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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Smellly Lodger.

52 replies

IthinkAIBUalot · Yesterday 15:41

Two months ago, I got a lodger. The room was freshly decorated a few days before he moved in. It had furniture for him to use, but no mattress—since I’d just finished decorating, he said he'd buy one he liked, which was great.
He's out most of the time; he spends from dawn to dusk in the pub he works in, and even when he isn't working, he’s drinking there. He comes home at about 1 a.m. and always buys a takeaway. He hasn't cooked a single thing since he moved in (he has never bought any food, apart from a single Pot Noodle). Fine, I'm not bothered by this—he can do what he wants. He's always quiet, so no problems there. The rest of the time he's in his room, quietly on his computer, which is great for me.

However, to me, there is a MAJOR issue.

The first few nights, he slept on the sofa in the living room until he bought his mattress. It stank to high heaven after each night, so I had to wash the cover and pillows both times. I let it slide.

Fast forward three weeks, and his room is stinking so much that I have to keep all the windows in the house open to get rid of the stench seeping into the whole house—even though he keeps his door closed 24/7. I told him to fix the stench, so all he did was keep his window open 24/7. That day, he did laundry for the first time (a single drum load) and used half a bottle of detergent on it. Afterwards, while drying, it stank to high heaven; even outside, the smell was vomit-inducing. It was a mix of sweat, bacteria, and tons of cologne he uses to cover his stink.

Since the day he moved in, he's had a shower about once every five or six days. His stench of stale sweat was so bad one night after he rolled in from the pub that I told him he stank. He went and showered, then laughed it off by saying, "I know I'm a smelly boy, please tell me things like this." I'm not his damn parent—he's 35, for God's sake. Why should I take responsibility for him keeping himself, his clothes, and his room fresh? He knows he stinks.

Fast forward to this week, two months in: his room still stinks to high heaven. He's done one more single load of washing, which again stank to high heaven while drying (I could see the neighbours wincing at the smell wafting into their house). I felt so embarrassed.

A few times I've had to hold my nose to go into the absolute pigsty his room now is to close the window when I'm going out and he hasn't closed it. Dirty and washed clothes; all stink as bad as each other. Even when he leaves a location, his stench remains.

So what should I do?

  1. Set ground rules: Tell him to wash his clothes, bedding, and towels at least once a week (separately) and get rid of the bacteria/mould with white vinegar and bicarb.
  2. Tell him to get the hell out of my house with zero notice: His stench is just too much.
  3. Give him notice: In the agreement I drew up, I laid out two weeks' notice unless he breaks the terms of the agreement (which he has, by stinking up my entire house).
OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · Yesterday 15:43

Give notice

hopefully he will take it seriously for the next home he finds

NoCommentingFromNowOn · Yesterday 15:44

He knows he smells. He doesn’t care enough to do anything about it. Give notice.

Ponderingwindow · Yesterday 15:45

How did this problem not appear at the interview stage?

Excited101 · Yesterday 15:53

Give him notice. Don’t live like that- it’s revolting and hugely disrespectful that he’s not even trying to do better. I’d be expecting much more from an 18 year old, let alone 35!

if you were feeling very charitable, you could try the ‘you commented about being smelly, it’s become a big issue in the house, I can help support you if you want to change that, but you’ll need to fully work with me on it’ approach… or you can see it as not your problem and send him on his way. Totally your call.

parachutegirl · Yesterday 15:54

I would set some ground rules starting today, and if he doesn’t stick to them he leaves in a week.
All his clothes need to go through the wash using dettol anti bacterial added to the wash (as hot a temp as they can be washed on). He has to shower daily and wash his clothes regularly, bedding once a week. No exceptions.

Pinkflamingo10 · Yesterday 15:55

🤮 serve notice immediately

OwnHappiness · Yesterday 15:57

Notice. It’s not yoir job to support him to be fresher answer ground rules for washing

thisandthats · Yesterday 15:57

Why after washing was his stuff still smelly? Did he not wash it hot enough?

Sorry this is absolutely not the key point I'm aware but honestly I've never met anyone THAT gross!

Give notice.

susiedaisy1912 · Yesterday 16:00

get rid of him op, he’s not gonna change and it’s not your job to try to train him into better hygiene habits

PrizedPickledPopcorn · Yesterday 16:03

I’m impressed how direct you’ve been with him already.
I’d book a conversation with him, rather than trying to catch him both sober and present.
Ask him whether he is prepared to change his personal hygiene habits.
Ask whether he is aware of the usual systems and routines for keeping your environment, bed, clothes and body smelling fresh.
If he is willing to change, but would appreciate being told what the ‘system’ is, great. It’s worth a try.

There are a lot of reasons he is like this. Change is possible. But only if he wants to. At least he hasn’t ruined your mattress.

IthinkAIBUalot · Yesterday 16:03

thisandthats · Yesterday 15:57

Why after washing was his stuff still smelly? Did he not wash it hot enough?

Sorry this is absolutely not the key point I'm aware but honestly I've never met anyone THAT gross!

Give notice.

Because when you leave clothes unwahed for that long the sweat turns into oils which actually repel washing powder/liquid. The stench is caused by bacteria and excess waashing suff. The smell has literally seeped into all the fibres, I'm not ever sure white vinegar would fix it. They may just need to be binned (same thing as cat wee, once it's in, it's in for good).

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · Yesterday 16:06

Give notice. You don't want to be managing a grown adult's washing habits.

He's disgusting!

IthinkAIBUalot · Yesterday 16:07

Ponderingwindow · Yesterday 15:45

How did this problem not appear at the interview stage?

Knew him from my local pub, alway smelt of heavy colone, didn't know why till he moved in. Genuinely nice guy (but always full of bull), you know My Cat's Blacker than yours type on everything).

OP posts:
Legomania · Yesterday 16:08

How is this even a question? Get rid (while staying within the law)

IthinkAIBUalot · Yesterday 16:09

PrizedPickledPopcorn · Yesterday 16:03

I’m impressed how direct you’ve been with him already.
I’d book a conversation with him, rather than trying to catch him both sober and present.
Ask him whether he is prepared to change his personal hygiene habits.
Ask whether he is aware of the usual systems and routines for keeping your environment, bed, clothes and body smelling fresh.
If he is willing to change, but would appreciate being told what the ‘system’ is, great. It’s worth a try.

There are a lot of reasons he is like this. Change is possible. But only if he wants to. At least he hasn’t ruined your mattress.

I don't think change is possible in the long term, he started washing more after 'you stink' conversation but over two weeks slid right back into stench mode again.

OP posts:
SonicBoomInTheRoom · Yesterday 16:10

I'm in the give notice camp. I don't have to remind my own children to wash and one is a 14 year old boy! Dee-scus-tang!!!

KayFabe · Yesterday 16:12

It sounds awful Op, I doubt I could think straight with someone stinking up my home.
Just give him his notice, it's not your responsibility to tell him how to wash. He might even be getting a weird kick out of the situation.

StormGazing · Yesterday 16:12

OMG he sounds like a terrible lodger, sorry but he’d have to go if he can’t keep himself even remotely clean

anotherdaytosmile · Yesterday 16:12

Get rid. You’re not his mother

ChaToilLeam · Yesterday 16:13

He's a grown man and you're not his mummy. He doesn't care. Give him notice. Yuck!

krustykittens · Yesterday 16:15

Just give him notice, OP, he's disgusting and he's not going to change. He actually seems to think its cute you need to tell him he stinks! He's not a child and you are not his mum, tell him to leave.

ThursdayNext1 · Yesterday 16:16

Give notice. It’s not going to get any better

Loveacadburyscreamegg · Yesterday 16:17

Serve notice and in the meantime buy him some Dylon sports wash, it’s great at getting out sweat smells as it kills the bacteria

Ihateknowingthis · Yesterday 16:19

This is the same for me but with an elderly relative that just won't wash, at all, anything.
A little dmemtia in the mix.
Any ideas??

WhereYouLeftIt · Yesterday 16:22

Give notice.