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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

“You will always love the mother / father of your children”

90 replies

PuppyPicker · 06/07/2026 20:21

AIBU to say this isnt true? I’ve heard it said a lot but I don’t think it’s true. What about abusive relationships or people that had a child from casual relationships / ONS. Do you think theres truth to this statement?

OP posts:
Rachelshair · 06/07/2026 21:51

No, you really won't! Who on earth would think that? How bizarre. Always stuck with them in some ways yes, but love, no absolutely not.

EarringsandLipstick · 06/07/2026 21:52

MassOfInterstellarGas · 06/07/2026 20:24

I’ve never heard anyone say this.

Same. It’s so clearly untrue (the statement) that it’s hard to believe anyone ever says it, even meaning it in a partial way.

It’s much more likely to be the opposite 🤷🏻‍♀️

JHound · 06/07/2026 21:53

CurdinHenry · 06/07/2026 21:41

The actual saying is that you always love your children no matter how you feel about the other parent.

I have never heard this either and also don’t believe it is true. I have personally seen parents treat kids differently depending on how they feel about the other parent.

Including in my own extended family.

CaptainMyCaptain · 06/07/2026 21:53

I've never heard anyone say this. It's nonsense.

EarringsandLipstick · 06/07/2026 21:55

I have heard people say that however horribly it turned out (very horribly in my case), they can’t regret meeting the father / mother of their DC.

I mean I really wish I’d never met him. But I can’t imagine my life without my children.

could you have got mixed up with this OP?

CurdinHenry · 06/07/2026 21:56

JHound · 06/07/2026 21:53

I have never heard this either and also don’t believe it is true. I have personally seen parents treat kids differently depending on how they feel about the other parent.

Including in my own extended family.

Edited

I don't believe it at all, I don't believe in automatic love for one's offspring in any situation. But it pops up in various places. Most recently cersei in game of thrones trying to convince Margaery to marry Joffrey.

Middlemarch123 · 06/07/2026 21:58

He’ll no, if I could have the same lovely kids, but without him, I would. Yeah, I know that’s impossible but hope you understand what I mean. I can be civil to him (for our adult kids sake), but I don’t even like him and avoid communication with him. His true colours have become vivid during the last year, and yes he has changed since we met twenty five years ago, and not for the better. Me now and him now, I’d have run a mile. Indifferent best sums it up.

Middlemarch123 · 06/07/2026 21:59

Autocorrect, “Hell no”

PuppyPicker · 06/07/2026 22:01

JHound · 06/07/2026 21:50

How is it common if nobody here except you has heard it?

Others have and have said so 😊 but this is one of those weird mumsnet things that everyone claims not to have heard of something I seen it on another thread.

OP posts:
PuppyPicker · 06/07/2026 22:02

EarringsandLipstick · 06/07/2026 21:55

I have heard people say that however horribly it turned out (very horribly in my case), they can’t regret meeting the father / mother of their DC.

I mean I really wish I’d never met him. But I can’t imagine my life without my children.

could you have got mixed up with this OP?

No I have the quote in front of me as it was said to me again yesterday

OP posts:
PuppyPicker · 06/07/2026 22:02

CurdinHenry · 06/07/2026 21:47

Probably because you've confused it with your one

No I haven’t

OP posts:
NormasArse · 06/07/2026 22:03

Sadly, I didn’t really love him at the time. I do love what he gave me though.

Frustratedsister · 06/07/2026 22:07

My daughters father has never met her
its safe to say i will never love the father of my child. What a terrible thought.

CampingInTheSnow · 06/07/2026 22:10

I've never heard this! My parents divorced when I was young, and nearly 40 years on they still can't bear one another 😂 I can't remember a time where they had any positive feelings towards eachother, let alone 'love'.

JoyousWriter · 06/07/2026 22:11

Absolutely not true.

I haven't spoken to or seen the father of mine for 21 years. I hated him, by the end.

JHound · 06/07/2026 22:19

CurdinHenry · 06/07/2026 21:56

I don't believe it at all, I don't believe in automatic love for one's offspring in any situation. But it pops up in various places. Most recently cersei in game of thrones trying to convince Margaery to marry Joffrey.

I mean in real life…

RaraRachael · 06/07/2026 22:21

Definitely not true in my case.

I hate my XH. He hates me.

OneNewEagle · 06/07/2026 22:24

Of course that’s not true. I was a lone parent after an horrific abusive grooming style relationship.

BlackCat14 · 06/07/2026 22:27

PuppyPicker · 06/07/2026 22:02

No I have the quote in front of me as it was said to me again yesterday

What sort of conversations do you regularly have, and with who, in order for this to be a saying you hear often?

Ive never heard anyone say it. And sorry if you think that’s “just a mumsnet thing” and I’m lying. But I’m not. Genuinely never heard anyone say it.

blythet · 06/07/2026 22:28

Nope. Not a single bit!!

Izzasaurus · 06/07/2026 22:28

Almost any saying that starts with 'you will always...' or similar is bullshit.

There is a saying that the only inevitable things in life are death and taxes, which I find pretty hard to disagree with (even those who get out of paying most types of tax surely still end up paying some at some point, even if it's just like VAT on a purchase. Perhaps some people somewhere in the world live in a sufficiently isolated or underground way to avoid it, although I bet even communities that don't pay tax in a monetary way to a formal government still have a network of obligations that people can't get out of and are functionally similar to a tax... I disgress.)

But other than that...

I think the saying you refer to is useful to some people in some contexts. For example it can be so easy to be consumed with a lot of hurt and anger after a breakup, and some people end up understandably struggling to coparent when those feelings are so powerful. There are probably some people for whom focusing on some of their ex's positives and on tu contribution they've made to the creation of shared children (even if literally only the biological one) is a useful corrective and a helpful perspective.

But not everyone loves the father / mother of their children to begin with. People who are in love fall out of it. And as you say, there are certain types of situation involving abuse for example where it might be completely underandsble and even necessary for a person's survival and for their children's safety to deliberately try to shut off any lingering loving feelings, especially if they keep pulling you back together.

So yeah, absolute rubbish to always apply it. Most sayings and 'rules' have some utility to some people, which is presumably why someone bothered to think of them and others have bothered to repeat them, but that doesn't make them useful to everyone, and it certainly doesn't make them true!

(Edit: I also wonder whether some people say this sort of thing to justify mistreating their new partners whilst remaining emotionally overinvolved with exes with whom they have children, or refusing to set consistent boundaries with exes. I reckon that's a darker potential use of the phrase.)

Idlewilder · 06/07/2026 22:29

I've never heard this said and I find it hard to believe it's "a saying". It seems so unlikely that you have heard this from more than one person or on more than one unconnected occasion.

Because - it quite clearly makes no sense at all. There are millions of parents who divorce or split up. Vast numbers of them have terrible relationships post break up. Many people regret that they have to stay in touch with their ex because they share parenting of a child.

I wonder if you might be getting mixed up with people saying they don't regret their past relationship because without it they wouldn't have their child. Which is a very different thing indeed.

50NotFat · 06/07/2026 22:34

I’ve heard it being said but my 1st ExH was, to put it bluntly, a cunt. Abusive. Hate the bastard. Second husband was my first love and I’ll always have some sort of affection for him…even though we don’t speak. It’s not love though. (Got kids with both).

PuppyPicker · 06/07/2026 22:35

BlackCat14 · 06/07/2026 22:27

What sort of conversations do you regularly have, and with who, in order for this to be a saying you hear often?

Ive never heard anyone say it. And sorry if you think that’s “just a mumsnet thing” and I’m lying. But I’m not. Genuinely never heard anyone say it.

The other times werent said to me. But im gonna bow out now as clearly only I’ve heard of this!

OP posts:
PuppyPicker · 06/07/2026 22:35

50NotFat · 06/07/2026 22:34

I’ve heard it being said but my 1st ExH was, to put it bluntly, a cunt. Abusive. Hate the bastard. Second husband was my first love and I’ll always have some sort of affection for him…even though we don’t speak. It’s not love though. (Got kids with both).

Honestly surprised because apparently only I’ve heard it it 🤷‍♀️ so bowing out rather than keep repeating myself

OP posts: