AIBU to stop my six-year-old playing next door because of their dog?

[JustGiveMeTheNoodles]

I have a 6 year old son who is very friendly wotj the slightly older child next door. I think he is nearly 8.

Kid next door, let's call him Alan. Alams mum and dad split up a long time ago, id never known them to be together.

Recently (last 3 months) Alan's dad is back on the scene and has moved in with Alan and his mum. Alan's dad has brought is very large bull mastiff cross with him.

Alan keeps nagging my son to come to his garden to play on his trampoline (our top pole has snapped) and ive been making excuses.

I explained my concern discreetly to Alan's mum, that whilst shes said the dog is good, I couldn't relax with it being around my son, she is so huge. She understood and saod she would keep it inside if my son wanted to go over. After much nagging I allowed it whilst I sat in my garden.

I popped inside to get myself a drink and when I came back put, Alan's mum was outside with the dog "introducing her to my son". I asked my son to come back over as dinner was ready.

Alan's mum later messaged, saying the dog is fine (even though I overheard her say the dog was getting overwhelmed so would take her back in)

Anyway, here is my question. I am a bit of a helicopter mum apparently. I do worry about my son, he cries to go over Alan's house and im running out of excuses. Now, some might say I should just be honest but when he was younger he had a massive fear of dogs and we have worked hard to help him overcome this. So by me expressing worry about the dog, I worry it would set him back.

I do invite Alan over, to be honest he is over a lot and over for tea. But sometimes they wanna go over Alan's. It broke my heart seeing my son miss out going in Alan's pool yesterday but im so worried this dog could turn and attack him. Is this being over the top or am I right to be cautious? The dog is massive and I dont know its history

This. Nothing more needs to be considered or said.

Nope. She couldn’t even keep her word about keeping the dog separate for one time!

worse then that she actively encouraged the dog to interact with your son. Sorry for your boy, and Alan (sounds like he is not in a great situation poor wee thing) but play dates next door are a no while a dangerous dog breed is there.

I say this as a dog lover and owner x

Fix your trampoline and say they have to play at yours.

Absolutely no chance would i let my son over there. You set a boundary about the dog and the mum broke it straight away. It simply isnt worth the risk, let then enjoy your home instead and thats that 🤷🏼‍♀️

As tempting as it is to keep your kids away from all dogs, it's not really practical in the long term. They grow into teens and adults and visit friends their parents haven't even met, never mind been able to vet what dogs they own.

You need to teach them how to behave around dogs, and you can only do that by allowing them near (supervised and under control) dogs.

In this instance, with the drip feed of Alan's mum being neglectful, I would say only allow DS to visit if OP goes with him, but going forward, with other dogs and less neglectful parents, a blanket ban will achieve the opposite of what you want.

If you don't teach your children how to behave around dogs, they will grow into adults who don't know how to behave around dogs, and run the risk of ending up in the situation that the BB "star" mentioned on here was in. I'm not entirely sure what she thought she was proving by posting the picture of the dog a few minutes before it snapped, but what she did prove was that the dog gave plenty of very clear warnings that it was unhappy with her being so near it. She then admits that she approached this clearly unhappy dog and inserted herself into its space.

The owner of the dog also needs to take accountability for letting her do it. The only one blameless in this incident is the poor dog.

I love dogs, my now adult son loves dogs he grew up around dogs but I would not have left him at somebody else's house with an unknown dog. It is better to be safe than sorry. Imagine something does happen, you would be devastated and blame yourself for not trusting your instincts.
Additionally Alan's mum has proven herself to be untrustworthy as you only agreed if she kept the dog out of the way and the minute your back was turned she's introduced the dog - that in itself would be enough to rule it out.
I would be semi honest with your son and say you prefer Alan at your house because you're not that comfortable with him going there when they've got a large dog that you don't know. If he asks if it is dangerous you can say no I just don't want you playing in the house where there's a large dog and this is Mummy's decision.
I'd tell the truth just in case Alan or his mum says anything to him.

Blimey that are bloody handsome! You are very sensible though as they arent pets.

I definitely think members of the general public should be vetted before being able to buy a cane Corso …and I also don’t understand why they aren’t banned. (Or at least have to be muzzled in public)

They are lethal.

That’s why we personally have them … I get quite a few death threats (to do with my job) and they are absolutely devoted to their families … and wouldn’t hesitate to attack if they thought their family member… In this case, (let’s say in this case “Alan” ) was under attack, trouble is a dog, (let’s say any dog, but particularly a cane Corso) can’t really tell that kids screaming, running, jumping on trampolines or hugging each other / playing football is tackling or being “attacked” and this won’t be a gentle nip from a spaniel. .

I have no experience of English Mastiffs, but if they are gentle giants they wouldn’t be any good for us 😊… but I guess we don’t even really know of the OP’s neighbour is sure what it is anyway. They do all look a bit similar. .

Even though the Mum said "She understood and saod she would keep it inside if my son wanted to go over." and then didn't do that?
That shows a complete disregard for OP's wishes.

I'd like to live in a world where I didn't have to "learn to behave around dogs".

Any dog, big or small, can unexpectedly react aggressively to the wrong stimulus. With such a big, powerful dog the results could be fatal. YANBU.

No not unreasonable at all. My SIL has an English bull terrier and while he is the most loving friendly dog to everyone he meets, he is huge and extremely strong and like every dog can be unpredictable and very protective of his family. SIL knows my feelings on him being around the kids so when they are round at hers the dog is either out with her DH or in a room the children cannot access. You aren't being a helicopter parent op, you're being a good mum, trust your gut.

Fix your trampoline and have the boy come to your house. No way I’d let my DC anywhere near the dog.

I’m a big dog owner and I wouldn’t let my kids play at Alan’s either. The combination of dog and a potentially nervous dog inexperienced child is a bad idea. I know nothing about the mastiff breed and I would say the same about a child hanging out at a house with a Jack Russell. Alan’s mum can’t be trusted to listen to your boundaries so it’s a no from me.

All kids I know play with dogs, though it's good the mum is supervising and taking it in if it's overexcited. None have been hurt by the dogs (all the dogs are well trained/looked after and supervised) but a lot by other kids.

My daughter and next door neighbour were standing on either side of our fence swapping Pokémon cards. Neighbours child made a loud shriek as my dd handed her a card. Their dog came running and grabbed my daughter by the wrist biting through and causing several wounds also knocking neighbour of the chair she was standing on as she shook my dd’s wrist. This was a dog we had known from a puppy. Excuse was that the dog didn’t like the heat.

Please trust your gut on this.

I bet that in the vast majority of cases where a child has been harmed by a dog somebody has said 'Oh it'll be fine, they're a softy, they're supervised, they've never bitten anyone before, they love kids' etc not too long before. You are absolutely not being unreasonable OP, but you will just need to say why you're not allowing your child next door. They'll say you're being silly, but so what?

My kids would not be allowed anywhere near

I'm a dog owner, and get frustrated by people being over protective around their children and dogs, and actually causing the children to behave inappropriately and teaching them to be anxious around animals. Far better to get them used to dogs and how to interact appropriately and confidently with them. I have been teaching my grandson dog handling skills and how to 'read' dogs since he was old enough to understand instructions.

In this case though you aren't being over protective. No way would I let a child near a bully/mastiff type dog.

Any dog that is lethal should not be allowed at all.

It always amazes me that people think they can manage and control any dog. Always and at all times. And that if a particularly robust type the family will never be turned on or harmed.

A dog such as a Mastiff that weighs a lot is, if upset or angry, not going to be gentle.

I am a dog lover but I agree with you on this. The sheer size of the dog is enough to make it dangerous to a child who they could easily knock over.
As others have said, get your trampoline fixed and have Alan over to yours more often if you want the boys to play together