AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

[sweeel]

Basically, my 17 year old daughter wants to go to watch the new Spider-Man movie at 845pm this Wednesday, and she's going to the town about a thirty minute drive from us because that's where her friend is (and this is a town we are very familiar with etc. we used to live here but it's still obviously not super near as a local cinema).

She'll reach there by about 730 and hang out with her friend for a bit till the movie but the movie is about 2 hours 20 mins + adverts so I don't think it'll be finished till close to 12am. Then I have to go and collect her and I'm really worried about her safety of being out so late at night and I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late and it will be dark by that time obviously even though it's summer...

She booked this time because all the other times were sold out and she wanted to see it specifically on opening night but I'm having serious doubts.

And that is very sickening to read about. Poor girl going through that experience. But just as an aside...how the f*ck can he afford a basement flat in York Place?!

This thread just leaves me shaking my head. I left home about a week after turning 18 and moved to another country. My partner left at 17. The idea that I’ll be managing whether or even how my kid goes to the movies at 16 or 17 has never crossed my mind.

I always thought Edinburgh is a nice safe city

It's as nice and safe as any other British city really. Which is pretty darn safe. Horrible things happen. They always have and always will but they aren't common thankfully.

Jesus. OP literally just wanted to check people's opinions.....for her 17yr old which is fair enough. Who said anything about restricted lives? People on here jump to the most ridiculous conclusions...

All sounds very wholesome.

I wish my DD had been heading to the cinema at that age instead of getting pissed in a pub with fake ID and dodgy 20 something guys!

I do understand your worries. But cinemas are staffed with cctv everywhere. Its a pretty safe environment. She can have her phone with her so you can track her (with consent) and even an apple air tag (with consent) for extra safety. She can message you once she is in the cinema safely, let you know which screen etc. Then meet her in the lobby after the film and get their early so you dont miss her. With a parent waiting for her is pretty safe. If she was wandering the streets at midnight on her own then yes id be really concerned. But with the set up above although it may be an anxious night for you it allows her a bit of freedom in a safe and controlled way.

Sorry but this is utterly unhinged.

She’s 17!! 🤦‍♀️

Totally ridiculous ideas!

In what way? Care to explain your derisory comment?

Treating a 17 year old like a 7 year old!

This level of control is ridiculous, she should be out without parebral involvement with friends, boyfriends, etc!

I feel like I don't need to explain why monitoring a 17 year old with 2 trackers at the cinema is unhinged.

17 is such an incredible age. She should be free and having fun, meeting people, boys etc. I love to think back to being 17 and going to parties, travelling, lying on beaches with strangers....imagine not even being able to freely attend the cinema. That's bloody depressing.

She's 17 not a baby 😂😂😂 I feel for your daughter if this is how you are! She's old enough to go have fun with her friends 💕 time to cut the apron strings or you'll end up with a child that won't speak to you 😂

But she is restricting her daughter though! She's 17 she can go out alone without having mummy follow her around like a baby mum needs to step back and get a life! 😂

Her friends probably know what her mum's like and don't usually invite her 🙁 hell at 17 I was going to clubs and taking drugs if the worst this kids done is want to see a movie well her soon mum can get over it!😂

This is what you do at 10/11 when they first start to spread their wings … not 17!!

To be fair to the OP maybe her DD never expressed any desire to do stuff before now and it’s a bit of a shock.

Tagging a 17 year old with an Apple AirTag? What have I just read? She's not a piece of luggage.

Wow Super extreme

She isn't restricting her daughter! She was just asking for opinions ffs! She's only just starting out in the world and her mum sounds lovely and kind and caring.....and having had reassurance is now happy to allow her to spread her wings. Absolutely nothing wrong with that! Its better than having a mum that doesn't give a shit where their kids are!!

Yes. I personally worry that the world keeps on getting smaller for our DCs, especially the girls. The world was never 'safer', but there is a rhetoric spreading across social media which constantly bangs on about girls getting raped and attacked. In some ways it is very insidious and toxic. It tells girls that the world is dangerous for them and that they need a fucking chaperone to get around. As someone who sadly experienced things I shouldn't have when I was young, I would be the last person to downplay risks of violence to women and girls, but I feel equally fiercely that we should work on punishing the men responsible, give them harsher sentences, and for the love of God not lock up our daughters!

This!

l am not trying to downplay risks and dangers, they are very real. But the way the media operates today is so different to when l was younger and in my view creates a problem.

Reading all your posts @sweeel you make it sound like your daughter is 12, not 17.

As PP have pointed out, she'll be (presumably?) off to university soon and will not always have mummy to come and give her lifts.

I'm 48, so I was 17 in 1995. I don't remember it being any different walking/taking public transport then, there were still the same risks. And we had no phones or way to contact or track people, so I'd feel more safer about my kids now.
I used to serve on the taxi licensing committee in our council, I feel local taxi operators are generally overseen well and I would feel safe using their drivers, so I'm not really sure why there is such a fear. I would worry more about Uber - I don't have personal experience with them as an operator, but they're more detached and don't see their drivers, so I feel they're probably the less safe option for me personally.

I think you have completely missed the (with consent) part of my suggestion.

Im not referring to covert surveilance. Im referring to both mum and daughter feeling safe for daughter to be out on own in town at cinema. My DC who is younger goes to cinema with a friend with phone on which we are both able to track each other (with consent) which helps. At times with additional measures such as a phone watch or apple tag for extra security (with consent). Its not at all unhinged - many parents do it - with consent for safety.

Lying on beaches with strangers at 17 for a girl in this day and age comes with great risks. This is the era of county lines, grooming gangs, only fans, red pill blue pill, revenge porn, sexting and andrew tate. Only recently it was in the news about teen girls being raped in broad daylight whilst at the beach. Yes they caught them but the damage is done. Each year 100,000 children and young people go missing or run away according to the childrens society (https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/what-we-do/our-work/children-missing-home) . So whilst I agree with you that 17 is an incredible age, its about supporting exploration whilst trying to make things as safe as possible (with consent) in a very unsafe world IMO. I think you are living in the past and need to wake up to the present risks in todays society.

With or without consent, it’s unacceptable! You should be teaching independence, not fear!

It’s hard to share information about the literally millions of children and young adults that don’t go missing.

I think your level of anxiety about “these days” is shocking TBH!

You’re on track to raise a very anxious and isolated DD.