AIBU to stop my six-year-old playing next door because of their dog?

[JustGiveMeTheNoodles]

I have a 6 year old son who is very friendly wotj the slightly older child next door. I think he is nearly 8.

Kid next door, let's call him Alan. Alams mum and dad split up a long time ago, id never known them to be together.

Recently (last 3 months) Alan's dad is back on the scene and has moved in with Alan and his mum. Alan's dad has brought is very large bull mastiff cross with him.

Alan keeps nagging my son to come to his garden to play on his trampoline (our top pole has snapped) and ive been making excuses.

I explained my concern discreetly to Alan's mum, that whilst shes said the dog is good, I couldn't relax with it being around my son, she is so huge. She understood and saod she would keep it inside if my son wanted to go over. After much nagging I allowed it whilst I sat in my garden.

I popped inside to get myself a drink and when I came back put, Alan's mum was outside with the dog "introducing her to my son". I asked my son to come back over as dinner was ready.

Alan's mum later messaged, saying the dog is fine (even though I overheard her say the dog was getting overwhelmed so would take her back in)

Anyway, here is my question. I am a bit of a helicopter mum apparently. I do worry about my son, he cries to go over Alan's house and im running out of excuses. Now, some might say I should just be honest but when he was younger he had a massive fear of dogs and we have worked hard to help him overcome this. So by me expressing worry about the dog, I worry it would set him back.

I do invite Alan over, to be honest he is over a lot and over for tea. But sometimes they wanna go over Alan's. It broke my heart seeing my son miss out going in Alan's pool yesterday but im so worried this dog could turn and attack him. Is this being over the top or am I right to be cautious? The dog is massive and I dont know its history

Better safe than sorry OP.

I personally don't trust any of the Bull breeds above French Bulldog size.

Do not take the chance. Your son will be upset but the son can come to you but do not put your son at risk. Dog may be friendly but they can still turn

My child would never ever be in Alan's garden or house, and I have had dogs for 30+ years including a Rottweiler.

Get your top pole for your trampoline replaced / repaired.

I mean, I think its ridiculous to damage your child's friendships over a friendly dog who seems to be well supervised and you've seen the mum take her inside when she is getting overexcited. Just sounds nuts to me but we have dogs and the kids know how to behave with them.

We had big ddogs..always always put away from other people's dc..
They are bu not to do so.

Replace your trampoline
.

Why has it ‘broken your heart’? That’s over the top, it’s just playing in a garden it’s not that bad. I wouldn’t trust a tiny rat dog either, but no you are not wrong to be cautious. Just keep saying no.

Replace the trampoline and buy a pool for your son. I love dogs but my child wouldn’t be playing at Alan’s house at all. It’s just not worth the risk imo.

You don’t know the dog, so no, absolutely not worth the risk.

Given the mother didn’t keep to the commitment she made you for even a day, it is a worry. I always hid our dogs away (soppy Labradors that would let our kids sit on them) when young children guests came round. You never know what someone’s child would do or what your dog would do. It was as much for my dogs as the children. I would never leave them unsupervised with our own children either. Just in case.

This.

The dog is supervised; there is no suggestion it is aggressive or would be left alone with your son, and mastiffs are typically friendly but bouncy dogs.

My dogs get "overwhelmed" by too much noise/too many people, or as I usually describe it, he gets close to activating idiot mode. It means he's going to start running zoomies around the garden with no regard for anyone who might be in his way, and so he gets sent somewhere quiet to chill out or is redirected to an appropriate outlet for his excess energy. It doesn't mean he's about to start savaging anything he can get his teeth into.

I actually own two of these mastiff type dogs (cane Corso) and whilst I’d say they a “lovely” there’s not a chance I’d be letting my child go play at someone’s house who has them. Their bite is stronger (psi) than a lion. . You child will stand no chance. Please do not let your child go over there. (Especially in this heat as dogs are even more unpredictable.
(we have them as working protection dogs - which is what they are bred for. Not family pets.). … I adore mine. But I wouldn’t trust them with a non family member.

The mother can’t be trusted if you’d made it clear you didn’t want your boy near the dog. She brought it out anyway.

Go with your gut feeling on this. You don't have to explain any more, your neighbour knows your views and she still 'introduced' the dog. I wouldn't trust her or the dog.

Don't let your child go there. The mother can't be trusted to supervise the dog as she let it in the garden after promising she wouldn't. She doesn't understand the danger as she thinks 'introducing' your child to the dog is all that's needed, as if your son is simply nervous of it.

There's your answer OP. Great reply.

I would not allow my child to play at Alan's, either. No way.

It's going to be much easier just to be honest with Alan's mum and also honest with your son. Explain that Alan's dog is very big and very strong; is living in a new environment and needs time to settle in and get to know his family at the moment.

Tell both Alan's mum and your son that Alan is welcome to play at yours. Maybe arrange to take them both out for the day, or something, so they have something to look forward to in the next few weeks.

It’s totally fine to say ‘I’m not doubting you think they are fine, but dogs are unpredictable
even to their owners. So my child will not play at yours while you have a dog’. No further discussion. You’re being a good mum, your child isn’t old enough to have the responsibility of gauging the dog’s temperament.

No I would not. A mastiff is not a normal dog for a pet in a domestic household. I have no idea why anyone would have one. Bar it being some sort of guard dog.
You asked the woman not to have the dog out when your son was playing. She ignored that and introduced the dog to your son.
Really awful situation. But have Alan over to yours. Give him tea.

Love the use of Alan, it makes me think on Alan’s Big Scary Teeth.

Anyway, I wouldn’t let my DC near a big dog like that either. You don’t know the dog nor its temperament so shouldn’t trust it.

I would say to them all dogs are ok before they kill the first person (or animal)

Why do people with kids have dogs like that

My child would not be going over to that house ever again.

We had a giant breed not a Bull and she was the softest friendliest dog until she wasn’t, she showed her teeth to my 5 year old niece when she was 10 so very old for a giant breed. I locked the dog way whenever she came over, never take a chance even with a friendly dog.

We do have a lovely big paddling pool. As for the trampolene, I can not find a replacement anywhere. I tried partsfortrampolenes.com and even they couldn't help.

We have lots for them to do over here. Ive never been a fan of him going to Alan's even before the dog. I find the mum quite neglectful.

Alan knocked my door one day and came over, saying his mum saod he was allowed. Several hours later I messaged her asking if I could give him dinner with us and she said "oh hes with you! I thought the house was quiet" 🤨 but thats another story.

I will message the mum, just wondering what to say to son.

For the poster who commented on me being broke hearted. Its because I hate seeing my son upset, hes so very sensitive and hes an only child so I like to see him have fun with neighbouring children, and I feel like im spoiling his fun.

That day, I went in the pool with him amd he and lots of fun. But mama is only so much fun!

Don’t risk your child’s safety just to be polite. It is always better to be safe than sorry and Alan’s mum can say the dog is friendly all she wants, you never know what will trigger a dog to bite.

Just look at Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace (from previous big brother fame) Instagram. She had a big breed dog and it recently bit her out of the blue. She said the dog was her baby and much loved but yet it still happened.

You say your job is to keep him safe.
The Dog could turn and Dogs can and do kill children.

Arrange some playdates with his school friends and explain that Alan is allowed in your house.
He is NOT allowed in Alan's...

This is almost more important than the breed IMO. She specifically promised she would keep the dog away from your son, and the first thing you know she's introducing them.

DS used to go on play dates with a friend at that age, and we didn't even know they had a dog, it was kept away from the kids when their DS had friends over, and that was a goofy black lab.

Dont give a damn what other people think about you, and think you're being over protective, do what you want.