To think my son shouldn't share a room with his cousin?

[Sophiehoney]

My husband's sister has two kids the exact same age as my kids, but opposite genders.
They live about two and a half hours away so we see them regularly but not that often. Usually during the Easter, Summer and Christmas Holidays, so about 3 times a year. They stay in MIL's holiday caravan in a nearby site.
The kids and adults all get on great.
This year, DH suggested to them that the kids have a sleepover at ours while they are here, which would be fun for the kids and would give them a night to go out. This was enthusiastically accepted by kids and adults. He has said they can either sleep indoors, sharing bedrooms with our kids or camp in the garden in tents if it stays nice.
I'm very happy with this accept the thing is, DH thinks it would be fine for the two 13 year olds, of opposite genders, to share a bedroom or tent. I'm really uncomfortable with this and think it's a bad idea. I've suggested that the two younger ones share and the older two sleep apart, maybe one on the sofa or something.
DH thinks I'm being weird and paranoid and that they're cousins so it's fine, and I'd be spoiling their fun, but I just think it's inappropriate.
DH says he doesn't know how he's supposed to suggest this to his sister and BIL.
AIBU?

Your said you have 2 DC each, so there has to be more than 1 girl and 1 boy.
How old and what sex are they all? I'd personally say all girls together. And all boys together. Unless the others are babies/toddlers and likely to wake in the night.

That's how all our family camping trips/sleepovers/holidays have always been arranged.

Girls together and boys together.

First thing I thought of.

I also wouldn’t be comfortable and it’s honestly icky and gross that you have to question whether it’s appropriate but I think it really does protect everyone to just split them up based on gender. Girls tent/boys tent etc

Let me guess - you have the teenaged boy? I’d find it really odd that your husband would suggest his daughter share a room with a boy that age. It’s so naive for him not to have a clue how inappropriate and potentially harmful this is

I wouldn't put them in a room together.

But I would allow all four to share a room.

But that’s both your daughters together sharing with him, isn’t it? Not one teenage daughter sharing with one teenage male cousin.

Those are unforeseen tragedies and I’m so sorry you experienced this. However, this is foreseen and can be managed with boundaries

But not everyone is out to sexually assult others.
Ask the kids.
I think living with that mentality isnt healthy.

My SIL does a cousin sleep over every 6 months (DH one of 6), mainly to give her siblings a break (DN is 17 and pretty independent now but loves a sleepover). DS (2YO) went to his first last month and we stayed nearby, he loved it!
She puts blow up mattresses /camp beds on the floor in the living room and all the cousins sleep downstairs. They watch films and have snacks. I know last time SIL slept downstairs with them so DS could join in, he had a fab time (one of the few times he’s slept through the night - apparently did 8-8 😬). Cousins ranged at the last one from 2-17 but before DS it was 5-17 (there are 7 of them).

This.

I used to sleep in the same room as my cousin as a kid but we were close from babies and saw each other several times a week so it was more like a sibling.

These guys only see each other 3 times a year. I think at 13 that is a not a close enough relationship to share opposite sex bedrooms. They should be separate.

I'd be fine with that.

I would have useful conversation to the two - about where they would each like to have their private space to dress and have private time, given that they are older and more modest.

Therefore allocated space alone and shared space.

Remind your son to be respectful of his cousin having alone time in the bathroom and when she needs to change.... just the same as the respect he welcomes for his own self now that he is older.
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Girls together in one room and boys in the other, regardless of their age. Unless you have a massive gap in ages. I wouldn't ask the 13 year olds what they'd like to do. They may say yes, because they don't want to appear 'mean' towards their cousin, when in reality they'd rather not share.

I think we should all listen to your 12 year old, of course it’s not appropriate for them to share a room. I’m astonished anyone even needs advice on this!

Ask the children. If one of them is uncomfortable split them up.

Mine mostly stopped sharing with opposite sex cousins/friends around that age - but occasionally all four still crash in one room, usually the one with the telly/computer games... (3 girls/1 boy).

Separate them.

It's rare for something sexual to occur between cousins but it happens. In fact there was a thread about this very thing a few weeks ago. The OP's DH slept with his cousin as a teen and they thought at the time they were in love, forbidden love obviously.

I think if you ask them, they’ll say no anyway. There is 0 chance my 13 year old boy would be comfortable in that situation, he would share with a male younger cousin at a push, but he’s going through that hulking silent stage where the thought of spending time in close proximity to another human is a big ask 🥴
Put all 4 in together like a big sleep over, or do same sex sleeping arrangements.

Depends on how well they know each other and their relationship. I had a male cousin similar age and we grew up together. We would share if we stayed at nannas at same time. We used to have a real laugh. Absolutely no issue at all. I had other cousins I wasn’t close to and would not have been comfortable at all sharing a room with them.

Theyre cousins and it’s for one night…

Sounds that you will complicate their friendships because of some artificial fear.

There's no point having a sleepover and then being in separate bedrooms. However I wouldn't have just 2 kids of opposite sex in a room just the two of them over the age of 11. They should be all in one room for the sleepover, with as many inflatable mattresses as needed

Why can’t the same sex cousins share, I don’t get that. So if you have a 13 yo girl and they have a (say) 10 yo girl surely the girls room together. It’s weird to put the 13 yos together just because they’re the same age.

We have similar and we always do the above. But ours have grown up together and are like siblings, and at grandparents house they all sleep together in one big room (age 14-16 now).

Yeah I wouldn't put the female cousin in that position because she may be uncomfortable with it but not feel she can say so.

I don't think it's icky and gross. They're just a bit too old regardless of remote possibilities of bad things happening. They are old enough to have reached puberty and it's the adults' job to protect them and teach them boundaries around privacy even if it doesn't seem strictly necessary yet. Think OP's DH is being a bit clueless tbh.

I would have shared with my cousin at the same age, but we were, and still are, close. Depends on the relationship and how they feel about it.

You haven’t said how old the younger children are - usually a sleepover is more fun if everyone is in together.