Should partner leave his club over sexual messages

[Rachibe]

Name changed but long time poster on here.

Long story short, I’ve caught DP out sending inappropriate messages to another woman, who he tells me he met at the club where he plays padel tennis. She got his details from the group chat and they’ve been messaging since. He swears nothing has happened (I do believe this) and that he has made a stupid mistake which he regrets.

I am struggling to see past this though.

Example messages - DP sent her a photo cropped from instagram that she was in, posted from a social event at their club. She is sat down, he sent the photo and said ‘I wish I was that chair’.

There’s another one about how sweaty it was playing, DP sends an innuendo. The same night, he’s on about her having great stamina and says it’s good they’ve never been on the same team as he would need to buy bigger shorts.

I am feeling awfully upset and don’t know if I can get past this. Do you think there is any coming back from these comments and is it wrong of me to ask him to no longer go to that club?

I’d leave him. My ex-husband started like this and eventually it progressed to physical affairs. If I’d left when it first started I wouldn’t have spent the following five years in a high state of alert, eventually justified by his actions. Get out of it, he’s shown you who he is now - don’t waste any more of your years on him, we only have so many.

No way would I get past this. This is who he is

I’d leave him if he sent those messages to ME let alone anyone else. Just gross. 🤢

Apart from his cringey shit attempts at flirting, he clearly doesn’t respect your relationship so fuck him off and do some work to try and understand why you’re willing to work on a relationship with such an absolute loser.

The comment re: the chair is so creepy. You deserve better

Oh god, I’d have to leave him for his cringeworthy messages alone. “Buy bigger shorts” ew ew ew ew ew what a knob! If a man sent me that I’d die of secondhand embarrassment.

Why are you staying with him?

It sounds like he must have felt very confident those messages would be well received so it begs the question what else went on

Plus the messages alone are so grim

Him leaving the club would be irrelevant to me as the relationship would be over.

Jesus Christ. No. Stay at the club it’s you who should leave him. Not him leave the club. Get some bloody self respect and realise this is who he is. A sleazy arsehole who will never treat you well or love you wholly.

The banter alone is so icky and deeply unfunny 😣 I can't bear unwitty men with no game - the cheating just makes it easier to get rid.

Why do people want to turn bullshit like this into "an emotional affair" or "cheating"?

It's just what it is. Sleazy sexting with someone who isn't your partner. It's more than enough on its own to be a deal-breaker / relationship-ender.

This is about him working out to save his marriage. Nothing to do with you ‘asking for’ anything. You can’t do his thinking, feeling or caring for him.

Don’t delude yourself that you can control or save the situation by telling him how you wish him to behave, then praying or pretending he has done.

Gross!

He was going/hoping to shag her. Just needed the right encouragement from her. Did she respond? Good news is OP now knows he has form but got caught this time