AIBU to stop my six-year-old playing next door because of their dog?

[JustGiveMeTheNoodles]

I have a 6 year old son who is very friendly wotj the slightly older child next door. I think he is nearly 8.

Kid next door, let's call him Alan. Alams mum and dad split up a long time ago, id never known them to be together.

Recently (last 3 months) Alan's dad is back on the scene and has moved in with Alan and his mum. Alan's dad has brought is very large bull mastiff cross with him.

Alan keeps nagging my son to come to his garden to play on his trampoline (our top pole has snapped) and ive been making excuses.

I explained my concern discreetly to Alan's mum, that whilst shes said the dog is good, I couldn't relax with it being around my son, she is so huge. She understood and saod she would keep it inside if my son wanted to go over. After much nagging I allowed it whilst I sat in my garden.

I popped inside to get myself a drink and when I came back put, Alan's mum was outside with the dog "introducing her to my son". I asked my son to come back over as dinner was ready.

Alan's mum later messaged, saying the dog is fine (even though I overheard her say the dog was getting overwhelmed so would take her back in)

Anyway, here is my question. I am a bit of a helicopter mum apparently. I do worry about my son, he cries to go over Alan's house and im running out of excuses. Now, some might say I should just be honest but when he was younger he had a massive fear of dogs and we have worked hard to help him overcome this. So by me expressing worry about the dog, I worry it would set him back.

I do invite Alan over, to be honest he is over a lot and over for tea. But sometimes they wanna go over Alan's. It broke my heart seeing my son miss out going in Alan's pool yesterday but im so worried this dog could turn and attack him. Is this being over the top or am I right to be cautious? The dog is massive and I dont know its history

You're not been unreasonable.
My dog was absolutely lovely and soppy as anything, I was certain he would never hurt a fly. Didn't even react when someone knocked at the door... Until one day he flipped over something very minor and attacked my 2 kids, pinning one to the floor.
What an idiot I was to trust any dog.

Speaking as an ex dog owner with no kids myself but had friends with kids when I had dogs, I would never ever trust a strange child and my dog together unless I was going to be there EVERY SINGLE SECOND. Its not fair on the dog or the child or safe for either. That's not dog fear, its plain commonsense. Your neighbour has already broken a promise to you once and the outcome could have been bad. I would not trust her again and I love dogs.
Point one is to get your trampoline fixed or replaced.
I honestly don't know how to deal tactfully with your neighbour...I mean an "its not you, its me" conversation might work but you know that you can't trust her to do what she said she would do which is a huge red flag. If she had been behaving as she said she would and showing good sense then my comment might have been different. These idiots give dog owners a bad name.
last thing is that I would be saying the same whatever the breed. Not fair behaviour on the dog or the child.

This is very good advice. It’s nice to see dogs like this cared for by responsible owners (not saying Alan’s parents don’t, but…). I don’t agree that they are no different from small dogs. You explain it well here.

YANBU. My child wouldn't be going to a house with any dog I wasn't familar with and certainly not one that size. Ever. Maybe some think that's ott but I wouldn't doubt myself for a minute.

I'd be really annoyed that the mother brought the dog out despite knowing you were worried and she'd said she wouldn't. That's without even taking the breed into account.

I have a spaniel (cavalier) so no where near a bull breed but I wouldn't allow my dog near another child if their parent had specifically asked me not to.

No, I don’t fuck about with big dogs.

I also really wouldn’t like a parent saying she’d do something and then not doing it. If a parent asked me to do something at a play date, even if I thought they were being completely and utterly ridiculous, I’d stick to it if I agreed. If I didn’t want to stick to it, I wouldn’t say I would and then go behind their back.

No. Absolutely no way.

OP, put an end to your son visiting next door for any reason. Posters have pointed out why it's not safe to do so because of the dog but there's also the fact that the other mother is somewhat neglectful. She didn't even know her son was at your house, why would you trust her at all with your six year old? Despite her promise to keep the dog inside you know she brought the dog into the garden where your son was playing. You can't trust her and you can't trust the dog.

I love dogs and I'm a dog owner but there isn't any way I would let my child go to that house where there's a careless parent and large bull breed.

She's already shown she can't be trusted by trying to introduce the dog to your kid. She said she would put the dog away.

Mastiffs weigh, what, thirteen stone +++? Not worth the risk. Six year olds can cause a dog to snap by accident (tripping, treading on their foot, anything) even if the dog is nice. I just wouldn't risk it.

I’m a dog trainer. My advice to you is to keep your child away.
Not because there is anything inherently wrong with the breed but there is clearly a problem with the idiot mother being neglectful and overly risk tolerant. Not to mention she deliberately went against your agreement the second your back was turned
Given all of that and the fact that she’s had the dog all of ten minutes, I wouldn’t trust her judgement whatsoever on the dog’s temperament or to have any ability to read it’s body language correctly

@JustGiveMeTheNoodles I am a dog owner & have had a GSD, Rottweiler etc all big dogs and I would not let any child I know near any dog.

I do not know another dog’s temperament and a dog can get annoyed quite quickly in this heat. Your neighbour should not even have been introducing your son to the dog after you had expressed your concerns. Did you not ask her why she did that?

You are not being unreasonable, invite the neighbours son over but do not send your son across again.

That is not OTT but a responsible parent.

Unless you have known that dog since day dot & know of its temperament and the owners are responsible even then I would still be insisting that children are kept away.

A dog can turn without warning & that is why dogs are never left alone with children doesn’t matter how calm that dog is.

It wasn’t her dog it was her friends and it is a pocket bully. She was drunk and had been antagonising the dog. She went to the hospital and didn’t even have 1 stitch! If it had been a bite from a XL Bully like she claimed there would be blood all on the white dress she was wearing and there wasn’t a single drop. Why she has chosen to lie only she knows and considering there is video evidence to show what happened is even worse for her. Not the behaviour of a dog lover in my opinion. The owner of that dog should have removed it as soon as Aisleyne started to annoy it.

Imo a ddog is only as safe as the people who own them.

Her dog or not, drunk or not, she was bitten.

Children can be loud, act erratically, not realise when dogs aren’t happy.

It doesn’t matter the situation, dog bites can happen.

Agree with PPs.

I have five Golden Retrievers and my DDs have 'lost' friends because their parents won't let them come over due to the dogs. Just one of those things. I disagree with the parents as I would never have had those children around my dogs anyway (I would never have young children around my dogs - not for the children's safety, but for my dogs), but ultimately it's their choice. .

But this situation is different because the mother has explicitly gone against your wishes. The breed is not the problem, the mother is. There's very rarely bad dogs. There's thousands of bad owners.

Thanks everyone. I knew i was doing the right thing. I know that if that dog did turn on my son, he would very likely be killed by it amd its not s chance im willing to take

I like dogs but my kids only go to play at houses where I know and trust the family and know the dog's temperament really well.

That's all very nice, but a Cane Corso and an English Mastiff are known to have quite different temperaments. English mastiffs are laidback and easy going gentle giants and Cane Corso's are not. I wouldn't own a cane corso if you paid me, I think they should be banned, English Mastiffs and Italian mastiffs (Cane Corso's) are not the same.

Could you go round with your son as a compromise OP? That way you can get to know the dog too and see what you think.

this

I have a large breed dog but still wouldn’t want my child at someone’s house with a large dog, especially without me

I also don’t have children round without securing my dog away from them, he is so friendly with his family but you just never know do you. It’s not worth the risk when they’re so large.

She can see what she thinks but she can’t see the future. She doesn’t trust large dogs around her kids and that’s fine, she also doesn’t trust the mum. So going and seeing if the dog is friendly to her won’t give her anything.

It would be a non-negotiable ‘no’ from
me. Even if the risk is low, it is still too high to take where your son’s safety is concerned. Dog owners are not to be trusted, they are too selfish and soppy over their animal to put your child’s well-being first.

I have had 4 Bullmastiffs , they are my breed and they are fabulous family dogs . However I know my dogs . I wouldn’t let a child near any dog I didn’t know . Dogs this size need respect about the damage they could do if not socialised . They are big and if one went rogue there’d be nothing you could do about it . 10.6st of muscle is formidable.

It’s a 100% No from me. Those type of dogs aren’t pets, they’re far too big and strong.
I'd have Alan over to play but there is no way my child would be going round there.