AIBU to feel upset about missing my daughter’s last primary day?

[Teaaa]

Please can anyone make me feel better about missing my daughter’s last day of primary school today? I was working so didn’t pick her up. I asked her father to take pictures but he took 3 pictures of her on her own which I could have taken at home myself. I messaged in the group chat if anyone could please take a picture of her with the kids as a group and lots of thumbs up and “yes of course we will!” responses. I even PM’d the mums of her best friends to take pictures. We are moving away soon so this was extra important. Looking at group chat now there are hundreds of pictures of the kids and not one of my child. I feel really upset. Even the mums who I PM’d and they said they will of course take lots didn’t take even one. I don’t think it was a big ask it takes literally a second to snap a picture. The kids were all stood around waiting to be collected by parents already. I hate my DH for not taking pics too and I know he did on purpose. We’ve been fighting about this just now and he told me to get over it and he forgot as he was checking his work emails and when he remembered the kids had all left.

I feel like I failed her. I could have just left work and got someone to cover me - I probably would have got told off by manager but at least I would have pics of my child’s last day. She’s my only child so I can’t have a last day if primary again. In secondary school parents are not allowed in the school to take pics so I feel a big milestone of my child’s life.

Helpful. 🥱

YABU

I have some photos of my children on the last day of primary and haven’t looked at them
again once - once they are at secondary school you don’t really think about primary school anymore! Don’t worry about it

Aww im so sorry to hear this. I only have one as well and I often feel really sad when I have to miss stuff at school, which seems to be particularly intense at the end of term. I work almost full time so miss lots of things. I had to miss her art exhibition today and felt guilty about it.
I fully empathize and would feel disappointed. YANBU. Did you not get a class photo during the year? My daughters school do this, and year group photo usually in June.
You are going to have to let it go sadly. I've heard that secondary school all the parental engagement guilt begins to go away. We can all only do our best. It is difficult when you don't have a flexible workplace. I had to take the whole days leave for an hours sports day and have friends that just was able to nip out and attend. I only have so much leave!

Hi no worries. Nano Banana keeps the best likeness and would probably be the best ai model for this. I have an openart.ai subscription and I could do this for you but I understand I am a complete stranger and that would be ill advised (obvs I am a genuine person, and this is one example of the sort of thing I do everyday in my line of work... and obviously not posting this to gain business or anything like that).

Chatgpt is probably my second choice for this kind of job and if you don't have that you can download it in the app store. You get I think one picture generation per day on the free tier plan.

If you need any further help how to do this yourself, I can help guide you.

You can also make lovely non ai photo collages for free in Canva.

Thank you so much!

im slowly feeling better but the fake mums who made me think they would take loads of pictures is upsetting me now

Stop flapping about the photo . You won’t look at it again on a month or two. Celebrate the event as a family… go get takeaway, or ice cream or something that’s a better memory for you all.

Maybe other parents took a group pic, can you ask around?

I’ve asked on the year chat, class chat plus PM’d all the mums who said they will take one but no one took one. I even asked if anyone has her in the background but no one has

I understand.
I’d be upset too.
but I think in time you’d move past it.
I hope someone has taken some pics and sends them to you.

I just feel if no one had so enthusiastically said “of course we will take pics” I would have got someone to cover me and gone there. School is only 7 minutes walk from my work but they reassured me so much that they will take lots of pictures for our memories. I was stupid to trust them.

Would this stop you from being friends and keeping in touch with these people? I’m really upset with them.

They are still posting pics of all the girls with their arms around each other, smiling. It would have taken nothing for them to include my daughter

What a massive over reaction.

If it means this much to you, you should have made sure you were there in person to experience it and take any photos you wanted. Your presence is the most important thing to your daughter so you can share this milestone together and your annoyance at your DH and others is misplaced - you are cross at yourself.

You haven’t failed your daughter. My parents took one picture of me on my last day of junior school, and they both had to go to work that day. I can confirm that I do not feel that they failed me in any way.

Perhaps I’m overly cautious, but I wouldn’t be uploading pictures of my child to an AI app. I’d also be furious if I ever found out that another parent uploaded my child’s photo to an AI app.

Ours used to walk home we never picked them up on the last day
I’m sorry but team Dh here

Gently, OP, you're overthinking this one. I don't have pictures of my last day of primary, none of my nieces or nephews have pictures of their last day of primary. I had never even thought of this until seeing this post.

I have only one photo so you’re doing better than me already. It’s a pity that more photos weren’t taking but there is going to be many occasions when you can get extra.

OP your reaction is completely over the top. I wouldn’t say you saying you failed her by not having a pic of her last day of primary is normal.

You hate your OH for not taking a pic? That is a very strong emotion for such an innocuous thing.

You are either being very hyperbolic or you really need to take a step back and understand what is really important - her being happy, her completing primary, having a healthy happy child etc etc etc.

Honestly I think you need some perspective with this.

I don’t think taking a picture on the last day of primary school is a thing.

It becomes a thing on the last day of secondary school where kids all sign each other’s school shirts.

You’re stressing yourself for nothing.

You think your DH didn't take any on purpose even though you asked him? And you hate him.

I think you have bigger problem between you than not having a group photo of your child with classmates. Fighting over this isn't going to help.

However if it's any consolation, photos were also an important thing for me. I wanted my children to have them for memories too. But they have a zero interest in them and I had a quick glance and not looked at them again either.

What seems like something very important now probably won't in the near future.

It feels big now but honestly there will be lots more special moments to be there for.

Yeah, things were so much better back then. My mum didn’t even bother to take time off to take me to the first day of a new school, in the middle of a term when I basically just had to line up with the kids and walk in to the class, not knowing what to do and where to go, when I was 8 years old. At 53, I can still remember being in the corner, pretending to tie up my laces for ever until someone noticed me and found me a seat. It was excruciating. Ahh the good old days.

The kids all did this on the last day of Primary School at my daughter’s school. She still has the shirt. It is a thing for many people.

Thank you to those who understand why I’m upset. I always put my daughter first as my mum and dad never did for me. My DH reminds me of my mum in many ways. Therapist once told me (plus lots of self help book) that we chase the dysfunction we had as children as it feels normal to us so me having a partner who doesn’t care about our child or my feelings feels really normal to me apparently that’s why I chose him. It seriously would have taken 10 seconds and I pleaded with him in the morning that it’s important me but he didn’t care to me that’s the hurtful thing, he could have quickly taken a picture then carried on being on his phone.

He relies on me for many things and he knows when I say I will do something I do it. I just feel like giving him the sane energy back. He’s expecting me to pick up his dry cleaning tomorrow after work like I always do every other Thursday but I’m going to rebel and not do. Small changes I think I need to start making for my own mental health