AIBU to be annoyed my boss keeps calling my parents?

[Moaningagainn]

So since my divorce I have obviously changed my emergency contact at work. However If my boss cannot get hold of me for whatever reason (to ask if I can do a different shift) she calls my parents and I am finding it really annoying.

In my place it’s held by the line manager. I can also access that information for staff in my command. We are a huge organisation, and managers need access incase of employees not showing up / not responding. I guess it’s fairly normal to have that info, but it is a data breach to abuse that info, which has been done here.

@Zanatdy but the OPs situation wasn't that she hadn't turned up to work.
She was being called on her day off to ask if she'd change her shift.
That's not an emergency.

Yes I know that, and have made that clear in my responses. I am responding to multiple posters saying the emergency contact number isn’t for when someone doesn’t show for work. It is.

It's not ok to call about day to day eg shift rosters.

It's imperative to call if staff do not show when expected and are uncontactable. Many reasons including living alone and being too injured to reach the phone, have a mental health episode or being injured during their transit to work. I know someone who was hit by a bus on their way to work.

Missed start time is a check in with staff to see if there's an issue. By the third unresponded contact, get a more senior person to call. Still no contact, usually 4+ hrs after expected and sufficient time to have called in, contact emergency contact. I had an incident with a contractor where the agency didn't have their emergency contact details, so a police welfare check was done - that was more like 4pm after the agency had tried to reach them as well.

You get very worried if something is out of character and you can't reach the person. I've said to my staff after that incident, all I need is a message to say "something has happened and I won't be in today." I won't harass them but I won't worry either. I have a duty of care to my staff to ensure they are safe and that includes during their commute.

But how would anyone have known about the situation without calling first?

Tell her not to!

Email your boss and state that the purpose of your mums number being shared was for emergency situations, and provide a definition of what that means to you. Note that they should contact you and leave a VN on your non working days if they wish to discuss shifts, and stop calling your parents who are left in a state of shock and worry each time they see your number calling them.

If they continue, start to go down the gdpr misuse of personal data route and raise a grievance with HR.

Massively not ok. Up to you how to handle it HR if they have it, hysterical mother ringing every hospital within 100 miles then calling manager back hyperventilating with heart pain. Seriously OP not ok.

Then be a grown up and either turn up for your shifts or if you feel you are going to be late even 5 minutes call your manager yourself. Also tell your manager they have no right to call people unless it is an emergency as that is a ridiculous breach.

Yes, if they didn't call in. Employers have a duty of care towards their employees. If someone didn't arrive at work, and no one heard from them and they weren't answering their phone, then a call to the emergency contact is justifiable.

A man at my husband's place of work didn't arrive for work. He never called in, and he wasn't answering his phone. A call to his emergency contact, altered them, that there was something wrong. This particular man had left for work in the morning, his wife waved him off, before going to work herself. He'd had a heart attack whilst riding his bicycle to work...and sadly passed away.

This!

Your boss is massively out of order for ringing your emergency contact to change your shifts or if you're slightly late. That's not what it's for and I would complain to HR about it.

However, if you don't show up to work, don't call in, and your boss has repeatedly tried to contact you for a couple of hours with no response, then it's appropriate to call your emergency contact to see if they know what's happened to you.

One of my friends lived alone. One Sunday night she had an accident in the house, couldn't reach the phone and none of her neighbours could hear her calling for help. Obviously she missed work and wasnt answering her phone. Her work didn't raise the alarm until Tuesday evening when they called for a wellness check and she was eventually found after almost 3 days. Another colleague of mine was involved in car accident on her way to work and nobody raised the alarm that she hadn't arrived. It was late in the afternoon that her mum called the office to inform us she was badly hurt and in hospital.

Since those incidents I've always made a point of ensuring someone checks on any colleagues if they no show and don't call for more than a few hours. It's not about disciplining lateness - i would just hate somebody to die or suffer life changing injuries from my lack of action.

Block her number on their phone(s).

Email her
copy in HR

Ypur mother is not to be contacted for any reason other than an emergency

how does she know your mother is not ill or in hospital?

Just tell the boss unfortunately your parents know nothing about your job so he won't get any joy there. Is he mad by the way?.

Did she used to call your partner in the same way when they were your emergency contact?

I absolutely would contact an emergency contact if they were substantially late for work and not answering their phone. Especially for team members who I believe to live alone/without another adult.

People get taken ill/fall down the stairs etc.

Obviously this doesn’t apply if they’ve called me to say they are off sick/childcare emergency. Just missing for unknown reason.

A boss did this to me when I was in my early 20s to see if I would swap a shift. I then had my mother calling me non stop as it was a WORK EMERGENCY 🙄 really pissed me off. I would not accept this now in my late 30s and would tell said boss never to do it again or I’d go to HR

This. Absolutely unacceptable.

in fact our HR will not provide Managers with addresses, DOB, or emergency contact details.

get a cheap burner phone and sim. Give this as your emergency contact and provide a name for maybe a fictitious brother or friend. Tell your boss and HR that due to your parents being harrassed by work calls to plan work when you are not at work your parents are no longer willing to be emergency contacts and this is a misuse of the purpose of emergency contacts. Give them new details. Your parents will no longer receive calls from your boss. In your phone you should have an ICE number (in case of emergency) or use the emergency details section on your phone so proper emergencies are covered.

My old boss was a monster for doing this. According to her staff (including PA's) should be available at all times and she thought nothing of ringing at weekends, evenings, holidays etc.

She rang me once. I was lying on a beach in Greece. I ignored it. My DH's phone then started ringing. He ignored it. Mine rang again, then my DH's. You get the drift.

DH finally got fed up and answered his phone to find my boss screaming down the phone at him annoyed that she couldn't get me.

The reason for her call?

She was in the office and couldn't find a file. She couldn't find a fucking file.

I was beyond furious, rang my friend who was also our Team Leader and told her in no uncertain terms that boss should not be calling me when I was on holiday unless it was a matter of life or death, and that she definitely should not be calling my DH as he was my emergency contact and his number should only be used in the event of a genuine emergency. Like the OP, I had no idea how she actually obtained had my DH's number as it was only held on my personal file as far as I was aware.

It was another reason why I decided to give up work.

Actually, its not strictly the case that tue employer has a duty of care on your commute - only if you're travelling to a business location other than that because they asked you to:

https://mertonchamber.co.uk/commuting-what-are-employers-responsible-for/

I completely agree that its good to check that someone is ok if they don't show up - but not sure that merits calling their EC - and if a business plans to use that EC number in that way, they probably need to get specific permission from the employee to do so.

Obviously just ringing to change a shift is totally out of order and as has be said it should be for contact just in emergencies. However op also said she didn't want her knowing if she wasn't going in to work which is of course fine. But why isn't op letting work know first thing at the start of her work time if she isn't able to come in. Surely that is what everyone does, then there wouldn't be a need for anyone to check on her.

Please, please change your emergency contact to a good friend. One who will deal with this nonsense firmly. Simpler to say to boss/HR that emergency number is for life or death only. He’s way out of line.

Are you sure you haven’t put the same number down as your second contact number?

When you fill in forms it often asks for your mobile and then home number.

It would make sense that they try both numbers.

If not then they are batshit and if you’ve spoken to them and they’re still doing it then I’d be sending an email and CCing in a senior member of staff.