How common is autism among close family and friends?

[momtoboys]

Posting here for traffic. It has long seemed to me that very frequently a post on mumsnet includes mentions of SEN, autism, etc. Posters mention children having these traits, the poster has these traits, a friend or a partner. It appears that it is way more prevalent that I could have imagined.

How many of us have a person who is close to them (either family of friend) that has been diagnosed with autism? Thanks!

There will always be deluded people who live in fantasy worlds. It doesn’t mean we should pretend their fantasies have any merit or let them drive public policy, which should be based on evidence.

Yes, many teachers are bullied into compliance, over unlawful behaviour towards disabled children or even safeguarding issues. The state education system is now rotten to the core with law breaking being purported as normal: the rotten apples have spread their mould to almost the entire barrel. There needs to be a very robust regulator to root out every single mouldy one and throw it in the trash or the whole thing will continue to decompose.

Anybody who cares about children at all should watch this broadcast.

My younger daughter was excessively chatty and some people thought that meant she couldn't be autistic as she had such "good" social skills.

But it was a masking technique. She didn't quite know how to act around other people so she had strategies instead. People often her annoying and inauthentic.

Later she was diagnosed with a clinical speech and language disorder and went to a speech and language school where they tried to teach her not to be so forward, but it never really got better.

The big problem we had was that she would talk to anyone - teachers, bus drivers, the postman - like they were her friends, like she didn't understand hierarchies of people. My other daughter has autism too and so do my nephews and none of them do this.

Autism can come out very different in different people. Your daughter's behaviour could benefit from some speech and languagecsupport tbh. It will make her vulnerable when she is older and out on her own.

It doesn’t sound that unusual for an autistic girl. Autistic people are individuals as well as have as much variation in personality as non-autistic people. That said, it may be worth you considering if actually she has ADHD as well as autism, because that combination in girls often classically results in the type of behaviour that you describe, but then extreme exhaustion after social interactions. Hyperfocus on topics of interest, talking incessantly, asking endless questions, immense stubborness but also huge sensitivity (which they hide around people they don’t know, pretending to be very confident) and sometimes all of the questions can be a combination of the thirst for knowledge but also partly a defence mechanism; asking others questions as a simple way to engage (because people generally love talking about themselves) without having to reveal too much of themself to others, so part of masking. It’s hard to say though from such a brief description because autism is a neurological condition, it doesn’t determine her personality!

Also, please let me know where to collect my riches. Having autistic children has so far cost me a very high sum of money in legal and medical costs due to illegal behaviour from schools and Local Authorities and the failing NHS (so paying for these services twice, through my tax and then again through post-tax income), as well as it having cost me my career progression because I have children off school for months at a time, and my physical health, not to mention the trauma that this illegal behaviour from schools and the Local Authority has caused to my children and the lifelong damage that has done during their formative years, and the family time that’s been stolen from us while they are little with me instead having to be locked in my study preparing legal paperwork to try to force these abhorrent human beings to simply comply with the law and do their jobs (while also being expected simultaneously to fund their salaries!).

I’d love to know where to collect these “riches” or, as a minimum, a sufficient amount to refund me for the large amount of money these incompetent and disgraceful people’s illegal behaviour has cost me, so if the “many” people with this “perception” could kindly direct me to where I can at least collect a refund - if not some compensation to put us back in the situation we would have been in if they hadn’t been breaking the law for the last 5 years - that would be lovely, let alone “riches” 😆i.e. me actually getting MORE money than I started with before these sub-humans having trashed our family life, health, finances, my career and my children’s education to date.

This is very exciting news! I can’t wait to hear where I need to go to collect the cheque which - even for a basic refund - will now be well into 6 figures.

Loads of neurodiversity in my DH’s family

DS has ADHD (diagnosed) and probably autism (will be a few more years before he gets a diagnosis)

DD has dyslexia and some ADHD traits

DH has some ADHD traits

Lots of friends have at least one family member with ND

Me and DD have ADHD, DS diagnosed with Autism yesterday, Dsis has ADHD. A few women I know seem to think their kids have autism/ADHD, but they're not diagnosed.

Sorry I haven't come back to post. I find that statistic fascinating. Also the idea that people with autism tend to gravitate to people with autism so there may be clusters, makes so much sense but it never would have occurred to me.

My eldest daughter and both my brothers are diagnosed with autism. My husbands brother is diagnosed with autism. 2 of my friends are diagnosed with autism, 2 others diagnosed with ADHD. They all have children that have been diagnosed with either Autism or ADHD. 1 of my husbands friends is diagnosed with Autism. I also have a friend who isn't diagnosed but I strongly suspect is ND who has a brother diagnosed with Autism and both her kids are on the pathway for diagnosis.

My son is complex needs - profoundly autistic, with limited communication. He also has ADHD.

My partner is diagnosed autistic. My FIL is likely both, but undiagnosed.

My friend has 2 autistic boys - completely different profiles. One similar to my little boy, the other verbal and without cognitive impairment, but huge sensory and social issues.

Another friend is AUDHD, diagnosed as an adult, her son is autistic including ARFID.

Quite a few in my family, but it's genetic.

This is a community where everyone knows each other. These were children that I saw out and about and still see them now as adults. Many were/are friends with my own children. Many came to our home. My children went to their homes.

I think you're being very harsh in your view of teachers. So many here find it difficult to 'parent' their own children. Imagine trying to teach/entertain/supervise 25+ children at once, on your own!

We always worked closely with the few parents who had concerns about their children, but we're only talking about a few.

• My dad has diagnosed ADHD and autism
• My brother has diagnosed ADHD
• I have diagnosed ADHD and it's in my records that I display numerous autistic traits and assessment is recommended.
• My daughter has diagnosed ADHD and autism
• my cousin has diagnosed ADHD

Nobody is diagnosed on my maternal side of the family, but My mum and and two of her siblings have clear ASD and ADHD traits.

My maternal grandpa also has a lot of autistic traits.

3 of my close friends have diagnosed ADHD, 2 have a lot of ADHD traits.

Pretty much all of DDs friends are also neurodivergent as well 🤷🏽‍♀️

Teaching is not parenting.

I have not been harsh on teachers. I’ve pointed out that many of them have absolutely no idea about autism except for a few stereotypes they’ve absorbed, and obviously only know a child in one context, so it is baffling that so many of them seem to think they are experts on the topic. I’m sure there may be exceptions but the majority have little idea about it which, as I pointed out earlier, is hardly surprising given that they receive no training about it from anybody qualified during their professional qualification and the CPD on it is generally useless.

My father and grandfather, and my father in law and his father were "probably" autistic, given that today we know more about the condition, but they weren't formally diagnosed. All the traits were there. But me and DH always just thought they were "different" compared to parents of our school mates etc., which was how they were perceived at the time. None of them were bad enough not to live a pretty normal family life, long term jobs, etc., but none of them really thrived in their jobs despite all of them being very intelligent/smart etc.

To a lesser extent if we think about it, both DH and myself are probably a bit that way too given our behaviour, likes/dislikes, etc., but again, not really interested in getting diagnosed etc., as we've lived our lives as best we could.

Thankfully DS isn't! He had tendencies during his childhood and teen years, i.e. no friends, obsessive behaviour/habits, eating disorders, etc etc., but since he went to Uni and then moved to a new city for his graduate job/profession, he's really changed.

I think a lot of it is learned/observed behaviour rather than genetic via DNA etc., at least for the more minor/moderate end of the spectrum. To an extent, I copied my fathers' and grandfathers' behaviour, noticed they didn't have friends nor a social life, etc., so it was kind of "baked in" to me through childhood. But I'm first to accept that I'm talking about the minor/moderate end of the spectrum and not the severe cases of autism.

My closest friend's daughter was diagnosed as autistic nearly 30 years ago, and she's the only person with autism in my friends and family (as far as I know).

With hindsight, I think that I've taught a few students with undiagnosed autism over the years, but I still tend to think of it as quite rare.