Hi,
Looking to see whether IABU with my feelings towards my mum.
When I was pregnant, my mum made such an incredible fuss of becoming a grandparent.
She said she would come every wednesday to take care of and bond with baby, so i could work one day a week (i was self employed). She said this off her own accord, I never brought up her helping out or even hinted at it, so this was lovely to hear and i agreed.
Since DD was born this hasnt happened once, shes never looked after DD alone even for 30 minutes on a visit , she always comes to be hosted, sit on the sofa and take photos for facebook. I literally asked her to make her own coffee when she visited the other week and she didnt know where i kept it 😅.
DD is 17 months now, my mum repeatedly mentioned how shes looking forward to lots of days out and ‘making memories’ this summer now DD is a toddler.
The last time i invited her to join us on a day out, she made a big fuss and said it was ‘too early on her day off’ to wake up and get there for 10am (1 hours drive for her). She works part time and was about to go on a 3 week cruise so I didnt think it was particularly taxing event/drive for her as shes in perfect health.
She lives just over an hour away, and wont join us on days out unless its 20-30 minutes max from her house. As a result, we havent had many joint days out at all (we have yearly passes to farms and softplays close to our town as its easy for me to go there quickly in the week). She also wont come if its too early (9-10am).
Dd had planned surgery last year at 5 months old, it was the most horrific and traumatic thing in my life, and my mum wasnt there for us. She went on a cruise which was pre booked, which is fine and cant be helped, but I just thought she would come and visit ASAP or something? i dont know what i expected, some kind of support or concern, but she didnt.
I cried at Christmas saying I missed her, tbh I was just having a rough time with DDs sleep, she hugged me, but she just looked shocked and embarrassed that I was crying at a family event. She asked if i was ok via text later that night, but i wouldve appreciated a conversation or support in the moment.
I am now pregnant with baby number 2, trying to work out how we’ll manage 😅, and I guess I’m obviously emotional but feel sad reflecting on things and how my mum didnt really ‘show up’, despite the incredible constant fuss and promises she made whilst i was pregnant.
It just all feels very surface level and superficial.
AIBU to feel this way?
I’ve pretty much accepted this is the reality, and this is how its going to be, i’m coming up to my 12 week scan which is when we are announcing the baby, if she starts promising allsorts again and pushing boundaries with scans and announcements (She announced our pregnancy to lots of people before we did last time, when we told her not to.) would I be wrong to be harsh or stern with her?
I.e please only say you’ll commit to something if you really mean it, me and DH are trying to figure out what support we can outsource etc.
For context I’m a sahm mum now, and DH is out the house 7am-8pm 4 days a week.
Thanks for reading, sorry if it turned into a rant.