a friend too. Fingers crossed

Because it’s her friendship and her choice who she plays with? You can’t force her to help her brother make friends, that’s very odd.

This is pretty much what I did as a five year old when a four year old girl moved in a couple of doors up. Friends for years, still slightly in touch in that way you are with old friends. Went up, worked past the shyness of saying hello.

There are loads more cars around than there were years ago when I played out. That’s my main concern with letting my child out on her own. Perception doesn’t come into it. It’s just a fact.

A few years ago someone posted in a Y7 group that her son was looking for friends to play Warhammer/build the models. DS thought it sounded cool so we met up, They’ve been close friends ever since! They’re 18 now!!

I’m from the same generation. My mom would send me to the local shop 3/4 streets away with a note and I’d return with her cigarettes. 😂😂 I was no older that 7. my kids didn’t play out that young mainly because there was no kids to play with in our street. Im not the strictest parent but im not the softest. But if I felt the neighbourhood was safe and they where with other children I’d see no issue letting your kids out

I think this is absolutely fine and totally acceptable. I would do it.