Struggling to regain work motivation after maternity leave, am I unreasonable?

[Returningtoworkmum]

Hello

Posting here for traffic.
I returned to work following 13 months of leave (maternity and annual leave).
My DH said we could manage if i didnt return to work we would have to tighten our belts but it would be okay. I thought long and hard about returning. I thought returning was best for me. My own income (yes I know family money but I wanted to esrn my own money), contributing to a pension, having money i can spend on whatever I wanted, not tighten the belt, also to continue climbing the career ladder and to be known for something other than mummy and to use my profession brain again.

During my leave, my manager retired and I got a new manager. He's been great. He has a young family and has been so accommodating and lovely. He keeps referencing that he knew how his wife felt returning and he has offered so much support (supporting my reduced hours, suggesting flexing my work times, working from home when needed). I know I have it great.

But since returning I just can't get back into it. I am the HR Manager (just me, no hr team) but all things HR i just have no motivation. I do have guilt with my little one being in nursery despite she is thriving and enjoying it.

I am being overly sensitive and wondering if new manager likes me and looking too much into email tones and constantly looking for reassurances from others in my team (not HR but senior managers).

I dont know what to do i dont want to quit but I cant get the motivation I once had. I have been back for 3months and there is work I havent got to. My employer isnt getting my best and I worry they will pull me up soon. Any little inconvenience results in me wanting to resign. I think this internally, I have never said it. I have thought about taking more time off and being honest about why but I dont want to look unprofessional.

What can I do? Did you feel the same? What helped?

Whilst I understand your reasons for returning if you can manage I’d stop. I gave up a well paid job to be a STAM. Yes we had to cut our cloth accordingly but it was the best decision ever. Less stress for everyone. This is not meant to guilt trip you, but imo and I know others will disagree and that’s fine, but I do think when you have children someone’s career has to take a back seat. It can be difficult to give both family and work,100%. Good luck in whatever you decide as ultimately you need to do what’s right for you.

Took me a year to ‘get back in the zone’. 3 months is too soon.
don’t quit, hang in there. Things will settle. As your baby thrives so will you.
getting a job is hard, giving one up is easy - don’t do that mistake. You have a supportive manager, make it work - even drop your days further if needed. I struggled for a long time but now my DD is 11 and I’m earning twice what I was making them.

I gave up work when my I was due to return form mat leave (18 years ago now) 6 months later I got a part time job. Sahm just wasn’t for me. I think sometimes it’s getting the right balance between work and being a mum. I worked 16 hr at week then got pregnant 3 year later and retuned to work after mat leave to 13 hrs a week. When youngest started school then went to 20 hrs a week then to 25. I think it sounds like you want to work but maybe just try to get a good balance. Work allowed me to be me rather than just mum

I'd quit and be a sahm x

It is really hard to get back into work and I also found maternity leave really knocked my confidence which could maybe be the root of some of your worries and needing reassurance? I would try and stick with it a bit longer. It’s really hard when your little one is small but my eldest is now nearly 4 and she’s done so well with the childminder and at nursery. It’s been great for her confidence and development but I don’t think she’d have gone as much if either of us had quit our jobs. I would maybe say to yourself you’re going to give it 6 months (so another 3) to see if things improve. Or, is there scope to reduce your hours or days more?

Did you speak to your manager about not being in the zone? Everytime I think about it, I cry x

I dont know why it has knocked my confiendence though. My colleagues have all said they are happy I am back and I get positive feedback from manager but deep down I think they are just saying that. I worry that I will be the one who will be going through a capability process soon for not performing. I am just seeking reassurance all the time about being liked (not professional), double guessing my work standard and advice (its like I have forgotten, or think i have forgotten my hr knowledge) and reacting to emails thinking there is a motive to get rid of me and I am reacting by being short in emails instead of my positive upbeat self. My colleague said its like I have lost my sparkle. I know I have but how do i get it back? Today I didnt like an email tone and I was ready to resign and had to log off and go think. I know that isnt normal. This isnt me. My role has gotten better, less tasks and I am not overwhelmed. Well I am getting there but its becayse I am not doing my work and its piling up

Is there any chance you could be experiencing depression or anxiety? Is this new since returning to work? You sound like you’re struggling; are you sure it’s the work? It’s definitely an adjustment figuring out how to juggle your work self with your parental and individual sense of self. It can feel thankless for a long time, especially when priorities change and you suddenly have to be more aware of the clock than staying just to finish the work.

I had a non sleeper and a job involving travel. I nearly quit a few times when the kids were small, especially with my first when working and childcare costs basically balanced out. DH out-earned me by a lot in that phase, but I then earned multiple promotions, am paid much better, and love the work. DH was also made redundant in the pandemic and we would have lost the house if I hadn’t stayed working. My industry moves fast and I’m deeply grateful (with young teens) that I stuck it out.

I didn’t speak to anyone - I knew and understood what was happening. I worked 3 days a week and stayed remote as much as possible while still delivering what was expected but nothing beyond that.

honestly...i could have written this.

13m off was just enjoying baby and htting my stride... i really didnt get back into it havong previously been career driven.
i got pregnant again almosy immediately and solidified on to end of the year / 2nd mat leave (I was hospitalised repeatedly during pregnancy so did v little) i took a further 13 months...
Went back still hated it. I also felt useless becuase id been out almost 2.5 / 3 yrs in effect....

And then when youngest was 18m changed jobs.
LOVE my new job.
Cannot overstate how much its renewed my enthusiasm.

I 100% thought it was i was done with work.
I'm not and I am SO happy I kept my hand in.

Ill be able to go PT when kids are heading in secondary and we will be able to retire early.
It also gives me protection against divorce which imo can happen to anyone.