WIBU To call the police?

[Helpless0190]

I know myself i wasn't BU. But everyone around me seems to think I was and now I have put myself at risk.

House on the street. Couple, 5 kids. Always volatile, enough shouting and screaming that I can hear their voices carry across the road into my house.

Over the past few years there have been incidents where I have called the police. The male is arrested, she doesn't support it, not enough evidence, nfa. I have also raised safeguarding concerns more than once.

A few days ago there was another incident (on the doorstep, its always on the doorstep) and it was severe enough for me to call the police again. They attended, arrested the male, and for the first time officers went into the property.

What they found was severe enough to remove the children. I do not know all of the details but the officer told me some and it is grim.

Because of this I'm now public enemy number one to the mother, and I'm assuming her partner when he reappears from wherever he is bailed to. She has been screaming over to my house, throwing things around the garden, generally losing it.

And now my own family think I did the wrong thing and I have put myself and DD in danger. But I dont see how I was supposed to sit back and let it happen - especially with what the police uncovered.

You did the right thing. Any threatening or intimidating behaviour needs to be documented and recorded. By this, I mean, save the ring camera footage when she’s throwing things or shouting abuse and contact the police every time so there is a log.

You may think it’s overboard but her behaviour may escalate as it dawns on her that she now needs to face the consequences of her actions, or lack of!

Police tend to be useless in these things, it will be called a civil matter however they will tell you to keep a log of incidents. Try and film her rants particularly those directed at you if you can, photograph anything thrown into your garden or damage with dates, times and this will help build a case as incidents with no evidence become "he said, she said" even when the problem people are intolerable are obviously guilty.

Contact the housing association and ask the name of the housing officer for that area. If you get a good one they take asb incidents seriously especially if it risks harm to their property, if there a noise issue (shouting, banging doors at all hours) contact environmental health and they may send a letter stating they've been informed of such and such asb and to desist or further action will be taken.

You did the right thing. So many people stay quiet until tension boils over or something happens to the children involved then they express their concerns how neglected the children were but people like this will continue to act this way if they think there are no consequences. Not all HA tenants are like this but I understand why your family are concerned for your safety. Any immediate concerns to your or your families safety always call 999.
Good luck

They removed the children meaning there was abuse or neglect happening. Of course you did the right thing reporting them.

Someone needs to advocate for children who don’t have the voice to do so.

Whoever is telling you that you shouldn’t have reported them should be ashamed.

Keep a log of all run ins and abuse from the family, if you haven’t already got one get a ring door bell or cctv camera for the front of the house.

I really feel the police should have kept you completely out of it-they shouldn’t be coming to your door for a statement or saying it was you who reported it when the woman told them she knew who it was. If they needed to speak to you, you could have arranged to go into the police station or speak on the phone.

That will put people off reporting things as they will be scared for their own family.

I would speak to the Police and ask why they told her it was you who reported? It should be confidential....You could apply for a non molestation order which will make it easier for police to prosecute her if she harasses you

You were right to call the police but I thought such calls were confidential

You were not being unreasonable and thank you for speaking up.

Take the line that the police came to your door because she told them to, you didn’t report and stick to it, loudly and often.

The police clearly had to take action, so obviously you've done the right thing. Even if it looks like she's left (I wonder if she's doing a runner before they want to speak to her - after all they'll want her side of what's been happening), you still need to report her harrassment to the police - it could help with any future case, but also to protect yourself - better they know now, than you go back to them in a week or so.

I work in safeguarding. You did the right thing, well done. The alternative was to ‘keep out of someone else’s business’ - the result of which could be devastating. Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility.

I can assure you that you100% did the right thing.
It is very difficult for children to be removed from an abusive home and very rare for them to be removed straight away. There really must have been grim findings for the police and social services to act immediately.

He needed to be reported, but I'd have wanted the police to protect my identity and would be worried if they didn't. If they want people to report possible illegal behaviour they witness in their own neighbourhoods, they need to make it safe to do. I'd not be eager to put my own life and family in danger, especially when the woman living with this man is so brainwashed that she won't stand up for herself. If it weren't for the kids involved, I'd wonder if it's worth reporting at all, sadly.

When I was a teacher and one pupil told me something about another that I had to act on I'd lie or be evasive as to how I found out.

I'd not say who'd told me. I'd say I was walking by and heard.... Several people told me..... Another teacher told me........ I've had a phone call etc etc.

You were absolutely right to call but the Policeman should not have come to you, allowing the wife to see that it was you.

Apart from you worrying he's added additional layers to the problem - that may well need sorting out.

So when i called the police I didn't give my details and they asked if I wanted to be anonymous. And then once he was arrested and taken, an officer came to my door. He told me that she had said I would give a statement, but he also knew I was the one who reported - maybe from past reports? They've taken my doorbell footage as evidence so it would have been obvious it was me.

I have reported asb to the council in the past but not damage to the property as it wasn't visible to me, now services have been in the house they have found damage though. A lot of it.

If they'd wanted a statement etc they should have come back another day/discretely so that it looked as if it were a different matter.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, OP. We're in a similar position with one of our neighbours, although not nearly as serious as your situation.

Police are never interested. Council are never interested. Local politicians are never interested. Nobody will help, but they still take our council tax.

You've done a good thing, she will see it in time I hope. Sorry it's made you public enemy number one, please ensure the police are aware of your threats and antisocial behaviour.

You know you did the right thing.

If you start having doubts just remember all the reports we have all read far too many times when things have ended up with candles and teddy bears and flowers piled up by the gate and thought to ourselves “But the neighbours must have known. Why the fuck didn’t they pick up the phone and call the police?”

You might have saved those childrens lives, or her life, or at the very least your actions might be the push that means that those children now have a chance of a different sort of future life if the cycle of abuse has been broken by your phone call.

Morally, most people would agree that evil prospers when good people do nothing.
But if your kids' aunties/uncles/friends or whoever you mean when they tell you that you did the wrong thing think that you should have prioritised their wellbeing over a stranger who didn't even want you to interfere, you might see their point.

I can see both sides.

You know you have done the right thing. But in doing so you have caused a further problem for you and I can understand why your family might be worried for you.

You need to go back to the police and report the mother's behaviour and also spell out your concerns for your safety when the man returns home.

Sara Shariff was known to social services from birth and still she was murdered....

Well done for safeguarding those children. I hope the bin bags are a sign of the couple moving out but don't pin your hopes on it. If the children were living in neglectful home conditions it might just be a frantic clean up operation so they can try and get the kids back.

It does look like a frantic clean up. The male hasn't been back and I'm hoping he doesn't come back now but he usually ignores his bail conditions and returns. But who knows. Maybe with social services on the scene she will see sense.

You absolutely did the right thing.

I think the mother's reaction is entirely predictable. Her children have been taken away, and regardless of her parenting and her awful relationship, it is completely understandable that she might be devastated and angry to have lost them, and in her eyes, you are the one responsible.

So while you were completely, 100% correct to call the police and raise your concerns, and you have clearly helped those poor kids escape a horribly dangerous environment, I don't think you could expect the mother to be pleased with you. It's unfair, certainly, but totally understandable really.

I'm very sorry the whole situation has made you feel unsafe yourself - it's awful for you. But you absolutely did the right thing, potentially a life-saving one, for those poor kids (and probably, ultimately, their mother in the long run, although she can't see that).

You absolutely did the right thing and it must have been very concerning for the children to have been removed. I hope she clears off and you never have to set eyes on her again and I hope both parents are held to account for whatever they have done to their children.

I'd say you and everyone around you are both correct. You did the right thing and you have put yourself in danger. Hopefully any children involved will be helped, hopefully the adult woman will see some sense and/or get punished as appropriate and hopefully the male will get the right punishment too. And really hopefully, both adults will be removed from the house completely though I have no idea how these things work.

I'm so sorry you are suffering because of these horrible people and from doing the right thing in the correct way. I hope you are ok.