Sister taking advantage of me for childcare

[MintyElephant]

My sister takes advantage of me looking after her son in the holidays and it’s really starting to p me off. I have spoken to her about it and she doesn’t react much to it which annoys me more.
We both have 6 year olds, I also have a toddler. Currently, my toddler is in childcare but I have none for my daughter as we don’t have a lot of family help, well none really. I’m currently managing WFH whilst looking after her whilst my son is in childcare (nursery) I have booked off 2 weeks in 2 weeks time and my husband the next week as all we could have off. Every half term, she doesn’t book any days off, I had her son for 3 weeks last year in the summer whilst I was off as again, she didn’t book any time off. She uses me at my own expense and annual leave to have her son as she knows I book time off.
We both have the same annual leave entitlement, she keeps saying she has none left - I don’t believe this at all. I have 2 weeks left now until April as I have had to count sickness for 2 kids (she has 1) as I’m the one who has days off when the kids are ill (husband is SE and the main Bread winner so can rarely take time off and is already at work if we’re up and then one of the kids is sick and he’s miles away) so falls on me every time.
She can WFH as well and I’ve had both my daughter and her son whilst WFH if needed. She never ever returns the favour, she will not book any days off and just expects me to have her son so she can save her annual leave (not sure what for tbh) and I’m here with 2 weeks left for nearly a year having to manage upcoming half terms and any sickness.
I begged her to help me next week as I have to go into the office for one day and I have no one to have my daughter and she just said ‘I don’t know’ I will be refusing to look after her son anymore if she keeps doing this, but I’m thinking, is she taking advantage or am I being unreasonable?

Find a backbone!

The word ‘no’ will also be useful

You need to sit down with diaries and agree who is doing which days in advance and make sure it’s fair. I’m a teacher so was always able to help my sister BUT her and her husband always took as much annual leave as they could - usually about three weeks and they then picked my children up after school. I wouldn’t have done it without it working both ways!

Have you always been a doormat?

Say no. Don't tell her when you're off. Don't open the door. Book a holiday club for your office day.

Say you’ll only watch her son for as many days as she’s willing to watch your daughter. This could be a great set up that benefits you both. If she says ‘I don’t know’ or ‘no’, then say you won’t be watching her son because she’s taking the piss.

If she is taking advantage, you are letting her! She can't physically force you, you're in exactly the same boat.

You need to stop and to tell her no!

This. Stop being a doormat!

Just stop doing it. Say no and that you won’t do it any more.

I have never agreed to childcare/hen nights/holidays/play dates/giving lifts etc etc when I didn’t want to do them. These things seem to cause so many problems for some people on here-just stop. People can’t ‘expect ’ you to do things-you have free will!

Like Zammo (should have said), just say NO!

Do they occupy themselves? Only saying this as sometimes having 2 is easier as 1 gets bored?

But yes just say no.

Forward planning…?
Hey Jess, was thinking, we need to plan holiday childcare. I will take leave for Jonny, so I can have Milly on Monday and Tuesday - which days can you have Jonny?

if she says she can’t then you can have a conversation about it being unfair. If she resists you can say that out of principle you won’t have her child, although it’s a shame as you’re in a position to help each other.

With regards to husband taking no time for kids illness. It’s a massive frustrating cop-out. He needs to step up. My husband has the kids equally and also goes out early (he has to come home!!) and earns a lot more.

They are both 6 this should be a good reciprocal arrangement.
Ie you cover 1 week or summer she covers 1 week of summer.
She sounds like a dick so I would stop right now.
Let her struggle with August.

I'd then offer her a 1:1 childcare arrangement where she goes first eg.
She does mon/tue of half term and you do Thu/fri... never the other way round.

Make this a "rule" and dont flex on it.

She is taking the piss. But also, in my job you are not allowed to wfh and take care of a 6 year old. For an hour or so maybe after a club ends, but not all day and certainly not all week. How are you getting any work done? My husband and I both have the flex to wfh some days and have zero family support so will need to book holiday clubs and split the rest of the leave between us. Its incredibly frustrating when another family member has used our parents for most holidays and the same is not being offered to us. But its what we planned for when we had kids.

Why are you being such a wet lettuce? Say no. It’s not that complicated. At the moment you are choosing the discomfort of looking after someone else’s child for long stretches of time over the discomfort of saying no. Your choice.

Don't bother with this.

She's not interested in making arrangements or being fair. She just wants to take advantage of you and the fact you don't say no.

Just stop having him. If she turns up anyway after you've said no, just turn her away.

Sorry you’re your own worst enemy, demand reciprocity otherwise it’s a no to watching her son

Yes, the first answer nails it.

"Sorry I can't anymore, it's too much. No I won't be able to help just until September. Sophie is going to this fab holiday club on Friday, here's the link."

She's doing it because you let her, it's clear you don't like confrontation or it would never have got this far. Use your words and tell her to parent her own kid.

People only take advantage of you if you allow it. You need to say a firm NO or put up and shut up. Over to you...

Learn to say no?

What? Just say No. That’s it?! Weird.

None of that. Just a No. Stop. Pause. That’s it, No.

Just tell her you won’t be having your nephew, your busy.

Stop being a doormat. Say no.

Let me guess, she was always the golden child?

As PPs, just say no. But I don't really think you needed telling that YANBU? So what do you need - scripts? Excuses? (Not being facetious, genuinely trying to ask how MNers can help)

I don’t really get what people want from these posts. Everyone is just going to tell you to say no. There’s no other magic answer.

Also how the hell are you managing to work while looking after kids?!