AIBU to enforce the under-16 social media ban despite child missing out.

[Spottyblobby]

Can I ask those with teens how you are approaching the social media ban for under 16s?
Since the announcement was made I took the approach to implement it immediately, my thought process being that the government have confirmed it’s harmful to young people, to continue to allow my 15 year old on social media would be the equivalent of buying him cigarettes or alcohol.
He doesn’t see it like this, to him I am the most unreasonable person in the world, he didn’t go to an after party after his prom, when I asked why he said that it was all organised on Snapchat, he hasn’t been out much this summer, when I asked why he said it all gets organised on Snapchat. He doesn’t have numbers for a lot of his “friends” which is on him because when the ban was being voted on I warned him that he may need to get contact numbers off of people but clearly he didn’t do it.
Am I dealing with this the right way, it’s harmful, have it back when you are 16 & can make that decision, OR I’m wrong, it’s only 7ish weeks until his birthday, he’s missing out on what should be a brilliant summer, let him have the apps back? Curious to hear what other parents are doing.

No concerns over friends, no red flags I’m aware of, they were all top sets in school together, good attendance etc & seemed lovely whenever I’ve done lifts etc in the past, always please & thank you, I was quite surprised they hadn’t made more of an effort to keep in touch to be honest.

I think given he's only 7 weeks off being 16 yabu, he's had it all this time, 7 weeks off it isn't going to make a difference and ban isn't even in place until next year anyway. If he was younger and he was only just starting to get into social media then I'd get you enforcing it early but you are doing it when he's less than 2 months off being of age for something that isn't even going to be banned for a while.

Thank you all, I think I got caught up in the “banning social media for young people is a brilliant thing” rhetoric on here, on the news, among friends etc & implemented it incorrectly. I think he will be getting Snapchat, WhatsApp & his discords back so he can communicate with his pals a bit easier but we got rid of TikTok & YouTube at the start of yr 10 to “lock in” on GCSEs so I think that can stay because his room’s never been so tidy!

He was making an effort to stay in touch. Until you removed the way he communicates with his friends.

You've been incredibly heavy handed, and it's ridiculous that you've made this decision, all for the sake of a couple of months. If you're so rigid in following the government, surely you'll be allowing it again when he turns he's 16 in a few weeks time?

I wouldn’t so close to 16, any harm has been done and all it serves is to hinder him.

Anyway WhatsApp wasn’t on the list as it’s just texting really

I don't think him not having it for 7 weeks is going to undo the damage you are worried about.

It’s not the equivalent to buying him cigarettes and alcohol though, is it? The legal age for those is 18 and he’s years off of that. He’s weeks off of turning 16 and the ban isn’t even yet in place. Equally if someone who’s kid was turning 18 next month was on here ranting about wanting to stop them going out because they’d found out they’d had a drink at a party I’d do an eye roll at that too, pick your battles.

I think you've been quite cruel really. I really feel for him, missing out on the prom after-party, events like that are a big thing to teens.

The impact of those 7 weeks of sm access should have been weighed up against the impact on him of being socially isolated.

You’ve banned him with seven weeks to go and he’s missed out on fun social occasions key to his age group.
yabvvvvu. Goodness me. He’s clearly the youngest in his yay group and now the most isolated.

How are they supposed to keep in touch? You have removed their mode of communication.

Agreed.

It's been less than an hour since the OP started this post, and now they've suddenly decided to allow them again. But that doesn't change the fact the poor young man has missed out on events like the prom after party and other social meet ups.

Absolutely ridiculous

I am glad you have seen sense and are going to allow him to have them back. I hope he can live down the embarrassment of the position you have put him in ....

Out of interest, would you always do whatever the government recommended you to do, regardless of your own views and values? That's a terrifying level of compliance, and what allows governments to get away, literally, with murder in some cases. Wouldn't you rather think for yourself?

Absolutely unreasonable! You’re closing the stable door after the horse has bolted, he’s done his GCSEs so he has to be 16 in the next 8 weeks and you’re ruining his social life. The ban doesn’t even come in to effect until next April.

What’s going to happen in the next 7 weeks to make him capable, in your eyes, of making the decision for himself? It does seem a bit bonkers to implement it for an almost 16yo when the details of what it will look like when it is enacted aren’t yet available…

I think it’s bizarre to go back on something you’ve already allowed, it’s been known how harmful social media is you shouldn’t have needed the announcement to empower your decision. I’ve never allowed it (well most of it, they have YouTube as a viewer and WhatsApp) the announcement has validated my stance, I’m not going back on YouTube because that’s included, I’m aware of the issues and have tried to mitigate that how I can.

I think everything I read about the ban & everyone I spoke to about it was really positive so it just seemed absolutely wild that I wouldn’t implement it. Like I was a terrible parent for even considering not implementing it how could I possibly allow my child to have something so harmful.
I think the ban being put in just gave me the confidence to say to him “hey, look how bad these things are that the actual government have taken time out of trying to fix the country to actually ban them. I don’t think you should have this anymore”.

YouTube is a great resource for educational tutorials, it was a great help for my son revising for his GCSEs last year and my daughter y10 currently watches Chemistry lessons.

Not all social media is bad, it just needs to be used correctly.

You sound very literal op with no nuance or critical thinking skills
whatsoever. I think people like this are fine parenting younger children when it can be quite black and white and you have absolute power but struggle with parenting teens which is much harder.

I see you’ve already come round to the right thing to do. Honestly the ship has sailed for current teens - this is more about the current batch of primary aged kids. My daughter is 13 and 0% interested in social media but her friends have had Snapchat etc for years now and they aren’t going to get off of it overnight.

I agree about the lack of critical thinking.

Hate the comparison between SM and smoking, it’s utterly ludicrous. SM doesn’t kill millions of people annually and it doesn’t damage the organs irreversibly. Nowhere near the same thing. SM is responsible for a small amount of sad cases of suicide due to bullying or idiotic TikTok trends but nowhere near the amount of damage caused by smoking or drinking even…

I don’t agree with the ban and my 14 and 15 year olds will still be using it.

Whatsapp is not even being banned!
My daughter is 15 and a half and we have not dreamed of taking away her means of social communication.

You’ve no backbone. Everyone has known for years that social media is dreadful for young people and these apps are utter brain rot. You couldn’t take it away when it truly mattered in his formative years, but now weeks away from him turning 16 the government, late to the game, have decided to implement a ban next year and you’re letting them make the decision for you.

Smacks of the laziest parenting to me. Instead of letting the government tell you what to do, why don’t you think about the fact that you raised him with this tech in his life such that he knows no different, and parent according to the situation you’ve already created. Literally, what benefit is there to him of a few weeks ban right in the middle of the high point of his social life? He’ll just make his own accounts in a few weeks. Utterly pointless.

How is a messaging app "utter brain rot". Whatsapp is just another platform for communication lilke text, or phoning, or email.

Agree with lack of critical thinking - lumping Whatsapp into the same bucket at TikTok, Insta or the rest of social media.