AIBU to be annoyed my boss keeps calling my parents?

[Moaningagainn]

So since my divorce I have obviously changed my emergency contact at work. However If my boss cannot get hold of me for whatever reason (to ask if I can do a different shift) she calls my parents and I am finding it really annoying.

Oh FFS, this reminds me of this insufferable supervisor my DH used to have - (a company open 24/7.) If someone phoned in sick, or didn't turn up for their night shift, (8pm to 6am,) she would ring him (like 6-8pm,) , even when we were having a Chinese takeaway with our friends or DC, or were were having a cosy night in together with a bottle of wine and a film, or out for a meal, and demand to know why he wouldn't drop everything to come in (on one of his days off!) DH changed his phone and refused to give her his number. He never gave her an emergency contact I can't remember why. This was some 10 years ago.

So this bloody manager started messaging ME on Facebook, saying 'ask Dave to give me a ring, I need him in tonight.' (We weren't friends on there, she just hunted me down and kept messaging me.) I was quite taken aback by it and just told DH what she'd done/said. He was furious and said 'cheeky fucking cow!' he insisted I block her. I did. A week later, another message came through from a new account she had made.

I ended up deactivating my account for a few weeks to stop her. DH told her at work that she was out of order contacting me. She just said 'how the fuck am I meant to get in touch with you then?' DH said ' I turn up for my three 10 hours shifts a week, I am doing NO MORE HOURS. You don't need to contact me.'

Even now, his workplace don't have any contact number for him. It may come as a surprise to some, but your employer CANNOT demand your private contact number from you. In fact you are not legally obliged to give an emergency contact number in most cases.

You need to report this to HR @Moaningagainn

Sent her and email or text something like this.

Sarah, plesse stop contacting my mother if you cannot reach me on my day off. She's an emergency contact only. I don't want my mum stressing out thinking there's a real emergency when there isn't. If I'm unavailable to take your call, which will understandable given it's my free personal time, I will contact you when I'm available.

If that doesn't work contact HR quoting the right to disconnect.

She's a rubbish manager.

In 20 years of working, I have only contacted emergency contact twice - both cases were real emergencies.

I had this happen to me years ago at my job.
They'd call my parents - who I did not live with - for nonsense on my days off.
I tried explaining very slowly that it was the emergency number for things like me having an accident at work and I have been taken to hospital.
They (the colleagues that did this) really didn't get it. They said "well if you don't live there why is that your number?"
And I would explain yet again if I have been taken to hospital I would very much appreciate my parents knowing.
I would have to explain there was no point having my actual phone number as the emergency contact because if I am unconscious being rushed to A+E I'm not exactly going to be answering my home phone am I ?
😂

@Needmorelego Wow, some bosses/managers are thick aren't they?! 😂

Yes. I'm surprised she has access to the number without going through HR. They would be interested in knowing what she has been using the number for.

No it isn’t. Calling a number you’ve given to be used in emergencies is just that. Worrying that something has happened to a colleague is entirely different to wanting to contact them for a shift change. OP is entitled to turn off her phone on her days off unless they’re paying her to be on call.

@Moaningagainn This is inappropriate use of your emergency contact information, breach of good data‑handling practice and potentially causes your parents upset and inconvenience unnecessarily.

I would email your boss (so you have a record), bcc'ing yourself and set a boundary by saying something along the lines of "Please do not contact my emergency contact unless there is an actual emergency. For rota changes or shift swaps, leave a voicemail or send a text to my personal number as provided and I will respond when I’m available.”

Emergency contacts exist for the purpose of medical emergencies, accidents and situations where the employee cannot communicate. They are not a secondary switchboard for shift swaps, routine rota changes, "Can you come in tomorrow?”, calls on days off or anything that is not an actual emergency.
When an employer uses an emergency contact for non‑emergencies, they are potentially breaching normal HR practice, potentially breaching data protection expectations, creating unnecessary distress for the family, undermining the employee’s autonomy, and in your case, it’s especially intrusive because you are divorced, your parents may be your only support system, and now they’re being dragged into workplace admin and potentially worried you are missing!

If you are not answering, the correct process is to leave a voicemail, send a text or an email and try again later and in so doing, acknowledging you are not on duty, you are not being paid to be on-call so your boss is acting inappropriately.

If the boss does it again after this, then go to HR.

It was simply laziness sometimes.
The actual phone numbers of staff were in a file kept in the main office.
A copy of the emergency contact list was in a special folder that was in a easy to grab place that when there was a fire evacuation the fire marshall was meant to grab it.
If they wanted to contact someone on their day off they just couldn't be arsed to walk up two flights of stairs to the main office - so would just look up phones numbers in the emergency file.
I look back now (20 + years later) and laugh about their lack of common sense.

What does your mum say to her?

I think if they would, get your parents to complain too. That they aren’t your personal secretary and mention GDPR. Some places will take things much more seriously when non staff complain.

I manage a really busy team who are day to day exposed to a high level of risk and we need to be mindful of worker safety. I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve had to use an emergency contact and only for very good reason. You are entitled to your non working days, you are entitled to not answer your phone, and if you choose not to or cannot, to use your emergency contact number to try to force you into responding to a call is inappropriate, a breach of your privacy and could also be considered as harassment, given it’s clearly intended to pressure you into changing your working hours. Contacting your parents is absolutely inappropriate and this should be reported as a breach of your gdpr as you might only want emergency information shared with them. Your line manager has no right to call them for the purposes she has without your explicit consent, and again, regardless of that, you are entitled to be unreachable on your non working days, her needs does not constitute an emergency for you. In the first instance I would contact your union/and or HR if you have one and I’d be using the words grievance in my comments. You can also contact ACAS for advice. At the very least I’d email or text her stating clearly you do not give permission for her to use your emergency contact details for anything other than an emergency that involves your immediate safety and welfare, that this is is a breach of your privacy and non working time, but also extremely upsetting for your parents, who do not consent to be contacted for this reason (you can also consider stating they will block future attempts to contact them if she does not adhere to this reasonable request, and thus rendering you without an emergency contact due to her inappropriate actions). I’d clearly outline that you are entitled to non working days and by her misuse of your personal emergency contact details you feel that you are under undue pressure to interrupt your non working day entitlement to be available to be contacted, and that you have the right to reasonably refuse to respond to a call and not be coerced into a response and are also not compensated for the time on your non working days responding to her unreasonable contacts. Your managers staffing issues are not your responsibility and she has clearly massively overstepped. I’d imagine HR would resolve this fairly quickly but would suggest you put in writing the issues you’ve experienced and a clear boundary about reasonable contact going forward so this is explicit. Protect yourself.

Are you 15?

Your mum needs to tell them where to shove their total non emergency.

My last workplace used to call emergency contacts if someone was off sick.

So eg my colleague was off sick and had informed the workplace.

They would then ring her over and over. If she didn't answer, they would start ringing her husband

I wouldn't stop you going to HR as this is serious, but have you tried asking your manager not to call your parents if it is not an actual emergency?

Though maybe your manager considers sorting out shift rotas to be an emergency, in which case it is an HR issue.

This. If either of my daughters asked me to use this script, for sure I would do it. She needs to ask them to send a text.

I think you're right, but I know if my work called my mum she would be terrified of getting me in trouble if she sounded unhelpful, and if I'm honest I think I would be the same if one of my kids' managers called me.

Rather than ask her not to do it? 🤔

Reeeeaaaaadddddddd
For the love of God how hard is it.

Did you not comprehend something said?
Could you try read it again?

How is your mum dealing with these calls?

She needs to say ‘please speak to moaning directly as she is the one you employ’

If she’s not doing this you need to make it very clear to her that she is not to discuss your work with your boss.

Do you have HR? You need to speak to them about this. This is wildly inappropriate of your boss.

Bizarre behaviour and absolutely not what having an emergency contact is for.

Emergency contacts are for just that, things that either are or might be an emergency. And by emergency I don’t mean last minute requests from a client!!

It’s for if something happened to you at work such as an accident or illness, you failed to show up to work unexpectedly or went awol on your lunch break and no one could get hold of you I.e genuine concerns for welfare of an employee.

Also a “Hi, as this is listed as an emergency contact it puts me terribly on edge every time I see you calling as I assume something must have happened to my daughter. I don’t want to find myself in sheer panic when out driving or in a public place for a query about a shift swap. Please only call me if there is a welfare concern for my daughter” from your mum should do it next time she calls

would you really contact an emergency contact if somebody didn’t show up for their shift?

I agree, 100%. I also wonder if this could be argued to be a breach of confidentiality, if phoning about work patterns.

I'd hope you never fall out seriously with your parents, but there are some people who do, and for whom contact is only ever appropriate were there to be serious illness or worse.