To ask how much help you give your adult kids?

[BennettsHome]

And what type of help? My parents have always helped in any way they can- financially, with errands / care for pets, diy etc. I felt so sad for my friend recently who I discussed this with. Her parents do nothing for her, no support in any way even though they can. Is this normal? She said she wishes they were more helpful in her life but they just never have been. Do people stop helping their kids when they're adults?

We help were we can, we’re retired and son lives in USA so help child mind in summer and Christmas holidays, also help financially with there first house purchase.

In my family it's always been normal for over 100 years, although not expected or asked for.

I think a good way to explain it is, imagine the parent has 10M in bank. Meanwhile the child has nothing, and is in their first job at 30k a year.

It feels weird for the parent to see their child have a vastly different lfestyle to what they have, e.g. parent could go on unlimited holidays a year, the child perhaps goes on no holidays until they improve their position. Parents wants to go on holiday with child, so they pay. Or the child lives in terrible, unsafe housing, while the parent lives in a mini mansion, so again the parent might want to step in.

Equally, there was a point in my 20s when I was significantly better off than my parents, so I would take them on holidays etc. i know lots of kids that buy their parents homes, take them on holiday etc.

It's love, really.

Personally if I saw anyone I love struggle and be in a much better positon than them, whether it is a partner, friend, sibling, parent, I would help them. Or if I had much more time than them and they'd be rushed off their feet, I'd offer to help in some way. For example, one of my friends is having a tough time with childcare, and I have lots of spare time, so I do occassional childcare for them just because. If it was my child instead of my friend, I'd of course do the same

Most of mum's friends help their adult children in some way and take immense pride in it.

I agree- if parents raise their children responsibly - love them, educate them, and raise them to be functioning adults- why should there be an expectation that the task of parenting should continue indefinitely?
My parents supported me to go to university but after I graduated and got a job, I took it for granted that I was now independent of them. They were always there for me to support and advise - but I considered myself to be a fully- functioning adult and would not have expected financial support from them!

My grandson spent 6weeks in GOSH after life saving surgery immediately after his birth. I travelled every day to London to support my daughter. She is now a single parent, I do 3 nursery runs every week, nip to the shop if she needs anything, I have paid off some of her car loan . I'm looking after my grandson this weekend, I help her with any diy.
My parents were lovely, sadly not with us anymore and I want to support my daughter the same as they supported me.

My adult children have never asked me for financial help. They are not the slightest bit entitled but I will be helping them with flat deposits and much more because I love them and it gives me more pleasure to see them use it than spending it myself!

Your Mum sounds lovely

Absolutely no help at all, either practically, emotionally or financially.

Not at all since university as they have well paying jobs and live within their means. On the other hand I am sending £900 a month to my parents to pay for care costs and to help them retain some independence.

DH and I don't get help, we give it. My in-laws do a lot of childcare for bil and sil and don't really have any energy left to help us with our kids ever. My mum isn't really in good enough health to help us with anything. She's waiting for cataract surgery and can't drive at the minute so every week I'm having to drive 90 minutes to her house and pick her up so she can stay with us a couple of days so she's not totally isolated. We provide financial support to his brother and my brother and, occasionally our parents. We pay phone bills, make doctors appointments, pay for all family meals and events etc etc etc.

It's fine, we're capable and in a better position than most. But it would be lovely, just one day, one time, to have someone say "don't worry about it, I'll do it".

We'll absolutely help our kids when they are adults!

Alot of us needing/ wanting help were left to our own devices from a very young age, and lacked direction/ attention/ help in any way, financial or otherwise.

This led us needing more help when a bit older. Hard to understand if you were supported and loved until a responsible age.

I had a lot of help. We were close and if we could help each other we would; whether that was a lift to an appointment, childcare or a weekly food shop. I appreciated them every single day; I nursed my dad in his final days and care for my mum now she needs me. As someone said above, it’s love, it’s family (for some of us).
One of my children is in her 20’s and we’ve helped her a lot financially and emotionally. She doesn’t need the financial support anymore but will help in any which way we can- it’s what we go to work for and live for.

Help flows both ways in our family. My DP helped practically with house moves in my 20s, do some school holiday childcare now, and have put a bit of money to my and DB when they've had extra through inheritances etc.

We earn more than them now and so I try to pay for holidays, meals, etc. when we see them. I'd love if they would accept more. I'm fully prepared to pay towards care costs for them and DFIL if it's needed.

DM got no monetary help from her parents, but her DM did childcare in the holidays. I think she's happy she can do more for us.