AIBU to expect MIL to arrange DH’s 50th birthday gift herself?

[WithTwoGiantBoys]

It's a MIL one.

DH turns 50 next week, MIL has messaged me to ask me to choose, schedule, book and pay for an experience gift for him, she doesn't mind what it is up to a certain budget. I'm working full time and work is absolutely manic, I haven't even sorted out what I am getting him (for complicated reasons I am conflicted about getting him anything at all), so aibu for thinking that as she has been retired for 20 years she has time to sort this out herself?

YANBU. Bat it back to her!

Yes. Tell her asap that she needs to choose and organise it herself.

I would say ‘sorry I have no time this week to organize this for you but I think he might like … cooking lesson ..massage vouchers… snowboard lesson … wine tasting’

Maybe just send her a message that says no to the white-water rafting or the tank driving (or whatever), so please can she choose one of the others.

My parents do this…to me…for my own gift… I mean if you outsource the whole thing what’s the point? She should write him a cheque and be done with it.

I already tried batting it back yesterday but she has followed up to ask if it is sorted now. I did suggest something but she didn't want to get that. I just feel.like I haven't got space in my head to even think about it! I'm so tired and we don't have a holiday booked yet and the only window we can have it in is from next week so that needs to be a bit of a priority.

Tempted to just buy an experience voucher to give to him and he can do all the scheduling!

I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to politely tell her to do it herself, she doesn't like me as it is...

They are all terrible at this, they used to just swap cheques at Christmas until everyone eventually realised that was pointless and it stopped!

Be honest and tell her you’re too busy to deal with this right now.

My mum does this for my kids Christmas and birthday presents. Plus getting me to wrap them for her.

I once suggested cash for DS1 and she had the audacity to say no she didn’t want to make it look like she hadn’t made the effort. Well you haven’t ever made the effort I have!!!

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Well if she already doesn't like you that makes it easier. Just send a message "as I said yesterday, I am not able to help with this. I'm sure he'll be delighted with anything you choose for him"

This is a great message, it's polite but firm. and then you can concentrate on booking your holiday

@mugglemother you can say that again 😆

Just tell her you’ve not sorted out the gift you want to get him yourself and you’re not going to have time to sort out one from her too.

FFS, if she wants to give him a gift, she’s got to do the legwork!

Hahahaha I just spat my cuppa out at that 😂

“Sorry Mabel, I haven’t got time to sort this for you. Hope you get it sorted.”

This is perfect. Then ignore further messages.

I’d suggest one thing and if she declines say well its best to get a voucher as i’m afraid i’m super busy at the moment. Sure she is capable of browsing and thinking of something her son will like.