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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Smellly Lodger.

52 replies

IthinkAIBUalot · Today 15:41

Two months ago, I got a lodger. The room was freshly decorated a few days before he moved in. It had furniture for him to use, but no mattress—since I’d just finished decorating, he said he'd buy one he liked, which was great.
He's out most of the time; he spends from dawn to dusk in the pub he works in, and even when he isn't working, he’s drinking there. He comes home at about 1 a.m. and always buys a takeaway. He hasn't cooked a single thing since he moved in (he has never bought any food, apart from a single Pot Noodle). Fine, I'm not bothered by this—he can do what he wants. He's always quiet, so no problems there. The rest of the time he's in his room, quietly on his computer, which is great for me.

However, to me, there is a MAJOR issue.

The first few nights, he slept on the sofa in the living room until he bought his mattress. It stank to high heaven after each night, so I had to wash the cover and pillows both times. I let it slide.

Fast forward three weeks, and his room is stinking so much that I have to keep all the windows in the house open to get rid of the stench seeping into the whole house—even though he keeps his door closed 24/7. I told him to fix the stench, so all he did was keep his window open 24/7. That day, he did laundry for the first time (a single drum load) and used half a bottle of detergent on it. Afterwards, while drying, it stank to high heaven; even outside, the smell was vomit-inducing. It was a mix of sweat, bacteria, and tons of cologne he uses to cover his stink.

Since the day he moved in, he's had a shower about once every five or six days. His stench of stale sweat was so bad one night after he rolled in from the pub that I told him he stank. He went and showered, then laughed it off by saying, "I know I'm a smelly boy, please tell me things like this." I'm not his damn parent—he's 35, for God's sake. Why should I take responsibility for him keeping himself, his clothes, and his room fresh? He knows he stinks.

Fast forward to this week, two months in: his room still stinks to high heaven. He's done one more single load of washing, which again stank to high heaven while drying (I could see the neighbours wincing at the smell wafting into their house). I felt so embarrassed.

A few times I've had to hold my nose to go into the absolute pigsty his room now is to close the window when I'm going out and he hasn't closed it. Dirty and washed clothes; all stink as bad as each other. Even when he leaves a location, his stench remains.

So what should I do?

  1. Set ground rules: Tell him to wash his clothes, bedding, and towels at least once a week (separately) and get rid of the bacteria/mould with white vinegar and bicarb.
  2. Tell him to get the hell out of my house with zero notice: His stench is just too much.
  3. Give him notice: In the agreement I drew up, I laid out two weeks' notice unless he breaks the terms of the agreement (which he has, by stinking up my entire house).
OP posts:
Monty36 · Today 16:25

Why would washing smell after it has been washed and is drying ? And be so pungent that the neighbours can smell it too. And how can you see the neighbours wincing as the smell wafted into their house ?

wishingonastar101 · Today 16:37

"Clive, you need to sort the smell out as it's impacting the rest of the house. You have three months or your out."

gotmyselfintoapickle · Today 16:40

PrizedPickledPopcorn · Today 16:03

I’m impressed how direct you’ve been with him already.
I’d book a conversation with him, rather than trying to catch him both sober and present.
Ask him whether he is prepared to change his personal hygiene habits.
Ask whether he is aware of the usual systems and routines for keeping your environment, bed, clothes and body smelling fresh.
If he is willing to change, but would appreciate being told what the ‘system’ is, great. It’s worth a try.

There are a lot of reasons he is like this. Change is possible. But only if he wants to. At least he hasn’t ruined your mattress.

I’m impressed how direct you’ve been with him already.

Me too! I feel awkward just thinking about it 😅

TungTungTungSahor · Today 16:41

Get him out! No way I’d let some man take over my whole house with his stench. Like a dog marking its territory. Sounds completely disgusting. Eventually you will start to smell of it too.

gotmyselfintoapickle · Today 16:44

Monty36 · Today 16:25

Why would washing smell after it has been washed and is drying ? And be so pungent that the neighbours can smell it too. And how can you see the neighbours wincing as the smell wafted into their house ?

A standard wash won't shift the bacteria if it's had time to fester in my experience. Sometimes I find that gym kit doesn't smell super fresh after a wash, maybe because it doesn't get washed straight away if I go to the gym in the morning and then go straight to work.

I find that a soak in bio powder that's hotter than a normal wash, usually shifts it.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · Today 16:46

Monty36 · Today 16:25

Why would washing smell after it has been washed and is drying ? And be so pungent that the neighbours can smell it too. And how can you see the neighbours wincing as the smell wafted into their house ?

I’ve seen this with a friend once, it’s like the item(s) are so ingrained with…..whatever (OP says body oils) that the wash is just a pre pre wash. It just warms up the smell and dampens it. Multiple washes were needed, some of the stuff eventually went in a boil wash as nothing else worked. Some things survived a boil wash and some didn’t. But those that did were smell free, although some stains didn’t come out.

LlynTegid · Today 16:48

Give notice. No sympathy if someone who has access to hot water does not wash often enough.

BillieWiper · Today 16:49

Yeah he's not going to stop being dirty. He doesn't even know how to wash his clothes properly?! There's no hope.
Tell him it's not working out and then he's leaving.

It's good in some ways that he's barely there and doesn't cook, so if it was just a bit of food smells in the room and occasionally whiff after a long shift. But this is not right. It could mean you need new carpets etc. It's way too much.

Chucklebunnie · Today 16:50

4 Kick him out. Now

MsGreying · Today 16:56

IthinkAIBUalot · Today 16:09

I don't think change is possible in the long term, he started washing more after 'you stink' conversation but over two weeks slid right back into stench mode again.

Give notice.

cheezncrackers · Today 17:00

If he doesn't have a formal contract with you then I'd just tell him to get out. I couldn't live with someone who stinks.

If you do have a formal contract with him then give him his two weeks notice starting today.

whippersnapper55 · Today 17:09

Give him notice and be prepared to have the room fumigated once he's gone!

whippersnapper55 · Today 17:10

wishingonastar101 · Today 16:37

"Clive, you need to sort the smell out as it's impacting the rest of the house. You have three months or your out."

Three months?! No way - he's had his chance, OP has already spoken to him about the smell. He needs to go!

lmnabc · Today 20:33

Give notice

Slightyamusedandsilly · Today 20:37

Give him notice. And tell him it's the smell. It's horrible having to be so blunt with someone but it's the only way he's ever going to understand that it's unacceptable.

TowerRavenSeven · Today 20:40

Notice…he’ll never change.

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · Today 20:45

wishingonastar101 · Today 16:37

"Clive, you need to sort the smell out as it's impacting the rest of the house. You have three months or your out."

Three months?? Are you quite alright?? Why the fuck would she put up with Stinky McStinkBollocks for 3 more months…and at the height of the hottest summer on record??

Fuck no! 😖 Get rid of him now!!

beadystar · Today 20:51

Give him notice. He’ll have to take his stinky mattress too. You could just about forgive an 18 year old living out for the first time, but 35?! He won’t change.

comoatoupeira · Today 21:11

So tired of these posts written with AI

nomas · Today 21:24

As they say on Facebook Marketplace - it he needs gone.

RoseField1 · Today 21:27

Give him notice, obviously. It's not even a question.

SqueakyFromme · Today 21:28

Not read the full thread but my immediate thought is get a female lodger

SqueakyFromme · Today 21:29

LlynTegid · Today 16:48

Give notice. No sympathy if someone who has access to hot water does not wash often enough.

And works in hospitality 🤢

Strangerthanfictions · Today 21:36

IthinkAIBUalot · Today 15:41

Two months ago, I got a lodger. The room was freshly decorated a few days before he moved in. It had furniture for him to use, but no mattress—since I’d just finished decorating, he said he'd buy one he liked, which was great.
He's out most of the time; he spends from dawn to dusk in the pub he works in, and even when he isn't working, he’s drinking there. He comes home at about 1 a.m. and always buys a takeaway. He hasn't cooked a single thing since he moved in (he has never bought any food, apart from a single Pot Noodle). Fine, I'm not bothered by this—he can do what he wants. He's always quiet, so no problems there. The rest of the time he's in his room, quietly on his computer, which is great for me.

However, to me, there is a MAJOR issue.

The first few nights, he slept on the sofa in the living room until he bought his mattress. It stank to high heaven after each night, so I had to wash the cover and pillows both times. I let it slide.

Fast forward three weeks, and his room is stinking so much that I have to keep all the windows in the house open to get rid of the stench seeping into the whole house—even though he keeps his door closed 24/7. I told him to fix the stench, so all he did was keep his window open 24/7. That day, he did laundry for the first time (a single drum load) and used half a bottle of detergent on it. Afterwards, while drying, it stank to high heaven; even outside, the smell was vomit-inducing. It was a mix of sweat, bacteria, and tons of cologne he uses to cover his stink.

Since the day he moved in, he's had a shower about once every five or six days. His stench of stale sweat was so bad one night after he rolled in from the pub that I told him he stank. He went and showered, then laughed it off by saying, "I know I'm a smelly boy, please tell me things like this." I'm not his damn parent—he's 35, for God's sake. Why should I take responsibility for him keeping himself, his clothes, and his room fresh? He knows he stinks.

Fast forward to this week, two months in: his room still stinks to high heaven. He's done one more single load of washing, which again stank to high heaven while drying (I could see the neighbours wincing at the smell wafting into their house). I felt so embarrassed.

A few times I've had to hold my nose to go into the absolute pigsty his room now is to close the window when I'm going out and he hasn't closed it. Dirty and washed clothes; all stink as bad as each other. Even when he leaves a location, his stench remains.

So what should I do?

  1. Set ground rules: Tell him to wash his clothes, bedding, and towels at least once a week (separately) and get rid of the bacteria/mould with white vinegar and bicarb.
  2. Tell him to get the hell out of my house with zero notice: His stench is just too much.
  3. Give him notice: In the agreement I drew up, I laid out two weeks' notice unless he breaks the terms of the agreement (which he has, by stinking up my entire house).

I couldn't live with that and I'd worry that the smell would start to engrain and if have to refurnish and redecorate. The smell is probably more present on you and in your wider home than you realise. He may have issues, medical, self worth, mental health, neurodivergence but you are not a close friend or relative so it's not your job to support him with that nor to enable or normalise his poor hygiene as if it's acceptable, it will be causing him issues in other areas of his life and he needs to address it

OnTheBoardwalk · Today 21:44

SqueakyFromme · Today 21:29

And works in hospitality 🤢

Yeah that’s what gets me. Surely someone at work should have a word

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