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AIBU?

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Birthday ignored

10 replies

LolaLo20 · 17/07/2026 10:04

Yesterday was my birthday and aside from half hour in the morning, it was largely ignored by my husband. He got the kids to sign a card and bought me some generic gifts, mainly ones I won’t ever use / don’t like (but I can’t say that without being ungrateful). We’ve been together for 15 years, so by this point he should have a good idea of what I do and don’t like.

I then dropped both kids at school, cleaned the house, did a couple of hours of work, picked them up again, made kids dinner, bathed them, made our dinner, kids bedtime, and then spent the evening alone downstairs while my husband was upstairs “prepping” for an upcoming job interview. When I poked my head around the door he was actually playing a game on his computer and quickly minimised the screen.

So my birthday was basically ignored and even though he was at home yesterday and had the day off work, he did not ask if I wanted to go out for lunch or dinner or even for him to just take over doing the endless loads of washing. And then he just left me alone all evening like my birthday doesn’t matter at all. When I spoke to him about it this morning and tried to explain why I’m upset, he told me: “Up yours” and stormed off back upstairs.

I am at my wits end and feel so down. I’ve suggested couples counselling before and he refuses, and separation / divorce isn’t an option financially and also because our eldest child has additional needs and such a massive change to their routine and environment will cause a lot of issues. So I’ve got no option but to keep muddling through, but I’m only in my 30s and can’t help but think I deserve a lot better than this

OP posts:
Dewdust · 17/07/2026 10:10

Some people arent good at celebrating others birthdays and some people just cant be bothered with more than lip service.
You sound fed up but feel trapped in the marriage due to your child with special needs.
Apart from only doing a minimal amount for your birthday, do you find him thoughtful in other ways?
Perhaps you could tell him you deserve a cleaner each week as he doesnt seem to pull his weight around household tasks.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 17/07/2026 10:10

Eh yeah just split up ! you can still live seperate lives in the same house for now - but you don't have to be together

stop doing things for him - no food, no laundry - just yours and kids

Organise your own fun things to do for your birthday in future (i booked the day off and went to the cinema and lunch bu myself this year - was so nice and relaxing

Im sorry you had a shit birthday this year

MagicMorning942 · 17/07/2026 10:11

You deserve better !

Happy birthday !

He made zero effort

Why not leave him & go out to a cafe for breakfast with a book for a few hours alone

Or

Go swimming

Do something that you will enjoy

PinkyFlamingo · 17/07/2026 10:14

Apart from only doing a minimal amount for your birthday, do you find him thoughtful in other ways?

Someone who says "up yours" when she tried to tell him how she feels doesn't sound very thoughtful to me!

TheBrunswick · 17/07/2026 10:17

It's his reaction that would upset me.
He knows you're right but hasn't got the maturity to address his own faults.
He could have said sorry, he could have said he was busy prepping but will make it up to you.
He chose instead to act like a 14 year old.
In fact my dgs is 14 and would be more mature in his response.

Naurrr · 17/07/2026 10:17

You don't like each other and are only not divorced because of your child, so stop expecting anything from him.

You can't be disappointed in future if you expect him to continue to behave like an acquaintance.
Would you child not learn to deal with changes if you processed the divorce? Your happiness and future matter, too.

inkgirl · 17/07/2026 10:18

Sorry to hear he made barely any effort.
Happy birthday.
It might be worth thinking about leaving. I know you said financially its not do able but is there any way you can start prepping to leave? Like put some money aside each month?

Tamtim · 17/07/2026 10:20

Happy Birthday. He was a complete tit and as the poster said above, too immature to admit he messed up and apologise. Don’t do anything to celebrate his next birthday

Dewdust · 17/07/2026 10:32

There are ways that separated couples look after special needs families so that the financial aspect doesnt interfere with the quality of care.
You would be entitled to more help than you realise ...

Gall10 · 17/07/2026 10:34

MagicMorning942 · 17/07/2026 10:11

You deserve better !

Happy birthday !

He made zero effort

Why not leave him & go out to a cafe for breakfast with a book for a few hours alone

Or

Go swimming

Do something that you will enjoy

Exactly…treat yourself to something special…jewellery, silk scarf, even a really good bottle of wine if that’s your bag! You deserve it even if your husband doesn’t make you feel special xxx

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