To add ex professor on social media?

[ScullyD]

Last year I returned to education as a mature student and had one of my favourite professors of all time. He is roughly the same age in early 30s and I admit to fancying quite a bit at first but now I’d just like to keep up the connection in general. He’s a great person.

This year I decided to work with someone on his recommendation and we emailed a few times over summer about it. He thanked me for my ‘wonderful’ emails and then last week I bumped into him at a festival. He gave me a hug on sight then my friends and his friends ended up hanging out.

I sort of want to add him now so we don’t lose touch but don’t want to overstep. I am also considering becoming a professor myself in the same field. Failing that I can just keep him on email for now. I also noticed him and one other student from the course follow each other. Thoughts?

A professor by early 30’s and you’re thinking of becoming one, just like that! Interesting.

@titchy I don’t really understand your response to be honest.

Do what you want - but remember that he doesn’t have to accept your request, and be mindful of that.

The term ‘professor’ means different things in different countries. In the UK, a professor is a very respected academic who will have spent many years studying at a very high level and will be a serious researcher and published author. It isn’t something you can become on a whim. I’ve never met a professor in their thirties, although I am sure it is possible.

Do you mean teacher or are you talking about an actual University professor?

If he’s a bloke same age as you and no longer teaching you then of course you can pursue a friendship with him, or even romantic connection if you are both single. It’s no different to meeting someone at work.

Yes he stopped teaching me in December.

I think because we’ve been emailing over summer and then I actually bumped into/spent time with him makes me think it seems natural. I did think he might be attracted to me but don’t want to make things weird - would love to be friends/keep in touch for now though.

I just get nervous about potentially overstepping but maybe I’m overthinking this

I think LinkedIn is probably your best bet - keeps it professional/ academic.

He’s not on LinkedIn unfortunately. Like I said he has one other student in the class on his instagram and I can see he followed them back so maybe it’s fine. On the other hand maybe he felt he had to accept 😂

I had a number of associate professors in their 30s when I was in my mid-20s doing my LLM. One is now early 40s and a "proper" professor. And if I were single I would have definitely asked him out after graduating!
As it is I did add a few on SM albeit on the most boring of all SMs, LinkedIn 💀

The term professor is widely used in the USA for anyone who teaches in university. I spent a year working in the USA with the title "visiting professor". In the UK a professor is usually a senior academic who has reached a position of eminence in his or her field, published widely and established a reputation as a subject expert. While not impossible 30s would be regarded as rather young for this degree of seniority. When I did my PhD my professor was in his early 50s and we became friends in a professional way as one often does in the academic world. I would not consider it inappropriate for OP to add him into Instagram. I don't use social media in that way.

Go for it. FWIW I'm FB friends with (select) former students, though I wouldn't make a general practice of it.

I think because we’ve now had multiple friendly interactions beyond the student/professor relationship last year I’m more encouraged.

of course as a PP said he still doesn’t need to accept but hopefully he will!

Go for it. Maybe not at 1am eh 😝

If you are in America though, the etiquette may be different.

He’s surely not a proper professor in his 30s so the status distance is nowhere near what it appears. Professor is the pinnacle of most academic careers and most departments have only a very limited number of them - it was literally dead man’s shoes in my department, with all but one of them being over 70. But then I know a woman from Italy who goes around calling herself a “professor” after she taught a couple of online first year classes during her PhD many years ago. 😂 And people buy it!

I find it hard to believe he's a professor and i find it hard to believe he's not on LinkedIn. Networking is crucial in academia.

apart from this guy my ex became an assistant tenured professor at 31. He said it’s quite common for academics to not have LinkedIn now. This has been my experience, around half the profs in my department have it and half don’t.

this is an aside as not really what I’m posting about 😂

I checked and he is officially ‘Lecturer’. Hope this helps the enquiring minds!

It's normal for an Italian (or French) academic to be called professor. It's not an affectation it's a language/culture difference.

Also my friend (admittedly a genius) was an associate professor of political science at Uni of London aged 30 and a (proper!) professor with an dept aged 40 so it's not that mad. I think she went by professor when she was an assoc.

That makes more sense.

I returned to school as an adult. Graduated in 2008. I am close friends with 2 of my former professors, and social media friends with a few more. Getting to know them in and outside of class has been a wonderful gift. Your guy seems warm and supportive. Just ask him if the social media thing is okay.

If you're still a taught student at his institution it might be trickier for him, but if you're a research student or no longer there, I can't see what the issue would be. In any case, you aren't forcing it on him, he gets to accept or not and it's him that will have rules to stick to and should know if this falls foul of them.

I say go for it. Especially useful if you do end up going the academic route, but good to stay in touch with people you click with even if you don't do anything more in the same subject area.

@maxslice yeah he’s lovely. What was nice about meeting him recently (aside from him initiating the hug - which he would never have done as professor/felt like a relationship shift) was that I also was able to chat to him about what he’s doing now too.

@ClayPotaLot im there for one more month but he was a guest lecturer and no longer works there (his main job is at another uni)