To think this isnt normal child behaviour?

[Burntoutmumm]

Please help me, im at my wits end. I had my first dc 5 years. Since I've been a sahm me and dd have always been close, I would devote everything to her and we would have constant outings. However the past couple of years have been hard and testing for me. I'm find dd increasingly hard to be around, currently writing this hiding away upstairs from her.

Dd has always been advanced and independent from a young age. She is very strong willed and hard headed. This has meant personality wise she has not been easy to deal with. However I have noticed it extends beyond her occasional hysteria breakdowns. She doesn't respond well to no and will sometimes scream, slam doors, scratch/bite, punch or kick. She's quite tall for her age and I am quite short and she can hurt me. As well a this she has gained these sort of "ticks" I would call them. Sometimes it is sniffing, or constant yawning. Recently it has manifested into crude words. She will constantly randomly shout genitalia out loud, even in public, and its so embarrassing for me.

The new thing now is this weird laughing. I noticed it the other day when we where in the supermarket. Its not a normal laughter, like a forced bhahaha kind of laugh. She did it all the way through the shops and I kept getting stared at. She has done it all today again in the shops and it has continued at home. The more she does it the more it gets under my skin and drives me crazy until I have to leave the room. I have asked her why she is laughing and she just says she doesn't know why and cant control it. Its the same with the impulsive rude word calling out. She says she doesn't even realise when she says it and doesn't know why. What started off as me thinking she was just coping rude words she learnt at school from the other kids (they all do toilet humour there) has gotten way out of control to the point now were I don't know if it's habitual or something more.

She also hair chews, horrendously. Until her hair is drenched and matted. I've bought her some chewlrey to try and help.

I miss my daughter. I'm at my wits end with her behaviour. I don't recognise or understand her anymore. I try to have talks to see if she is anxious, upset, what's going on in her mind. Most of the time she doesn't even understand herself. I'm starting to despair and wonder if this is all normal? I know young children especially can seek sensory comfort and that it isnt unheard to a certain degree but this all feels a bit much. She also has started this new thing where she will only wear the same clothes over and over again and has to wear socks to bed. Again, this is all harmless but is it just normal kid stuff and if so why am I struggle so much and feeling so distant from her because of it. Its eating away at me with the guilt.....

Many children do know the correct names for body parts, you know.

Hi yes of course. The things that stood out was how you say your child responds to no. My son has PDA which is a profile of autism and struggles with anything deemed a demand. It took years and years for me to realise that it wasn’t defiance or ‘bad behaviour’ but his brain perceiving threat as his nervous system would be in survival mode hence the meltdowns and un-regulation.
My son also had numerous ticks that came and went - more pronounced during periods of excitement or anxiety. He has grown out of these now though. He would often chew things when little and still bites his nails today which is sensory seeking. Does your DD have issues with clothing? My DS was also like a Duracell bunny at times with endless energy - which was exhausting! He would be very impulsive too and I would have to try my best to distract him if he got fixated on doing a negative behaviour. I am not a Pyschologist to assess your DD, but have undertaken so many courses over the years as well as spoken to numerous health care professionals (!) but I do suggest you speak to your GP. Keeping pushing OP as my biggest regret is not getting a diagnosis when my DS was younger (he had 2 failed referrals during primary school as he masked - his behavioural response was flight or freeze at school and fight at home which was his safe space!) Good luck and feel free to message me if you want any more advice x

Tics in children don’t necessarily means Tourette’s, but they are associated with ADHD or OCD.

The GP is the best option now.

there’s a saying “All behaviour is communication”. It may help a little to remember; your daughter is still in there, the difficult behaviour is her cry for help. She just doesn’t understand what she’s feeling or how to communicate it. I know how difficult it can be to remember that when you almost can’t recognize your own child but she’ll come back to you.

If your child is neurodivergent, they may prefer routine and predictability. That basically makes this time of year at school a nightmare for them. All the changes to routine other kids enjoy, eg sports day, tours etc, may have the opposite effect on her. Add to that she’ll just be tired by end of term, as all kids tend to be. So it wouldn’t be at all surprising if you have been seeing more extreme behaviour lately. This tends to get easier as the school years go on and they realise that these events happen every year and therefore find it less stressful.

You clearly feel there is something wrong. A bunch of strangers can’t really diagnose her though (although of course they always enjoy the opportunity).

Take her to the doctor.

look up OCD - kids get it young even though lots of people will say they don't until they're older. they do, it's just people often don't recognise it. Often at this age death anxiety can be a cause. Not saying it is that but it is something to think about.

Look up gelastic seizures - again, not diagnosing her with epilepsy! just with the uncontrolled laughter thought it is worth having a quick read and checking it doesn't ring bells https://www.epilepsy.com/what-is-epilepsy/seizure-types/gelastic-and-dacrystic-seizures

Tourrettes, obviously been mentioned already. It's the vocal tics that sound quite extreme. The sniffing etc sound quite typical for some kids (do they go away after a few weeks and get replaced with another one? and do they go away temporarily while she is distracted?

Autism and ADHD go along with all of these and separately too.

Is she happy at school? All these behaviours sound linked to stress and kids really don't say 'im having a tough time at school'. in fact often they skip out looking totally happy, because theyre now with you and feeling safe. if she spent all her time with you and is now at school that is a huge change. 6 hours for a kid of that age is so long. as she's masking at school too, that is interesting. See how the summer holidays go - if by the end of 6 weeks those behaviours have toned right down but when she goes back they ramp back up again you have a good clue if she's not really feeling that emotionally safe there.

eta what does the doctor think? and what does chat gpt or whatnot suggest?

If I were a mother, I wouldn't be posting online, and certainly not this many issues! Get her to a GP now or go by yourself and describe what's happening. Sounds like she needs medication or medical intervention, but none of us can tell you.

Id set up a hidden camera at home to record ticks. Take it to the gp and get them to look at it.

I really feel this. I am really struggling with my autistic son’s behaviour at the moment and I feel like I’ve lost him. I miss him. I miss the bond we had. I feel so much guilt for not being able to be the mother he needs. And I too hide from him at times, I have to to try and cling on to any last remaining piece of sanity I might have left. So when you say ‘I miss her’, I really feel that.

Some of what you are describing sounds very much like Tourette Syndrome. Often Autism/ADHD can run with Tourettes, but not always.

It's entirely possible your daughter is masking her behaviour at school, which is why the school haven't noticed anything.

You need to make a GP appointment asap.

I think as many others have described, none of what you are describing is normal Or average behaviour for 5yr old.

you need to speak to both the school and your GO fairly quickly to get the ball rolling for her.

you need to focus on advocating for her now when she can’t describe herself what’s going on and she can’t ask for help. Write it all down and take it with you when you speak with them and follow through.

How old are you? This sounds like something my incredibly SEND-ignorant mother in her 80s might say.

Hi. I would definitely explore PDA. My daughter has it - it is quite hard to get it formally diagnosed but she was diagnosed twice with it so I am pretty familiar with it and believe that pda parenting strategies could really help you even while you wait for her to be seen.

There are some pda kids who are exceptionally "good" at school - often they are just keeping their heads down and doing no work, but if they aren't causing problems in class, they can sail under the radar for several years. It wasn't until year 4 that school started to realise.

They try so hard at school to be good that it all spills out with you.

The sensory issues you mention are classic autistic spectrum and pda is a type of autism.

It can seem daunting at first but main thing is to understand her needs and work out how flexible you can be really eg clothes. Also read up on pda strategies. It's really all anxiety based and can be helped by keeping her anxiety low.

She sounds ND and the tics could develop into Tourette’s - reach out for help!

PANDA as a way in - PDA Society https://share.google/Vs98OjjDYpQsM0RN3 here are some strategies you could try.