AIBU to feel upset seeing Year 6 friendship photos exclude my daughter?

[Yearbookk]

Year 6 DD class was asked to upload pics of themselves inside and outside of school on teams. She’s been really excited and spent ages choosing the right pictures. Class only has 16 kids in so she tried to choose pics where everyone was there so for example all the class parties she had, school concerts etc.

she’s been really upset today (as have I) as we looked through the pictures. There are tons of pictures of the girls she thought were her friends at various activities without her e.g. cinema trips, bowling, sleepovers and parties she wasn’t invited to. I know not everyone can invite every child to a party but that doesn’t bother me, the days out without her bother me. We’re moving away and the kids have been crying that they will miss her (it’s an all through school) and she has been receiving so many gifts. We finished school on Friday. It’s just really upset me that she was never invited.

plus we have invited the girls - there are 8 in total including DD to activities like when I took them cinema etc. and booked other things but not one of those pictures has been uploaded by them. She really considered 3 of them her best friends and they were hugging and crying on Friday but now to see they did all these things over the years without her. Plus the parents must know how it looks but still posted the pics. It feels to me the whole of primary was a lie as I thought these mums and kids were our friends. DD is really upset and has told me she doesn’t want to see them again. We have invited the girls to our home next week to say goodbye properly. I really feel like cancelling

She’s leaving. They’re concentrating on the people who’re sticking around.

She is probably picking up your intensity she is moving away people move on you need to learn to cope in life

She’s not the only one leaving. That’s not the reason.

Its not unreasonable to be upset OP - but try to let this go. Your DD is moving on to a new school and will no doubt make new friends.

Unfortunately this will have to be a lesson that sometimes friendships can dissapoint you, that you can do everything right and still not be picked.

@Yearbookk
Please believe me when I say that at primary school age, the majority of our of school socialising is parents who get on.
My now adult kids both expanded their friend groups from 11 onwards, and changed their best friends but I am still good friends with the mums I met while they were together at primary.

The photos in no way indicate that these girls are not all friends together. if you imply otherwise you will sow a seed of doubt in your daughter, which is unnecessary.

@Pineapplewhip thank you. I’m not the only one who’s feeling this way as a couple boy mums also commented the same to me. Especially sleepovers they didn’t know about. I feel quite a few children will be upset. I wish school had said pictures only taken in school like the concerts etc.

Ok, so what do you think the reason is?

It makes no sense to be retrospectively upset about invitations they didn’t get years ago!

I think maybe I thought I was better friends with the mums than I thought? I am autistic but I am highly functioning and people are shocked when I tell them so maybe I thought we were better friends and as a poster upthread said it’s usually which mums are friends that’s how social activities are done.

But think about this - you thought you were friends with a group of people but then you see posts on Facebook on all the days out they did without you. I’ve read posts myself written by women all the time on same scenario and people sympathising with them!

This is exactly why I think schools are very silly to ask for photos for things like this. They have plenty of photos they have taken over the years in school and at school events. All this does is give the popular kids another chance to show how popular they are.

So you think this is about you, rather than your daughter? I saw very little of DS’s friends’ parents for the last couple of years of primary school— they were arranging their own social lives by then. We certainly weren’t close friends.

Kindly OP, this isn’t about you. Your daughter will take her cues from you, and seeing you “very upset” is likely to upset her as well. Maybe try and deal with your feelings without involving her. At the end of the day, it’s not a nice feeling, but these things happen. It’s all part of growing up.

I agree!

How can I word this properly to the school? I’m not the only one who feels this way. One mum confided in me and told me her son is upset that he wasn’t invited to the recent sleepovers; She thinks it’s to do with racial reasoning but I told her we experiencing the exact same too and we’re English! So that’s not the reason at all it is to do with popularity definitely

Have you had serious issues yourself? this is not about you you seem very over the top about this? It is not normal behaviour

Sorry my daughter is 11 she is not taking it from me she pointed it out all by herself!

I didn’t exactly tell her how to feel she pointed it out that “sally” (not real name) she thought was her best friend but not invited her. Her being upset made me upset.

Agreed. Parents should not entangle their social lives with their children’s.

But you’re saying it’s about you, that you thought you were better friends with the other parents, and that this is why your daughter wasn’t invited to the various sleepovers etc.

It was silly of the school to ask pupils to post pictures of them outside of school and I'm sorry your daughter is upset. I'm sure she wasn't deliberately excluded from outings and sleepovers, as others have said it's more likely to be parents who are friends getting together with their children. Your daughter must have gone to sleepovers and parties with her friends over the years? Time to put it behind you and look to the future - she will make new friends when you move away and have lots of fun times in the future.

I understand because as a parent of adopted children and also a foster carer my children were not allowed, for safeguarding reasons, to have photographs taken or some were not allowed sleepovers or accept some invitations. And they often felt very left out. However, me showing upset would not have helped the situation.

But you’re saying it’s about you, that you thought you were better friends with the other parents, and that this is why your daughter wasn’t invited to the various sleepovers etc.

No That’s not true I was responding to a question “what do you think the reasons could be” a poster suggested if parents are friends kids get invited to more things so my response was the reason she wasn’t invited could be we (myself and the parents) weren’t really friends.

I agree with you op and it hurts so much to see your DC being excluded. But it's your job as her mum to play this down... don't add fuel to the fire. Tell her that they were still here friends and remind her of any good times which were had

You can’t say anything to the school you will look bonkers. They have no control over parents social lives outside school. I guess you could feedback not to do this in the future

So why did the school not use any of your DD’s photos that you/she submitted? I mean when my DD does stuff with friends I might take a group photo but that’s it, why would the others submit pics of activities you organised?
It’s poor there have been get togethers when your child wasn’t invited if she was part of the group. That’s a shame. But surely the actions of her friends (the hugging/crying/gifts) mean more than some photos?

That’s what I was planning! Of course I’m not going to complain about my daughter not being invited to sleepovers. I want school to be aware this could lead to children feeling left out and they can easily avoid it next year by asking for pictures of school events only