Splitting up friends in different classes

[doosesmarket]

NC - work in a primary school

AIBU to say that if your child has been split from their friend when moving to their new classes that there is probably a reason this has been done?

Class lists went out yesterday morning and by afternoon we already had lots of messages about children being put into different classes to their friends. One of the children’s parents who was the most upset was complaining her child X wouldn’t be with his friend Y. X and Y are lovely children but together think they are a law unto themselves, do not listen, always off doing something they shouldn’t and have encouraged poor choices and behaviour in each other all term.

A and Bs parents are gobsmacked we have split them up. Both parents are best friends and expect A and B to be best friends too. Except A actually displays bullying behaviour to B constantly, does not allow B to make their own choices and bosses B around to do what A wants to do. B desperately needs space to be their own person.

They have playtime and lunch together and can see each other then. The classroom is for learning so being with their friends is neither here nor there.

It is very frustrating that parents think we are being so horrible by splitting up friends when in fact it is done for the children’s benefit so they can concentrate on learning without distraction or to provide them with a different environment that will benefit them!

Parents just demand too much. We have one mum who is distraught her child will have a new teacher next year so she has asked rhe head if her daughter can repeat year 1 so as to have the same teacher . Apparently her daughter doesnt cope with change! The head usually gives in to all this mums ridiculous requests because you cannot win against her but obviously staying back a year is impossible so she has gone to the MP and the papers !! Her child wears a completely different colour gingham dress to everyone else as the mum doesnt like the school colours. !!!

Yep, same. I only has 1 child from my school in my form. My daughters primary (about 50 in her year group) about half will likely go to 1 secondary, the other half probably split between at least 8 different secondaries, so only a few in each.

Even if they do come up with friends, they often have new ones by Christmas - secondary has a bigger pool of people and they often find people they get on with better

That is the most ridiculous thing I think I have heard. If she didn't like the colours and mattered that nuch she should have picked a school with the colours she likes 😂

As a parent whose DC has had to put up with some terrible behaviour from various 'double acts' in the classroom, thank you for splitting them up!

I think you would be shocked by how much is brushed under the carpet and witheld from parents. I can’t imagine any teacher approaching a parent and telling them ‘your child is being bullied’.

Parents look after the needs of 1 and will never see the fault in their child.
Teachers have many reasons, are more balanced and have way more experience.

I would ignore any feedback, kids are more resilient if they are supported and given the opportunity. Helicopter parenting does them no favours in the long run.

I hope that's not the case at every school, but you're probably right, I would likely be shocked (and saddened)! 😭

It doesn’t matter what the reason is. The school decides who goes in what class. I wouldn’t have considered complaining if my children weren’t with friends.

In this case, I’m glad logic and reason is followed in terms of splitting children according to what is best for their learning. The school my dds went to had class splits according to which parents were friends with who. This resulted in one very strong personality class with lots of socialising and camps outside of school because the parents were essentially in their own friend group too The two other classes consisted mainly of the quiet kids whose parents mainly worked and didn’t have time for the school social scene. As a result my daughter was in one of the quiet classes and it really affected her as she was always so outgoing. I was so annoyed because I knew parents had been canvassing the teachers and I naively thought it would be a fair mix. Ultimately she lost her main friend group as a result because I guess I wasn’t chatty enough with other parents and assumed teachers would be transparent and fair. How stupid was I !!!

My DD approached school a while ago and asked if DGD could be moved to the opposite class for next year (away from her best friend ). DD didn't say that it was to get away from a child who had been targeting DGD all year -
stabbed her with pencils, swung her around by her hood/hair/sleeves, cut her hair, bite marks, bruises, body slammed, scratches, punched on the port which delivers antibiotics every three months, hearing aid broken.

She found out yesterday that this child has also been moved to the opposite class.

I’m surprised parents actually call and moan about this ? I just accept what it is 🤷‍♀️ they have playtime

I suppose if I were the parent of X or Y in your example, as a parent I’d expect to have been made aware of the behavioural issues. If I hadn’t been, and then they’d been split up, I’d be a bit annoyed that my child had been misbehaving for ages without anyone telling me.

If you don’t want to tell parents about behavioural issues, then you can’t really be surprised that you get questions about class allocations. Yes maybe they should just accept it, but if they’ve been led to believe that their child’s behaviour is totally fine, and the only thing they’re aware of is a very upset child separated from their friend, asking for the rationale isn’t completely unreasonable. Schools aren’t infallible places where no parent has the right to ask a question.

Just tell the parents if their child is being a little git!

My children have always been asked to name 3 or 4 people they would like to be in a class with and this has always been achieved. It means the more challenging friends can be split.

If "is neither here not there" then why have the children been separated?
There probably are perfectly valid reasons for doing so, but telling a paremt that its "neither here nor there" says otherwise.

My daughter was split from some of her friend group in p5. Especially her ‘best friend’. The mother of that child kicked up a fuss with the HT, who wouldn’t budge. She said that they absolutely cannot change their decisions or it would set a precedent and she was right. I had been silently hoping she wouldn’t change it. My daughter was upset at first but then realised she preferred the teacher she was getting over the other one and said she also hoped the HT would keep it as is! I liked the best friend, but she is a very intense and moody little girl and my daughter would often speak of being the only one who could calm her down and her mother said the same to me. The HT couldn’t tell us the exact reason but she did tell me that some personalities benefit from being given a bit of space from each other. I think she got it spot on. My daughter shouldn’t have had to spend her time in school regulating another child. For what it’s worth, they remained friends because they saw each other at breaks, weekends and after school and are about to go to high school still as friends.
There are obviously lots of factors to consider and I don’t envy the staff.

In my child’s school friendships do not come in to it at all! School would very much push back if it was raised that it is zero to do with friends when placing of classes.

In the school I work in, it’s reading groups and friendships…there were 5 attempts to sort classes in my year group! Trying to balance the friends that need split, the children that require support, the children to keep together AND the reading groups! i know exactly where you’re coming from but I wouldn’t think twice about explaining to parents why ABCD have had to be split!

I think splitting friendship groups would work if certain children in the class are likely to misbehave when they are together or it is apparent one child is being domineering of the other, one child is overly dependent on another for friendship etc and the teachers feel they would be better off in separate classes. It would be more upsetting for children if they were split from friends for no particular reason or likely to be targets for bullying if they were separated from friends. I think that when they are around Year 4 or 5 close friendships are more established which would make separation harder than in Year 1 when they are more likely to change friends and move on more easily from being separated.

YANBU. My kids are coming to the end of y3 and y6. It’s a two form entry school and they mix the classes up every year. Each time there are parents complaining that their little darling isn’t with all of their friends. A friend of mine complains each year. Little does she know her DD actually isn’t very nice so maybe there are some parents who have requested that she isn’t in the same class as their child!

Honestly I think particularly in KS2 it’s good practice to mix them up otherwise it’s more of a shock come secondary school. My ds1 is going into a secondary school with 180 other y7s in september, many other tutor groups, he has 1 other friend in his tutor group but who knows about the subjects. It would be even more of a shock if he wasn’t used to the classes mixing during primary.

When friends choose a different subject (depending on the course choice columns) then of course the parents can't argue about that. I assure you that they do argue about everything else, particularly when - as is the case in most Scottish state schools - the school has a policy of setting rather than streaming.

With setting, the classes are organised on a subject basis, whereas for streaming the supposedly most able students are all in the 'top stream' together. In my experience, streaming is not the norm these days.

With setting, pupil A might find himself in a 'top set' for English but a 'middle set' for maths, for example. Then there's the complication of 'broad banding', which allows for more of an overlap.

In one of the larger schools, it's very possible that core subjects will have more than one top set.

In Scotland it's not that unusual to have mixed ability classes for the first two years before setting for S3 onwards and it's not that unusual for pupils to be in house or guidance groups for 'Social and Health' or the equivalent for all of their time in school.

ETA It's not that unusual for parents to complain when their child is placed in the second set rather than the top set.

Just to add that we once had a situation where pupils received their new timetable and reported for their first period of a Social Subjects class.

Fortunately, it wasn't one of my departments so I didn't have to deal with the fallout.

The PT/HoD had the class and told the other PTs the tale afterwards.

"X looked round the class and said: A'm no staying here - this is the daft class!
Y added: So it is! Y'ere right!"

Apparently, the assembled group all agreed that it was indeed "the daft class" and a delegation left to complain to the headteacher.

My daughter and her best friend were put in different classes. We were sad for them. However, we know that together they are disruptive, talk to much and love and hate each other 20 times a day.