AIBU to worry about my brother’s new relationship after his divorce?

[AlvisParsley]

OK I'm fully prepared to be told I'm unreasonable about this and an almighty snob but this isn't something I want to speak about to anyone I know as it wouldn't be fair. I will qualify by saying this is not to goad anyone.

My DB is divorced and has a 14 year old son. They both remarried but my 2nd SIL was quite demanding and controlling and set in her ways. I liked her, but other things have come out since she left him almost a year ago and I can see how she put him down. My DB has now accepted it's over and they are selling their house. He lives in it, she has gone home to her parents and things are under way for his second divorce. She told my DB she wanted a child, but not with him, as she didn't want it to have ADHD. My DN has ADHD. It is not a massive problem for any of us and it is controlled and he is doing well at school.

My DB has now met another woman who is also a divorcee single parent with an 11 year old son. He says it's not serious and they just go out for a meal and walks, and I expect they sleep together but I wouldn't ask him that. My DN knows about her and he has begged his dad not to bring someone else into the house as he can't stand any more arguing and he wants it to be just them. He said he was relieved when his stepmother left. My DB says he won't be doing that. His ex has told him under no circumstances can he bring anyone back to the house, but he has done.

Out of curiosity (I guess you will tell me I am 'stalking') I found this new woman's socials and I'm not impressed. (Yes I know I don't have to be). She shares stupid memes, says awful things about her ex on social media, dresses a bit like a Love Islander. He's an adult, of course and can do what he wants but I'm bracing myself for the fallout when both his former wives find out.

I won't be saying anything more to him or to anyone at all. I haven't asked him anything. I guess I just want to vent about it and feel a bit worried.

I can find my own friends quite annoying on social media, lovely in person. Distant family seemed perfectly normal in person, majorly religious and verbose on social media.

Judge not by their SM, less ye be judged by yours 😆

Only thing to worry about is if she's nice to your brother and nephew.

I agree with you but no good can come of discussing this with him.

So your brother has his ex and his 14 year old son son telling him he can’t progress a relationship, you are speculating whether they are sleeping together .. and you are posting on here about your brother. How about a bit of peace and privacy?

My DN asked his dad not to bring another stepmum in because of the arguments with his stepmum. I think he was getting ahead of himself there. I'm not getting involved with discussions with him or the wider family. I haven't mentioned it and I shan't unless he does. I posted to try and talk about the worries I have if there is any fallout when his ex finds out, or my DN's mum.

Does sound a bit soon for a new relationship and as if his relationships are prioritised above his son - maybe just calmly advise him to keep his new relationship just for himself for a while and not to bring the children into it and hope it fizzles out as a rebound situation

She shares stupid memes, says awful things about her ex on social media, dresses a bit like a Love Islander.

Is that all? I thought you were going to say she was moving in, installing her life-size Nigel Farage portrait and going after the family silver. You sound snobby.

Perfectly ok for DN to talk to his dad about wanting it to be just them and have peace for a while.

This woman’s social feed? None of your business and sounds pretty innocuous anyway.

They actually split last September, but he was hoping they would work things out. She's made it clear over the last few weeks that isn't going to happen now.

Well as he’s on divorce #2 and already moved on to a new woman who his child is begging him not to bring around, it should be obvious that your db doesn’t exactly make the best choices. This sounds like just one more in a string of them.

@SoScarletItWas I've been circumspect in saying what I saw on SM.

Well if you don’t give us a full picture of the woman, we can’t really say whether you’re U or not.

Regardless, it sounds like your DB can’t be on his own for five minutes and it’s him you should be concerned about.

He's been on his own for 10 months. I think it's too soon, and I worry that if the ex snaps her fingers he would probably have her back. I think. I gather the new woman has been on her own for a few years but whether that means since her divorce or not I really don't know.

Your brother needs to take notice of his son. By all means if your brother wants to date, then date. There's zero need for your nephew to meet his girlfriend or son. Your brother needs to keep his dating life separate from his family one.

If anything I would advise your brother to do the above, and not to rush. His priority needs to be his son, not his dick!

You can't protect your brother from both of his exes wrath. His ex can't dictate who comes into the house, if they are separated. It's none of her business. He can't expect his son, not to tell his Mum, that Dad has a girlfriend, so she's likely to find out. His best bet would be not to tell his son he's seeing someone! Bit late for that now though, as he knows!

As for the current girlfriend, I wouldn't fret. It might fizzle out within a few months. You may never meet her!