To think we were not in the wrong? Or were we?

[Catchthemall]

DD is a young adult with learning disability, autism and partially deaf who wears bilateral hearing aids. She is developmentally young for her age.

She really struggles with the bus but I cannot drive for medical reasons now. Yesterday we were on the bus and I ended up sat separately from her due to my mobility aid and the bus being busy near the front which she was not happy about. She sat on the outside seat to be nearer me a couple of rows behind which I had not noticed.

At a stop a man who could not have walked to the very back was getting on the bus but he was still paying and she had not seen him yet and the old women at the back of her decided she was too stupid to move herself when she saw him which she always does and immediately started poking her aggressively in the back. Strangers suddenly poking her aggressively and the fact she cannot hear well completely startled her and she told them not to touch her which they were fuming about.
As soon as dd saw the men she moved up and let him sit down and he was chatting to her.
The women were annoyed she had told them not to touch her and then went on a full rant about young people today thinking they own the full area and bus and blah blah at which point dd was on the edge of a meltdown and really worked up.

When they realised that she was with me they were a bit taken back but then decided to run with it and carry on calling me her a terrible person and me a terrible parent walking down the bus station because dd at that point was really worked up and saying she was autistic and they knew nothing about her life and should not be touching people.

I don't think we were in the wrong! She would have moved as soon as she saw him and if she had not I would have told her to move myself. If they had politely tapped her on the shoulder she would have been startled but it would have been fine.

Last week she got screamed at for using a disabled toilet, She has medical issues so this is a constant issue.

AIBU to think she did nothing wrong telling them not to touch her?

I’m so sorry you and your daughter experienced that. They were ignorant and totally in the wrong.

I feel very sorry for you and your daughter that she had to deal with such impatient morons

Disgusting behaviour. Some people are ignorant

Not that your DD SHOULD do any of these things but would your daughter be happy to wear a lanyard? Or have little cards that say “I have a disability” that she could just pass over to the next ignorant asshole?

You were not in the wrong. No one should be poking anyone else in the back and the person doing the poking got off lightly as some people would have given her a mouthful for the poking.

It sounds like your DD dealt with a nasty woman really well. You should be proud of her.

Well done to her for not accepting them poking her and speaking up.

They were totally out of order. Especially poking a stranger in t he back to get them to move but also just poking anyone full stop but also for the following verbal assault.

but specifically why should it have been your dd to stand and move and not any of the other passengers?

especially as she is also disabled herself and the HI probably affects her balance? (My HI friend has poor balance)

Tapping someone on the shoulder is fine but poking someone really isn't

Awful behaviour from those people. Good on your daughter for standing up for herself and for being considerate when she saw the person the man needed the seat.

As someone who has taken a lot of public transport alone and from a very young age, I can tell you getting shouted at/ told off by unknown adults is very common. Unfortunately there’s a lot of people out there that see a young girl out alone and feel liberated to “put her in her place”, I’m guessing because they think there’s nothing she can do about it. I can’t imagine how tough it must be when you have additional challenges on top of that.

It sounds like you’re raising a tough, resilient and polite young woman. Hopefully you will have far more good interactions on buses than bad in the long run.

She does have balance issues. She was sat on the outside seat to be nearer me, there was a seat next to her near the window. I had not realised she had done this as she was behind me and I had thought someone was already in the other seat. She would however have moved immediately to let him sit down as soon as she had seen him. They did not give her chance before laying into her (the man was still paying and she had not seen him yet)

I think that a lot of people have such small shitty lives that they look to pick fights as a form of entertainment. I'm sorry that happened to your DD who wasn't doing anything wrong.

Shocking behaviour. I know that nobody should have to wear labels but sometimes the sunflower lanyard helps people understand that not all disabilities are immediately visible.

Autistic or learning delayed is besides the point. No one should be poking anyone. When the man approached then one should move, as she did. She was exactly in the right and the woman is just a crotchety old cow.