Can’t get outdoor toys because of DHs dream garden 🙄

[LeaveTheSweetsAlone]

Sort of lighthearted?

DH has been planning his dream garden for 5 years now - since we bought this house.

Now this garden hasn’t happened because of funds - it would need levelling etc, he wants to do patio and a pergola, it’s a nice to have and not a necessity. Also we both work FT and honestly NEVER sit in the garden. It’s also super hot in this weather, no shade whatsoever so it’s not even pleasant to do the odd BBQ on a Sunday.

But guess who does use it? DC! Of course they do, it’s way more entertaining than the house. Weekends, after school, love it.

So I said to DH let’s get a little play house in there, maybe a slide, one of those proper swings. They have a trampoline but that’s now turned to shit after a few years.

He is ADAMANT we cannot put garden toys in there because the “wood is just going to rot” and “it’s just another thing to get rid of when he does the garden up nice”. THE SAME GARDEN HES BEEN DOING UP FOR FIVE YEARS NOW. As it stands it’s just a patch of grass with some pebbles. DCs love the weeds though so it’s ok.

So AIBU to put my foot down, get a parasol and some stuff for them to enjoy or respect that it’s the only space that’s ‘his’ to decide on (I’ve furnished and designed everything else and the trade off was garden was his 😂)?

Or in true MN fashion, just LTB 😂

Get stuff that isn’t permanent.

big swings can need concreting in.

a slide and parasol etc sound fine

@Octavia64 so I did get a small slide before and a water tray someone was giving away in the neighbourhood but as they outgrew it they got grubby in the rain (nowhere to really store these) and he got a reason to say no new stuff because it’ll all be wasted anyway 🙄 I wanted something with a bit more longevity

Maybe he could start saving for the kids turning 18 and him doing a big reno on the garden? Maybe a date needs set on it or a target saving amount. Until then, the garden belongs to dc. Anything you get you can pass on or as you have already done focus on getting things second hand.

Get the things you want (the kids are only little for a short time) cover with a tarpaulin over winter, tell him you'll post them on Facebook as soon as he's ready to start the garden (actually physically start, not thinking about it), job done 😃!

We bought a wooden play house for our DC when they were toddlers. They are now at uni and the playhouse is still standing and not in the least rotted.

As he hasn’t done anything with the garden yet he can redesign to fit in swings/playhouse/climbing frame or whatever.

This is what I want to do!! I want them to enjoy the garden. Surely it’s better than it just existing! Also - there’s only so many ‘pebble coffees’ I can be given before I go crazy 😂

This feels really mean. Surely the garden is for the kids? You chose to have kids so at least part of it should be designed for them!

Tbh, it’s not that the money isn’t there really. We could do it. It’s just not a priority and so the savings aren’t being used for it.

Ignore him he is being selfish

the metal climbing frames and swings from TP are not too expensive and can be moved around. We had them as kids and loved them. I went for big wooden ones for my own kids but they are actually not as good.

He can plan his precious garden around the kids a fair bit, and as they grow and their requirements and interests change it can be replanned or adapted.

He sounds rather like my DH used to be - always planning all of these major projects without the time or inclination to get on and complete them for years. Or even start them at all in most cases.

My DH didn't try to stop the kids having outdoor toys though. However, he did once try to tell our then preschooler DD1 that she couldn't ride her tricycle on the patio that he and his Dad had recently laid because her tricycle would wear the new flagstones out! 🤣🤣 He didn't live that one down for a long time and his own Dad (my lovely FIL) couldn't believe what he had just heard him say. 🤣 Fortunately DH quickly accepted how ridiculous and laughable it was.

Our trampoline and basketball hoop and other garden things get used every day. I’d take them over dh!

I think gardens are for everyone who lives in the house. If they are big enough then you can have separate areas for adults & kids, but not everyone has this and so there needs to be a compromise.
They also evolve over the years, so for a bit they will be just a space you as a couple use, then kids come along and gradually take over the garden with their toys, and then they grow up & usually leave & it's your space again.
Your kids will only be kids for such a short time. Get the play equipment, let them enjoy the garden.
My dad used part of our old metal climbing frame as an arch and has grown honeysuckle over it so the equipment needn't be wasted after they have finished using it for it's intended purpose

I've built a garden over the last years, bit by bit. I do one area, working around what is there when necessary, then move onto the next. Rather than having it all planned out in advance, I'm taking a more 'going with the flow' approach. I think this might work well for you, your budget and DH. Set it up for the kids then build the garden around it. You'll get a beautiful garden and a lovely family play garden at the same time. There's no need for it to be one or the other.

It's their house too right?

The garden isn't a fucking ornament, it should be enjoyed not looked at through the windows. Get ordering. They will have left home by the time he pulls his finger out.

I don’t know why this hit such a nerve in me. I feel like lots of men say no to stuff like this like they’re the boss. And then if anything goes wrong when you’re getting the things / doing the things they said no to then you have to take the blame! WTF? And I feel like most women just pretend they don’t see it or they don’t care? Of course the children should take priority in a space that they’re the only ones using but that’s not really the point. Who put men in charge? I hear stories like this ALL THE TIME. But when you post about men being shit loads of women say ‘not my man.’ ‘I feel sorry for you, you’re so bitter.’ But why are so many women full of little stories / complaints like this then?

Get a plastic slide that does a splashdown into the paddling pool. Its essential :-)

Ah, my husband is a bit territorial over the garden as well. I just sneak things in over the summer, let the children see them first and then he can't say no when they're all excited. Would he rather they were stuck inside on screens?

We spent a fortune on our garden the last 18 months. We have a patio / deck area that's the "grown up zone" and the grass is 90% covered in kids toys.... water table, slide, playhouse, trampoline.

When they are older, we'll just get rid and reseed.

A garden needs to work for the whole family. What's his plan... to eventually do up the garden and not let the kids play in it?

The children don’t have that many years where they want to play in the garden.

my child is unusual and gave it up exceptionally young, so I’m not sure what age to suggest, but I do have an idea.

what if you take the age when your youngest will have likely outgrown the space, the number of years between now and then, and the budget for phase 1 of the garden, and agree to put an amount aside every year that will get you to phase 1 by the time your children lose interest.

I think it's really sad and selfish that he's adamant about this. He will watch them making endless pebble coffees in a weedy patch, and not want them to have things to enjoy themselves. Kids outdoors stuff gets so well used and can provide so much fun.

Also, things can be rehomed after and not be permanent. So does he lack imagination, or is he just weirdly controlling and rigid?

Have you posted about this before? I swear I have read a similar post like this before.
Jusy bloody order some garden toys for DC, why on earth does your DH get to veto that.

Also make a little flowerbed and add some pots for DCs and start them with simple plants, some from.seed...nasturtiums, zinnias, radishes, carrots, geraniums, spring bulbs?

You could say to him, I'm going to prioritise getting the kids some garden equipment so they can enjoy the garden.
Give him a choice: you source the item, maybe second hand etc, or he does in the style he wants to incorporate into his garden designs plans afterwards (but with a deadline!)

Yes it's so selfish and if the children are old enough to have an idea of what's going on they won't forget - I'm well into middle age and still remember my dad refusing to let me keep a bike in the shed as a teen just because it was 'his' shed (there was plenty of room!). It really coloured my view of him as a person!

Get the kids a climbing frame and a slide. Before you know it they will be teenagers and not interested in the garden anymore and then he can do whatever he likes to the garden.