Do you do this?

[Lavenderlouus]

My parents wedding anniversary , my mum expects a card and a fuss every year. Im not anti this but as a married woman myself I never expect nor want wishes or cards for mine and DH anniversary

I get celebrating milestones with everyone etc

But I dont really get the card and this year a meal to celebrate? It's not a milestone year

Am I heartless ? Haha I just don't really get it!

People vary:
Couple & DC because our lovely family is the outcome of the wedding;
Couple & people who were at the wedding to share our memories;
Couple only because we're the ones who married each other that day;
Nobody because who has time to rehash the past?

Join in if you want to. Don't if you don't!

It's weird in my opinion. I understand making a fuss of your parents big anniversaries but not every single year. If they invite you every year to celebrate and they host or pay for a meal then it's only fair they get a card.

I think it’s a generation thing. My parents do this but we wouldn’t bother. I send them a card because I know it’s expected, but wouldn’t get dh one for ours.
cards generally I see for the older generation, esp spending hours poring over the verse inside.

I married into a family that were much the same. The card/fuss scenario was used as scaffolding for the close and loving family illusion.

Never had I met such a bunch of money mad self centred narcissists.

In my family the tradition was always giving a card for a couples wedding anniversary , provided you remembered.
And the couple themselves would exchange cards and small gifts.
The bigger wedding anniversaries were given more of a celebration.

I do think this is probably more of a generational thing , more important in a time when marriages actually lasted and were expected to. Personaly I've got one set of friends who have been married 53 years and I find that actually amazing and definitely an exception these days.

I don't even know the exact date of my parents' anniversary, just the month, it's never been a big thing in our family. I don't expect anyone to make a big thing of our anniversary either although the in-laws will sometimes send a card.

We barely celebrate our own let alone expect others to do it!

I do have an aunty that I have to remember to message on their anniversary as otherwise she is very hurt.

Perhaps she just wants an excuse for you all to get together? We don’t celebrate with our DC just as a couple really.

Absolutely not, anniversaries are for the couple alone to celebrate. We got some cards on the first anniversary which I can understand, but none after that and we don’t send to anyone else! Special ones like 40/50 would be different. I might want some fuss from our kids then ha.

I've grown up with parents who only give cards to each other on their wedding anniversaries, and no expectation or desire to get them from anyone else. In fact I have no idea when their anniversary is! I'm not married, but imagine I'd be the same about my own.

When DGM was alive she would send a card, and 9/10 it would remind them that they both forgotten.

Because of this I find the insistence of people that other people celebrate each year of their marriage quite odd. The closest other celebration to my parent's attitude to a wedding anniversary is valentines day, something just between the couple.

I also find it intriguing when parents expect anniversary cards from their DC, who weren't even born when the wedding happened. At what age did the expectation start? Did each parent buy cards from the DC for the other parent like a fathers/mothers day card?

I don’t send anniversary cards. It’s for the couple to celebrate and not me. I know it was common to do, but have you seen the price of cards and stamps nowadays!

No, they’re for the couple.

I would sent a big for a big anniversary. But definitely not every year!

I’d give a card and gift for a milestone (ie their 50th a couple of years ago) but that’s it. Mostly I mocked them each year and said can’t believe you are still married.

I didn’t unless it was a big date 25, 40.50. I never expect a card of anyone except my husband, the marriage is between us.
i will take our children and partners out for a meal to celebrate our next big one 40.

I am 59. Maybe it is generational.

Once I started working I always bought my parents a card and a small gift (bigger gift for the land mark anniversaries) like a box of “posh” chocolates. I often made them a cake too. But that’s because I like baking.

I threw a party for my parents for their silver wedding and for their golden wedding. I think I took them out for dinner for their ruby wedding. The former was quite a big deal as I was relatively young still at only 24. They were lovely family events and I treasure the memories.

I did also send a card each year to one aunt and uncle to whom I was particularly close (my mother’s sister and her husband) as their anniversary was just a few days after my parents’ anniversary. None of this was “expected” though. No pressure at all. I just enjoyed doing it. And after my lovely mum died I found lots of the cards I had sent her/them over the years carefully stored away. So it made me feel pleased that I had done it. She obviously appreciated them.

My own children (young adults and teen) do not “do” our anniversary (although they get us lovely birthday and Christmas presents). That’s fine too. The 3 of them did paint us (collectively) a modern art piece for our silver wedding anniversary 5 years ago. That was wonderful. They are all talented artists and it’s the most wonderful present and on display in our hallway.

It’s nice to do thoughtful, caring things for other people. What’s less nice is “performance” giving and when it all becomes high pressure.

No, I think anniversaries are just for the couple most years.

Although that has changed (I am 54) - I did send cards up to about 15 years ago for siblings and parents and the odd friend who did the same as that is what I thought you did. We have a family member who insists of hand delivering us a gift every single year along with a card (on the day) which very quickly became irritating and intrusive (part of a wider MO) so I rethought the whole thing.

I’m still fairly traditional in that I keep with:
1st year if you went to the wedding or very close
10/25/40 and then every 5 years after that if very close family/friends who also sent cards for these types of occasions.
We paid for parents 50th celebration along with siblings and made a big deal of that. Then nothing until 55th when we got them a ‘special’ card. 60th was a card and a gift. And so on…Make sure they get the card from the monarch on eligible ones.

I always get them a card and some flowers (not expensive, maybe a tenner) We often go for a meal around the date too which Dad usually pays for 😳 tbh any excuse for a celebration and family catch up in my eyes. This year was their 50th anniversary so I arranged and paid for an extended family surprise afternoon tea. I’m very lucky that they have had such a long, stable loving marriage and I have benefitted greatly through my life from that so I feel it’s something to celebrate.

My parents married each other twice, so goodness only knows when I would be expected to send a card and I don't think either of them remember the date of the second wedding! I am also in the 'anniversaries are for the couple' camp - if there is an event attached, such as a milestone party, then a card/gift is a nice gesture if you attend, but not for everyday anniversaries.

Tbh I prefer the older traditions of honouring annual milestones, over current fashion of ‘ making memories’ and people photographing everything.

DH and I recently had an anniversary, not a milestone one, and we exchanged cards and he bought me a bunch of flowers. Adult DC will usually get us a card but even they forgot this year.

Neither of us are bothered about a fuss on our anniversary, and this year we might have gone out for a meal, but a much-loved pet died the day before so we didn't feel like it.🙁

Yeah weirdly after I got married. My mother expected me to start sending cards for her and my fathers anniversary. (My mums usually dead laid back). I told her no Im not doing that. She got my dad the next year to 'remind' me. Again told them nope. Think went on for 3rd year and told her no Iv never sent you one and Im not starting now. Then she let it go

Its weird. Why would I send my parenrs a card when inwasntnat their wedding. The only person I expect to celebrate my anniversary is my husband

No. I send no cards or gifts for birthdays or anniversaries.

I get married couples celebrating their own anniversary but no i dont get celebrating other peoples anniversary unless the married couple invite guests to their own event i will happily go to that

my mum expects a card and a fuss every year
That's not an unreasonable expectation to have - of your SPOUSE. But, it's completely ridiculous and unreasonable to expect anything from people who are not part of your marriage. Why on EARTH is it my responsibility to organise somebody else's wedding anniversary? Not my marriage, not my anniversary, not my responsibility to organise.

My mother used to expect me and DSis to make a big fuss of her and our dad’s anniversary with cards and gifts and would get in a massive huff if we didn’t. She was a narcissist.