AIBU to enforce the under-16 social media ban despite child missing out.

[Spottyblobby]

Can I ask those with teens how you are approaching the social media ban for under 16s?
Since the announcement was made I took the approach to implement it immediately, my thought process being that the government have confirmed it’s harmful to young people, to continue to allow my 15 year old on social media would be the equivalent of buying him cigarettes or alcohol.
He doesn’t see it like this, to him I am the most unreasonable person in the world, he didn’t go to an after party after his prom, when I asked why he said that it was all organised on Snapchat, he hasn’t been out much this summer, when I asked why he said it all gets organised on Snapchat. He doesn’t have numbers for a lot of his “friends” which is on him because when the ban was being voted on I warned him that he may need to get contact numbers off of people but clearly he didn’t do it.
Am I dealing with this the right way, it’s harmful, have it back when you are 16 & can make that decision, OR I’m wrong, it’s only 7ish weeks until his birthday, he’s missing out on what should be a brilliant summer, let him have the apps back? Curious to hear what other parents are doing.

7 weeks off being 16 and you've banned Snapchat. Poor lad.

Jeezo. The ban's not even in place yet, you should have just left your 15 year old to it, poor lad.

Wow so unreasonable, poor lad.
I might be able to understand if he were twelve. But you are damaging your relationship big time by taking this stance.
give the phone back to him and treat him in the mature way you would want him to behave

There's no ban until 2027 lmao.

If he was a year or so younger then yeah banning him now makes sense, but 7 weeks away from 16 when the ban isn't even in place? Bit weird.

You are being ridiculous-- he is very nearly 16 and the ban hasn't even come in yet.

So many words come to mind reading this, stupid, ridiculous, harmful. You pick

Firstly the ban is not yet law

secondly a lot of the harmful effects are around general social pressure via TikTok and YouTube. Yes there are issues with cyber bullying via messaging apps but the messaging apps are definitely the less harmful end

thirdly yes he will be missing out on parties and meet ups without a messaging app.

my dc who is older did a digital detox and had a brick phone for some time but he has found it necessary to upgrade and get what’s app because he was just missing out on so many social things.

I’m very supportive of the ban and believe these things are harmful. But even I think you’ve applied this too bluntly when he’s almost 16. I think you just have to accept it now, and with any younger children if you have them, don’t get them smartphones in the first place. If he’s been doing this for years just stopping him for a few months when he’ll go straight back on it all, won’t make much difference.

I agree that if he were younger I’d have enforced it, but for the sake of seven weeks I think it’s more trouble than it’s worth.

So you've explained the negatives. Have any positives come out from your ban? If not then you have your answer. My youngest is almost 16 and as social media is used responsibly and the ban wouldn't come in until after her birthday we haven't changed anything.

Meet him in the middle. Put some restrictions around his use, apps he can download etc, if you are worried. But it’s harder to manage with the young people who are already using the apps - in comparison with the next generation coming up.

Use it as an opportunity to have a conversation and encourage him to take some personal responsibility around his use.

Ofcourse you’re being unreasonable. He’s been using it this long another 7 weeks isn’t really going to matter. Give your head a wobble!

I wouldn’t dream of removing it from my 15 yo DD, it’s how she communicates with her friends.

If she was 12 or 13 absolutely, 14 possibly, 15 no way, unless I had reason to be concerned for her safety.

The aim of the ban is to eventually have no one under the age of 16 starting to use it, that will take time to achieve.

Why did you decide to take action... just because the government told you to? That is so strange to me!

He has a phone, it’s just the social media that’s been removed, he can text people. We also had a whole conversation when this was being debated about how if the ban comes in he won’t have it so it may be worth exchanging numbers with people just in case. He’s just opted not to do it.

I agree with the ban but I disagree with what you’ve done and why.

You clearly had no issue with social media before it was voted in parliament and it’s not in place anyway so why be so rigid with it?

easy for me as my children don’t have SM but their friends who do (and are 11 & 13) are still on it, happily wasting their lives scrolling TikTok before breakfast.

I’d give him it back as it’s the holidays and he’s going to miss out on a lot. The best you can hope for imho is for him to make good decisions about how he uses SM.

The kids who will benefit from the ban are still in primary. To apply it to today’s younger teens is probably a lost cause for many of them.

16 isn’t a magic age when suddenly all harm vanishes. It’s an arbitrary age picked by the government. You are damaging the relationship with your DS for what? You let him have it before, did you not do any research into it?

I’m in Australia and the law has been an abject failure. Impossible to police and loads of u/16s are still on it. It’s just created a divide between the kids who have it and those who don’t. And encouraged teenagers to hide their social media usage from their parents. Thankfully mine were over 16 when it came in.

Oh my god. What have you done?! He’s 15 Snapchat is how they communicate with their friends. The ban is so younger kids never get on it so there is a societal shift.

You’re currently ruining his social life. If you wanted him to get away from a bad crowd he hangs with, it may be understandable but if this isn’t the reason then your behaviour is unacceptable. You’re currently enforcing a ban that isn’t even law yet.

I think it’s just the messaging behind it, the government have said it’s not ok for young people. So why would I let him keep on it even though the legislation isn’t official yet. There are lots of things that aren’t law but we follow the guidelines on them because it keeps us safe. Helmets on pushbikes aren’t legislated but they prevent a lot of deaths every year.

If this is true and he's only a few weeks off his birthday I think YABVVU indeed.

Then again, needing the government to tell you how to parent is also very odd.

You clearly had no issue with social media before it was voted in parliament and it’s not in place anyway so why be so rigid with it?

This is what is so frightening. Why do people only do what the government says to do when the government says? Why do they allow the government to be the guide of morals and ethics, for their own family, children and selves, when the government is neither of those things? It is a faceless institution! It is so alarming that people can't guide their children without government advice/guidance/laws etc. It's like North Korea is on the horizon and people are okay with it because it means they don't need to do anything but be told what to do, how to do it and when! Scary times!

Oh stop it and give him back his phone! You’re being controlling not a good parent. The risks were always there - and publicly known - why did you need to wait for the government to tell you about them?

Oh my, the poor lad, way to ruin any chance of normal communication and friendshio

Make your own parenting decisions, you don't need to do what the government may oray not do in the future

Is there any teen that actually send texts?

OP, you clearly have no idea how young people communicate and you’ve effectively cut him off from his friends. How utterly awful for him and how short sighted from you.