Saying no at last minute over appointment vibe change?

[140dropyay]

This is all done and dusted but I'm feeling about smidge guilty about the outcome and just would like to see how others would have felt. So TIA for accommodating a reflective AIBU.

Over the last few years I've lot a fuck load of weight.

My body was ugly before and it's still fugly now; can't afford loose skin removal and an very self conscious/low self esteem etc.

But I'm trying to train myself to be more body confident and have tried the delight of a few Full Body massages at local Beauty college; it's a reasonable price.

I lie on the table feeling conflicted - is the therapist repulsed by my body, and utter enjoyment and relaxation within the hour

I try to go once every 3 months and book at the end fir the next session.

Today I turned up and the college is under renovation - understandable as it's out of term time.

The massage table is currently set up in a temporary space akin to a hospital ward with curtains. It's a bustley busy space with Capital Radio playing and people chatting.

I assessed the situation and said it was unlikely that I'd be able to relax and enjoy the treatment because it's a very different set up to normal, enclosed room, Enyaesque music, gentle speech, soft lighting etc.

The therapist was surprised, but, I think grudgingly, agreed that it was quite different to normal.

The receptionist still wanted to charge me full price as a late cancellation.

I siad I didn't think I ought to be charged at all and established that they were surprised that I hadn't been informed, but I guess 3 months ago the logistics hadn't been considered.

So was I unreasonable for being reluctant to have the treatment and refusing to pay?

I'm worried I appeared unreasonable (I was perfectly polite and I'm very softly spoken so I didn't act like a nob) and because I tend to overthink I probably won't return if I think they now think badly of me. 🥲

Surely anyone would feel the same about having a massage in a setting like that!

Absolutely not unreasonable. That is not a relaxing environment for a relaxing treatment. I wouldn't have had the service or paid either. It wasn't what you signed up for and no one bothered to tell you in advance so you could make an informed decision. Even though you booked 3 months ago, I'd have expected them to have called bookings over the renovation period to explain and give the option to cancel or move appointments.

Well, I suppose it depends on their terms and conditions

But who wants to have a massage in a place that resembles a hospital and is playing capital radio! I mean I have nothing against capital radio but seriously!

I think keeping in touch with them is a good idea, but is this just because they weren't thinking or is this actually meant to be the new set up?

they shouldn't think badly of you. I'm sure lots of people try the college for reduce reduced prices and while you would expect the therapist to be learning, you don't expect the set up to be like this

Not at all unreasonable. You weren't really cancelling, it was more they couldn't offer what you'd booked and they should have been apologising to you.

However, it doesn't sound like they had any problem with what you decided and you think it fair enough that they couldn't let you know so far in advance, so definitely go back when it's back to normal.

I am a massage therapist with 16 years experience and you were perfectly within your rights to refuse and not pay for your massage. Dont give it another thought given the environment.

My priority with clients is to create a warm cosy comfortable private space with soft music only.

If you came to me my priority would be to reassure you and help you feel comfortable in your own skin.

I hope you can find another kind supportive therapist to look after you my lovely.

I’m not sure if I would have been put off by the NHS style - were there other people having massages in the other spaces? Do you normally have an individual room?

But It's a bustley busy space with Capital Radio playing and people chatting - surely that is the very bare minimum to have silence or soothing music? And busy or not, you shouldn’t be aware of that, the busyness should be directed elsewhere.

YANBU to not pay.

They should have contacted you before the appointment to inform you of the change and given you the option to cancel! I used to see a massage lady who had a purpose built room over her garage and when her neighbours had building work done she gave me the option to cancel. I still went as I loved seeing her but she put things in place to try and help like towels up at the windows to try and muffle the noise and the relaxing music she played was a little louder and she also gave me a small discount.

You mention it's a local beauty college - does that mean you're being treated by trainees who are practising in order to qualify? I guess maybe the college is thinking that the reduced price means they can just get the trainee to do the physical massage and skip the 'experience' element of it, but if they've previously done treatments in peace and quiet they should absolutely have made it clear to you when you booked that it would be massage only and not a full relaxation experience.

YANBU to say no - relaxation is the whole point of the treatment for most people and I wouldn't be able to relax in the environment you've described either! You were absolutely right to turn it down.

I am a massage therapist amd know quite a few massage therapists, I never judge a persons body and I have never heard another therapist say anything mean or judgy either. By its nature we see a huge selection of bodies and I only evrn think about how best to treat a client never ever about their body from a aesthetic point of view.