Disappointed with play dates + device usage

[Whatevergoes2025]

Just sad really because the last few play dates my DS (7) has been on at other people’s houses has resulted in high use of devices. A couple of play dates at the same house has had him just watching his friend play. At another house where they have an amazing garden with loads of stuff to play with, his friend started on a device and ended on a device (my son sitting and watching). They did go out to playground halfway through…but it just seems so disappointing at this young age, when kids are still very play focused, that devices are so readily available. Even the family with the cool garden! My son wanted to play football but his friend said no.

To clarity, I’m not a perfect parent myself. I let my son go on the Xbox WITH his friends right at the end of 5-ish hours play dates at ours for 45/60 mins because they’re usually tired and it winds them down before parents come.

Just a small plea to parents out there to put them away!

YANBU, we have a mantra in our house: real people in real life.

Sometimes they can play a two-player game together, but it’s time limited.

But kids have to learn how to be bored, and then use that as motivation to find something else to do. All the great things in humanity happened because of boredom (ironically I saw a great reel about this, don’t know how bored you have to be to make your peas date? (A Gregor Mendel genetics reference)).

Two people bored together invent games, stories, devise plays. All the good stuff.

Let them get bored. They’ll have a great time.

My son is 8.5 and he has gaming when he has a playdate but it's 2 player on the TV. They also go in the garden, to the playground or often I'll take them to the trampoline place we have membership for. They really need to get their energy out

Not all kids have a great time when allowed to get bored together. Some kids are neurodivergent and can only handle that kind of play with a friend on short bursts. My son being one of them and the same for his 3 best friends. Last playdate we had they played Mario kart. They also worked on their own comic book they've been inventing for a year, went trampolining and ate takeaway pizza in the garden. The one before that hey set up a massive hot wheels track down the stairs, battled with pokemon cuddliest, built Lego and worked on a Zelda game level hid friend had been struggling to work out. So long as they're playing it together and not ignoring each other it's just another interest they share.

I teach Y3/4 (age 7-9 for those not in England) and love watching them actually play, on the rare opportunity they get the chance to with how the curriculum is. Their choice would always be the school iPads but they have a much better time when they just play with the toys, particularly those from the infant classroom/playground. In some books and when older people recollect childhood, they talk about playing with dolls at age 12 so clearly the desire to play with those sorts of toys lasts far longer than is typical in Western childhoods. I wouldn't be impressed if my kids spent a playdate watching someone else on their tablet or whatever. TV/a two player game for the last hour of a longer time together would be fine.

Seven?? YANBU - my DC would be playing Lego, Playmobil, fairy world storylines with their friends then. Or, painting, crafts and outdoor toys depending on the season.

We didn't own a playing device at 7. However, once when DC were five, a guest did want to watch CBeebies so.it was on for one programme.

We're moving house, so as well as a massive clear out, my son's everyday toy store is just one 30x30 box with about 11 bricks, a couple of balls, cars and some misc noise makers, people figures, and animals.

His imagination with it is brilliant. We have so much fun with his box of misc, but Christmas and birthday are around the corner and we're going to get showered with crap again by well-meaning relatives who want to buy him something.

When we do playdates we encourage the children visiting us to play with the toys by getting specific ones out and set up ready to play with. I wouldn’t want them near any screens- they’re so expensive, what would you do if one got thrown or dropped?

I would say YANBU until the last bit where you said you let the kids play on devices when they come to your for a play date 😂😂😂

I do agree though. My daughter often plays on her iPad or watches tv if we are home alone but if she has a friend here they tend to do imaginative play in her room. She loves this and I can’t bear it so love when she has someone to play with.

We were once at a friends for a play date (I was there too as I am friends with the mum) and they wanted to play on the PlayStation. The other mum let them and they just took it turns to play individually while the other one played with something else, completely antisocial, or sat watching and repeatedly asking if it was their turn yet. We shut it off after about 15 minutes.

That’s really sad OP 😔

My kids are too young for this yet but I’m not looking forwards to this stage.