AIBU not buying my 2yr old a new birthday present?

[pontipinemum]

My DS is turning 2 next week and I don't think I shouldn’t buy him anything.

He already has everything he needs or wants. My older DS is 4, and I still have three full Kallax boxes of toys from when he was that age that DS2 hasn’t even seen yet. There are also gifts in there that are still too advanced for DS1.

I did a huge clear/ sort of the toys last year and gave a huge box of small baby stuff away for free, and sorted the rest.

We’ve always been fairly limited with toys. At Christmas they get one bigger present, one smaller present, a few surprises and a stocking. I think they still get plenty but not huge piles like I see online.

I’m the same on holidays/ days out. I don’t buy souvenirs or another little teddy every time we go somewhere because they already have plenty.

I’ve looked at some of the Fisher-Price animal sets, but he already has two that are very similar to the one he doesn’t have, so it feels pointless.

Would a cake and a few toys brought out from the Kallax boxes that he doesn’t know exist be enough?

I feel a bit guilty because it’s not that we can’t afford to buy him something. We could take him into a toy shop and let him choose whatever he wanted. I just really dislike buying things for the sake of buying them.

YABU - This is stingy
YANBU - It is fine

Absolutely what I plan to do with my baby. I’ve put away DS’s babyish toys and will gradually get them out to wrap for DD for her first bday/xmas. They are obviously different sex so she may want different things at some point, but for the most part I won’t be buying new things unless “necessary”.
I’d be spending the money on a day out for his birthday instead/annual pass to an attraction.

But you can make them feel special without buying a lot of new things? Or, at that age, even giving them much.

My eldest got mainly family hand-me-downs at birthdays and Christmas too, and until she was old enough to want specific things I'd mainly give her practical necessities to unwrap, like new clothes. I do the same with my second, and DD1 is of an age to feel pleased that her little sister is enjoying her outgrown toys.

DD2 will turn two in a few months and I won't give her much. I know she'll love to be sung to; to blow out candles, eat cake, see friends, get a handmade card from her sister, and have a special day out. She'll be delighted by her presents and not care or know that they aren't brand new. Above all she will feel so, so loved. That's the goal isn't it?

I have four boys close in age and I tend to get them something big to share when they’re this little. Eg my second child got an heirloom wooden block set for his first birthday. Still being played with by everyone years later.

Or I buy them something to go with toys they already have to enhance the play eg a trailer for their vehicles or more animals for their farm etc.

I’m conscious I don’t want my kids growing up thinking only my eldest gets bought things.

Does he have any special toys that are just his though? Or has everything been a hand me down/second hand?

As a youngest child who was given everything second hand or hand me down, or shared, it left me with an obsession with having new things all my own. 2 is too young to get that but be careful as he gets a bit older. Children dont always show this sort of disappointment.

My eldest got mainly family hand-me-downs at birthdays and Christmas too, and until she was old enough to want specific things I'd mainly give her practical necessities to unwrap, like new clothes.

My parents did this. I was disappointed every birthday and christmas but hid it to spare my parents feelings.

They will at 2 . But at 4 or 5, if theyve seen an older sibling get a scooter or bike, and they only ever get one their sibling or cousin had (and its never the colour they'd like), they notice. Believe me.

At 2 this is fine.
Just be mindful as he gets older so he doesn’t end up being the hand me down kid

The best toy my 4 year old got for her birthday was a rocket launcher toy. My little one (nearly 2) loves it too and it’s the only thing they really play with together properly.

I don’t buy much for my little one. All our toys belong to the house. Except soft toys they live in her room. I’ve realised he is lacking soft toys so I’ll get him one for his birthday! Other than that he won’t get anything new. He’ll have her old bike/ scooter. When he is a bit older (3/4) ill make sure he doesn’t feel like he always gets hand me downs.

We’re going on a day out to a zoo / adventure park as our present to our toddler. And ive made a photo book.

Do a lovely day trip and get him some messy play bits or something for the garden. It seems a bit mean-spirited to get him nothing.

Great insight, thanks for that. Obviously I've adjusted my approach for my seven year old. I wouldn't let her feel deprived or overlooked but that still doesn't mean she gets stacks of consumerist shite, and she LOVES going through Vinted with me.

A child turning two has utterly different reference points and expectations from one of school age. They don't need lots. They won't equate expensive gifts with love unless we teach them to.

YANBU
The more toys they have, the less they play with.

In your case I definitely wouldnt buy anything new. He REALLY won’t know.

I made the mistake of buying far too many toys, and the best ones my DS ever had were the few ones my MIL got for him from charity shops (she thoroughly cleaned and disinfected them).

Its more feeling that an older sibling got more effort/prioritised for what little money parents were willing to spend iyswim. If we'd all been bought nothing i might not have noticed but its shit when oldest gets all the new stuff just because they grow into it first.

I’m not saying it has to be new, expensive or lots of things. I’m saying nothing is a bit mean and it’s not hard to find a small thing specific to your child’s interests that they would love.

What about a little nature discovery kit? Or some things for the garden? Plant your own etc. Or a voucher for a day out somewhere nice? I’ve also seen people putting out some
toys that they already have - teddies, characters etc- and tying balloons to them. We did this with my son’s Toy Story characters and he loved that more than some of his actual presents!

I did similar with DC3.
My only regret is not having done the same with DC2.

Agree with this. Give him the joy of unwrapping some small bits. If you dont like plastic (and I agree) how about things like seeds to plant or craft items. I got 3yo DS things like pencils, coloured paper, play dough for his birthday. Probably spent £20! He didnt feel hard done by and its all been used not sitting around waiting to go to landfill.

Hi All,

Just to clear up one or two things. I have no intentions of doing this when DSs are old enough to realise. I know this will be the last year I do it. They will know this Christmas/ next birthdays.

The toys were put into the Kallax boxes and at the top of my wardrobe approx 20 months ago, so when DS1 was 2yrs old.

Younger DS has had plenty of brand new things bought for him along with some hand me down.

Per the above suggestions I got him some books and loved some of the ideas

Yes of course. Wrap up the toys he hasn’t seen yet. Great idea

I think I gave DS (now 15) a soft toy for his 2nd birthday, just for something to open. It was a character from a film he liked. That was enough really, I think from 3 onwards the kids got more interested in wanting presents.

Cake, candles, loud music and dancing around teh living room. Plus a big box of balloons - you can wrap the box and let him open it. Once he's done with the balloons, then he'll get another few days of fun playing with the box, including painting it.
Sounds like a perfect birthday for a 2 year old boy!

He’s a child. Your child. Don’t you want to spoil him and make him feel fabulous on his birthday? Get him some presents. New presents. Not stuff your other children haven’t played with yet. Only on Mumsnet do I see this sort of chatter. The something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read bollocks. If you can afford it spoil them with gifts. All wrapped up with balloons attached. Birthdays should be exciting for children. I’m 55 and bloody love opening my presents on my birthday. Waking up to banners, cards and gifts. Joy!!

Not stingy at all OP! My daughter are 2 next week too 😍 we have got them a sand pit and a few books and that's it. But I've seen a few social media posts recently about second birthdays with piles of gifts and I've almost bought more, but they already have heaps of toys and will be getting presents from family.
I think a few toys he hasn't seen before and a cake is enough. Maybe stick up a few balloons. He's two and wont even really know it's his birthday!
Mum guilt is mad isn't it! I wouldn't get him anything else and don't feel bad about it 😊
Maybe just wrap a couple if the kallax toys so he has something to unwrap.

Oh also OP if it makes you feel better, my girls see a doctor every few months due to being premature and she told me that at 2 kids really dont need lots of new toys and she told me not to feel the need to buy heaps of new toys just as it's their birthday. Family and a couple of bits is enough at this age ❤️

A lot of DC2’s presents were older things of DC1’s cleaned and wrapped up. It’s fine.

It took them about 10 years to realise…