To think my son shouldn't share a room with his cousin?

[Sophiehoney]

My husband's sister has two kids the exact same age as my kids, but opposite genders.
They live about two and a half hours away so we see them regularly but not that often. Usually during the Easter, Summer and Christmas Holidays, so about 3 times a year. They stay in MIL's holiday caravan in a nearby site.
The kids and adults all get on great.
This year, DH suggested to them that the kids have a sleepover at ours while they are here, which would be fun for the kids and would give them a night to go out. This was enthusiastically accepted by kids and adults. He has said they can either sleep indoors, sharing bedrooms with our kids or camp in the garden in tents if it stays nice.
I'm very happy with this accept the thing is, DH thinks it would be fine for the two 13 year olds, of opposite genders, to share a bedroom or tent. I'm really uncomfortable with this and think it's a bad idea. I've suggested that the two younger ones share and the older two sleep apart, maybe one on the sofa or something.
DH thinks I'm being weird and paranoid and that they're cousins so it's fine, and I'd be spoiling their fun, but I just think it's inappropriate.
DH says he doesn't know how he's supposed to suggest this to his sister and BIL.
AIBU?

I would have hated sharing with a male cousin at that age. It’s not appropriate.

Can't all 4 kids be together?

I know from my own experience of childhood experimentation that it's a bad idea lol

One boy, one girl, in one room, both 13

This what I'm afraid of.
I'm not worried about the changing together thing. This is normally got around by one person changing in the bathroom when our kids have sleepovers with their friends.
I'm worried about curious teenagers.
I was hoping someone else would say it so I didn't have to.

When we do cousin sleepovers we do same sex in the same room rather than same ages. There’s a 4.5 year age gap for one of the sexes but it works fine.

Curious teenagers, one of them thinking it could be fun to experiment, could potentially be distressing and destructive to their happy relationships. Not worth the risk.

This is the most sensible solution. It seems odd he would want to split them by age when it's the most illogical way out of all the possible options.

I think you're being a bit weird. I shared with my cousin of the opposite sex at that age when we had sleepovers. I think it would have made things unnecessarily awkward if our parents wanted us to sleep separately. There was never any thought of anything inappropriate so I think it would have made things weird if that suggestion was made.

Could you do maybe a big sleepover in the living room instead with all 4 kids? Otherwise I would just put siblings together... so let them stay up late to watch a movie or whatever but at bedtime your kids pile in together and the cousins pile in together?

It's unlikely anything untoward would happen, but I think at 13 it's important to teach kids boundaries.

Why can’t they just share same sex?

Your husband is being ridiculous.

Ut's not appropriate to share with opposite sex at 13 and it's not right to put the onus on the kids to say so.

I was reminded of that too.

I wouldn’t OP. Think of the risk assessment. Yes it’s unlikely that anything goes wrong BUT if it does then it’s catastrophic for tbthe family. It’s not worth the hassle.

I have a nephew who is 14, my daughters are 12 and 8.
his bedroom is huge. He has a sofa bed in there, as well as his own double bed.
sometimes when my children sleep over at my sisters house they will sleep on the sofa bed, sometimes he doesn’t want them in his room and they’ll sleep in the spare room.
my girls would always choose to share his room if they could though.
no changing in front of each other takes place, it wouldn’t regardless of sex.
it has never once crossed my mind to think anything other than it being a cousin sleepover.
we are an incredibly close family, and see each other weekly.

I’d do a movie night with all kids sleeping in the lounge on sofas/air beds

Well, no one ever does until something happens

DH thinks I'm being weird and paranoid and that they're cousins so it's fine, and I'd be spoiling their fun, but I just think it's inappropriate. It may be that sharing would be OK in this specific case if you are absolutely sure that everyone's genuinely comfortable with it, but if there is any doubt then your view is appropriate for a host in this case and his is not. Either way I'd not be at all impressed that he is trying to shut you down without listening to your reasoning. Why is this so important to him?

DH says he doesn't know how he's supposed to suggest this to his sister and BIL. He doesn't have to "suggest" anything; the niece and nephew are staying at YOUR house and will sleep where you tell them they're sleeping. I don't mean this in authoritarian way, just - of course they're going to follow their hosts' directions on where they sleep; it most likely won't even be an issue or question.

We all take risks constantly. I had a friend who died in a car crash when we were teens but I don’t use that as a reason why no teenager should ever go in a car. My uncle drowned when he was 18 but as a child my mum still allowed me to swim in the sea. You can’t let the potential of a tragic outcome rob you of all the good things in life.

Put the boys in one room and the girls in another room.

I was very close to my male cousin who was a year older than me, but nonetheless I think I would have found it a bit difficult to share a room with him at that age. Eg at 13 a girl might be worried about dealing with a period. Ask the girl concerned what she thinks. My feeling is that it would probably be better to put girls in one room and boys in another room , even if that means (for example) putting a 13 year old in the same room as a 5 year old.

DH thinks I'm being weird and paranoid and that they're cousins so it's fine, and I'd be spoiling their fun, but I just think it's inappropriate.

You're right OP. Your husband is not #worldly-wise.....

In my family, cousins fell in love, way back when, it was such a taboo they emigrated to Australia. 1950's. Had 5 kids too there so I heard.

Hard “no” to mixed sex teen sleepovers from me. You put in the protection before the issue not after.

I think they should sleep separately. At 13, opposite-sex cousins are old enough to appreciate having their own privacy, and it's a perfectly normal boundary to have. It doesn't mean anyone is assuming something inappropriate—it just avoids any potential awkwardness and keeps everyone comfortable. The younger two can share a room, and one of the older kids can use the sofa or an air mattress.

I’d put it to dh as we don’t do mixed sex teenaged accomodation. What happens when he wants a friend who’s a girl to stay over ? We say no because she’s a girl. He shouts <cousin> is a girl and that was fine! You just don’t like Sarah! You say: NO, cousin was fine because she’s your cousin, we know you’re not going to get up to any tiny inappropriate. He says OH MY GOD MUM, DAD, We are just friends. Don’t you idiots boys and girls can be just friends? If cousin was fine Sarah is fine!! 😡😡

much better to have very clear non negotiable boundaries. No girl cousin in his bedroom.

Is he happy for the 13f to potentially see the 13m morning tent pitch... imagine the embarrassment, and thats the best outcome