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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

OP posts:
WinterBlues26 · 22/07/2026 23:42

He transferred £5,000 that day and tried to send a further £5,000.
Rose subsequently wrote: "You've given 10% of what I'm owed. 100% of my soul gone."
In a later message, the man wrote: "But I don't have 100k, I have no way of paying you that."
Rose reported the rape to police on 3 February.

Yes, I'm shocked. How did she think asking for 100K was going to go?

hotmumshit · 22/07/2026 23:43

I dunno

Yabu to expect better of society imo

Just another place for women to avoid. Sick.

N3wUs3rNam3Again · 22/07/2026 23:46

I don't think trying to extort money from him was probably her finest moment but

"In one message sent the following morning, Rose wrote: "Are you annoyed I didn't want to have sex," to which the man replied: "What no of course not. Was impressed by your restraint."
Later that day, Rose wrote: "You violated me last night, I didn't wanna have sex."
He replied: "I'm really deeply sorry, I was slightly drunk and I misread your signals, it's no excuse and I know it doesn't make it any better."
In a later exchange, Rose wrote: "You basically raped me." The man replied: "That's not what I'm into at all and I feel sick."

I don't understand why he wasn't tried for rape.

OP posts:
N3wUs3rNam3Again · 22/07/2026 23:47

hotmumshit · 22/07/2026 23:43

I dunno

Yabu to expect better of society imo

Just another place for women to avoid. Sick.

You're completely right.

OP posts:
Minasama · 22/07/2026 23:48

Perhaps it’s not a good idea to try to get money out of a man then report him for rape if he can’t pay. Especially not when the authorities are Chinese.

ScrollingLeaves · 22/07/2026 23:51

It seems she was most probably raped, but then tried to get monetary compensation from him.

He was still wrong for committing the rape.

AnonymityAnonymity · 23/07/2026 01:13

No not shocked at the outcome, given where the trial was taking place and given that she did try and extort money from him.
Usually I am very much someone who believes a women when she says she has been raped but tbh it's difficult in this case because it really gives the impression of a set up.

ClarissaImissHer · 23/07/2026 03:21

Minasama · 22/07/2026 23:48

Perhaps it’s not a good idea to try to get money out of a man then report him for rape if he can’t pay. Especially not when the authorities are Chinese.

💯

MidnightPatrol · 23/07/2026 06:10

So she initially got him to send her £10,000 - then asked for £100,000?

I don’t understand - why would he be sending her such large sums of money in the first place? Why would she be asking for this?

It sounds a lot like he was being extorted for money.

As for the question ‘was she actually raped or not’ - hard to know isn’t it, none of us were there, but the chain of messages and attempts to extort money all make it rather less convincing.

Passaggressfedup · 23/07/2026 08:35

You are you, total strangers to the situation, only reading about it in the media, when media will be purposely selective in what they post, to think you know better than the judge to decide what should have been a fair outcome?

Odot · 23/07/2026 08:40

What would happen if women started killing their rapists. There are so many rapes there would be a very sudden uptick in woman on male murder. The prisons would be overwhelmed. The streets would get gradually safer. Maybe that would make the government listen?

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 23/07/2026 08:46

It definitely feels like a set up to extort money from the off to me.

The message re ‘are you upset’ was her laying the foundations.

Theres nothing about what I just read that made me think it was the wrong outcome.

VestibuleWeaver · 23/07/2026 08:48

ScrollingLeaves · 22/07/2026 23:51

It seems she was most probably raped, but then tried to get monetary compensation from him.

He was still wrong for committing the rape.

Why most probably? It may well be that it was 100% consensual, then she re-wrote history for the purpose of extorting a large amount of money from him.

Ablondiebutagoody · 23/07/2026 09:33

Sounds like both rape and blackmail.

Loulou4022 · 23/07/2026 11:24

With only reading the article it looks like she set him up! Had sex with him then claimed he raped her and tried to exhort money from him.

N3wUs3rNam3Again · 23/07/2026 11:56

MidnightPatrol · 23/07/2026 06:10

So she initially got him to send her £10,000 - then asked for £100,000?

I don’t understand - why would he be sending her such large sums of money in the first place? Why would she be asking for this?

It sounds a lot like he was being extorted for money.

As for the question ‘was she actually raped or not’ - hard to know isn’t it, none of us were there, but the chain of messages and attempts to extort money all make it rather less convincing.

See I think the messages evidence she was raped and he initially admitted to it. She says "Are you annoyed I didn't WANT to have sex," to which the man replied: "What no of course not. Was impressed by your restraint."
Later that day, Rose wrote: "You violated me last night, I didn't wanna have sex."
He replied: "I'm really deeply sorry, I was slightly drunk and I misread your signals, it's no excuse and I know it doesn't make it any better."
In a later exchange, Rose wrote: "You basically raped me." The man replied: "That's not what I'm into at all and I feel sick."

Nowhere does she say they didn't have sex. I appreciate extortion is illegal but I'm just surprised he was not also tried for rape.

OP posts:
VestibuleWeaver · 23/07/2026 11:59

N3wUs3rNam3Again · 23/07/2026 11:56

See I think the messages evidence she was raped and he initially admitted to it. She says "Are you annoyed I didn't WANT to have sex," to which the man replied: "What no of course not. Was impressed by your restraint."
Later that day, Rose wrote: "You violated me last night, I didn't wanna have sex."
He replied: "I'm really deeply sorry, I was slightly drunk and I misread your signals, it's no excuse and I know it doesn't make it any better."
In a later exchange, Rose wrote: "You basically raped me." The man replied: "That's not what I'm into at all and I feel sick."

Nowhere does she say they didn't have sex. I appreciate extortion is illegal but I'm just surprised he was not also tried for rape.

The judge also mentioned she used disappearing text messages. I suspect there’s a lot more to this story.

N3wUs3rNam3Again · 23/07/2026 12:01

Passaggressfedup · 23/07/2026 08:35

You are you, total strangers to the situation, only reading about it in the media, when media will be purposely selective in what they post, to think you know better than the judge to decide what should have been a fair outcome?

Like anyone judges aren't infallible, having said that extortion is illegal so there is a case to answer there and whilst you're right I don't know all the details, with regards to her perverting the course of justice I am shocked and I'm shocked he hasn't be tried for rape.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 23/07/2026 12:03

The full court transcript which contains all the text messages exchanged between them does make the context quite murky in court: https://legalref.judiciary.hk/doc/judg/word/vetted/other/en/2024/DCCC0007332024.docx

A lot hinged on messages where she asked him if he was annoyed that she didn’t want to have sex the night before and apologised for stopping after oral sex and he replied that he wasn’t and it was fine as he didn’t want to rush her: the inference was that she wouldn’t have asked him if he was annoyed she didn’t want to have sex and apologise, if he had indeed used his penis to have vaginal and anal sex as she later stated he did. In messages which followed she talked about sexual fantasies - the implication again being that this is an unusual thing to do with somebody who you believe raped you the night before. I have no idea what the truth is, but the context does give an idea of what led doubt.

Then her demands for money followed, which make it a whole lot more complicated to work out whether it was a false accusation and blackmail or not.

Xiaoxiong · 23/07/2026 12:10

Agree with @ComtesseDeSpair - having read the court transcript rather than media reports, I'm not shocked - seems that while there was no reasonable doubt she was blackmailing him, there was plenty of reasonable doubt around whether he raped her and those doubts were introduced by the subsequent text messages painting quite a different picture.

N3wUs3rNam3Again · 23/07/2026 12:10

Odot · 23/07/2026 08:40

What would happen if women started killing their rapists. There are so many rapes there would be a very sudden uptick in woman on male murder. The prisons would be overwhelmed. The streets would get gradually safer. Maybe that would make the government listen?

Just think streets , homes would be so much safer if every woman/girl who was sexually abused killed their abuser.

OP posts:
N3wUs3rNam3Again · 23/07/2026 12:18

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/07/2026 12:03

The full court transcript which contains all the text messages exchanged between them does make the context quite murky in court: https://legalref.judiciary.hk/doc/judg/word/vetted/other/en/2024/DCCC0007332024.docx

A lot hinged on messages where she asked him if he was annoyed that she didn’t want to have sex the night before and apologised for stopping after oral sex and he replied that he wasn’t and it was fine as he didn’t want to rush her: the inference was that she wouldn’t have asked him if he was annoyed she didn’t want to have sex and apologise, if he had indeed used his penis to have vaginal and anal sex as she later stated he did. In messages which followed she talked about sexual fantasies - the implication again being that this is an unusual thing to do with somebody who you believe raped you the night before. I have no idea what the truth is, but the context does give an idea of what led doubt.

Then her demands for money followed, which make it a whole lot more complicated to work out whether it was a false accusation and blackmail or not.

Edited

The link isn't working for me.

I hear what you're saying but I believe victims of rape can say and do all sorts of questionable things. I understand her defense team are appealing.

OP posts:
WhyDoesItBotherYou · 23/07/2026 12:20

He’s a rapist.
She’s a blackmailer.

Both deserve some form of punishment.

VestibuleWeaver · 23/07/2026 12:21

WhyDoesItBotherYou · 23/07/2026 12:20

He’s a rapist.
She’s a blackmailer.

Both deserve some form of punishment.

Only the latter has been proven.

Passaggressfedup · 23/07/2026 12:24

Like anyone judges aren't infallible
They are much less so than the press and complete stranger who are writing their own narrative to suite their personal opinions.

For one, we don't know if there were texts exchanged but not published by the press.

For two, what has been published can be interpreted in many different ways.

People really need to stop using significant events to drive their own agenda. It's unfair on the people directly involved in the situation and it risks sending very wrong messages.