AIBU not buying my 2yr old a new birthday present?

[pontipinemum]

My DS is turning 2 next week and I don't think I shouldn’t buy him anything.

He already has everything he needs or wants. My older DS is 4, and I still have three full Kallax boxes of toys from when he was that age that DS2 hasn’t even seen yet. There are also gifts in there that are still too advanced for DS1.

I did a huge clear/ sort of the toys last year and gave a huge box of small baby stuff away for free, and sorted the rest.

We’ve always been fairly limited with toys. At Christmas they get one bigger present, one smaller present, a few surprises and a stocking. I think they still get plenty but not huge piles like I see online.

I’m the same on holidays/ days out. I don’t buy souvenirs or another little teddy every time we go somewhere because they already have plenty.

I’ve looked at some of the Fisher-Price animal sets, but he already has two that are very similar to the one he doesn’t have, so it feels pointless.

Would a cake and a few toys brought out from the Kallax boxes that he doesn’t know exist be enough?

I feel a bit guilty because it’s not that we can’t afford to buy him something. We could take him into a toy shop and let him choose whatever he wanted. I just really dislike buying things for the sake of buying them.

YABU - This is stingy
YANBU - It is fine

At this age the most fun thing is the wrapping paper- grab a few of the toys you have and wrap them. As he gets older though he should have his own toys.

Would your older child recognise the old toys and want them back?

If not, sounds fine to me. I'd probably spend the money I've saved on toys on a birthday treat like a trip to the zoo or aquarium

I love that book. I think he might be a bit too young for it yet. But I think I will eventually get it for him.

@Ophy83 no, older DS hasn't seen anything in those boxes for nearly 2 years I don't think he will remember. He didn't remember any of the ones I took down when I took some out of the sitting room recently.
I've re-gifted items to younger DS before, at Christmas when he was a baby I think I bought him 1 new thing. But I think that this would be the last time doing anything like that.

A local woman who lives close by has 4 primary aged children. Who often agree with her about buying experience gift. I know she has done zoo annual passes/ theme parks/ a weekend away. When my sons get older I'll ask them too.

As long as he has things to open and you celebrate, you don't have to buy unnecessary bits for the sake of it.

It's grim not to have any presents, but that's different.

Just go wild in a charity shop - they’re chokka with plastic rubbish. Then there’s zero guilt.

I would take your older one to choose a gift for him (from the charity shop or handmade would be a fun tradition?) as the important bit is to teach them to think about each other. Then give him some stuff you already have, a few books and a super fun meal or activity that he enjoy. Eventually your kids will have different interests but for now its all much the same stuff so no reason to waste the time / money / planet’s resources.

I am a therapist and I would be cautious to not keep this train of thought going when they are old enough to realise. Especially if they start seeing friends birthdays. Obviously you don't have to go overboard, but presents do make a difference to children's self esteem. it's not the what they get, but the fact that they do get something, something of their own. It's the thought

@pontipinemum I think it's a completely sensible idea. Wrap up the old toys so he gets the experience of opening them and so that DS1 doesn't ask why he doesn't have any presents. Maybe add in a few things that get used up e.g colouring pens/crayons, bubbles, paper, playdoh stickers etc so that he has a few new things too.

I think it’s a bit sad you can’t think of anything meaningful your son might enjoy for his birthday. At that age my son loved dinosaurs so it would have been a big dino book, dino wellies and a few wee dino characters or cuddly toy to play with and go see a dino skeleton at the museum. It’s about making them feel special.

How about an experience instead of a toy? A special day out and delicious food.
No need to buy plastic tat 😁

He's 2! Of course they need to open a few bits at that age, doesn't have to be tat.

You say your DH is a fabricator? When my DD was about 2yrs old my DH made her a large (about 1m x 1m x 20cm deep) wooden sandpit with an integral seat along one edge and a snug-fitting lid out of pine & marine-ply, stained green & varnished. Filled it with silver sand & provided a "gardening set" and a few other sand toys. It lived in our garden near the back door. DD loved it and played in it for many years. It lasted remarkably well, revarnished occasionally. Eventually, when DD had grown out of sandpits, I gave it away to a nearby Nursery Class and they had quite a few more years out of it.

In my house, where things have been passed down, older dc still tries to assert ownership, meaning that younger dc’s stuff is never quite theirs.

Its very annoying but for this reason I would never make a hand me down be a birthday gift. The hand me downs just become communal toys but younger DC get gifts that are just theirs as gifts.

But then you're creating a huge imbalance.

DS1 gets new toys and no cash.
Ds2 gets the same toys but "used" and a bank account full of cash when he's 18

I reused my older DDs toys to gift my younger dd when she was younger, she had no idea. When I didn’t have something to regift I’d gift essentials, clothes, new lunch box, bath toys, something they could claim their own. I would also buy second hand, for her first birthday I spent £10 at a car boot sale, everything was in good condition and I regifted as soon as she outgrew the stuff which was about 6 months later.

Id probably still buy him something that could be his - even a couple of books. But only a token thing, he wont know

Sorry, if money is not an issue I think this is stingy and unkind. Tiny kids have excellent memories and spend their whole time rummaging around. He is likely to fully aware that a toy is an old one from the back of the cupboard. And will not be able to articulate it but will absorb the message that he does not deserve nice things. Why would you want to risk this? There are tons of wonderful children's books out there available very cheaply second hand on amazon.

Some fabulous books for two year olds off the top of my head:
Lucy Cousins - Hooray for Birds, Hooray for Fish, Peck Peck Peck
Helen Nicholl and Jan Pienkowski - Meg and Mog series
Daisy Hirst - Monsters series
Judith Kerr - Mog series
Sue Hendra - Supertato series

Yes.

I have 2 boys 2 years apart. Now 21 & 19, & despite almost all DS1's clothes/toys/books were all pass down able (always looked after things), there were always things DS2 would like - books/ characters he preferred/ wooden car or truck/ garden item. In fact, I remember buying him a wooden balance bike for his 2nd birthday: he loved that & was indeed riding a standard bike by himself before his next birthday (is a huge mountain biker to this day).

Absolutely fine at this age, when he has zero concept of what a birthday means.

Beware of offering a toy that is your other child's without telling them, as they may try to claim it back.

I'd probably end up buying something of a gift for the day but not a toy. Maybe something he needs but a nice version with his fave character- for example, slippers or a swimsuit.

I think you can take him somewhere special? Maybe you hate the tractor museum but that’s his favourite place so you take him there or something like that?

I don't think ds had many new toys being #3 at that age at all. I used to wrap them up from the selection we had in the loft. Occasionally the girls would comment that they'd had one like that, but they weren't bothered.

Ok, it was Covid but DC2 got entirely handed down presents for their third birthday. We went into lock down at the end of March and the birthday was the beginning of April. The party was cancelled too. I stuck all the money saved into their savings account.

Would he like a Tonie box or Yoto player? I think a lot of these ideas are very sweet but more for four plus. We got ds a Tonie box for his third birthday and it’s still used daily nearly three years on.

My 2 year old really enjoyed opening her presents this year so I would get some things.
You can still get clothes or other things if they've got enough toys.
We get the odd new thing for her despite hand me downs being available from the older one so she doesn't feel like the poor relation