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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this isnt normal child behaviour?

66 replies

Burntoutmumm · 06/07/2026 18:13

Please help me, im at my wits end. I had my first dc 5 years. Since I've been a sahm me and dd have always been close, I would devote everything to her and we would have constant outings. However the past couple of years have been hard and testing for me. I'm find dd increasingly hard to be around, currently writing this hiding away upstairs from her.

Dd has always been advanced and independent from a young age. She is very strong willed and hard headed. This has meant personality wise she has not been easy to deal with. However I have noticed it extends beyond her occasional hysteria breakdowns. She doesn't respond well to no and will sometimes scream, slam doors, scratch/bite, punch or kick. She's quite tall for her age and I am quite short and she can hurt me. As well a this she has gained these sort of "ticks" I would call them. Sometimes it is sniffing, or constant yawning. Recently it has manifested into crude words. She will constantly randomly shout genitalia out loud, even in public, and its so embarrassing for me.

The new thing now is this weird laughing. I noticed it the other day when we where in the supermarket. Its not a normal laughter, like a forced bhahaha kind of laugh. She did it all the way through the shops and I kept getting stared at. She has done it all today again in the shops and it has continued at home. The more she does it the more it gets under my skin and drives me crazy until I have to leave the room. I have asked her why she is laughing and she just says she doesn't know why and cant control it. Its the same with the impulsive rude word calling out. She says she doesn't even realise when she says it and doesn't know why. What started off as me thinking she was just coping rude words she learnt at school from the other kids (they all do toilet humour there) has gotten way out of control to the point now were I don't know if it's habitual or something more.

She also hair chews, horrendously. Until her hair is drenched and matted. I've bought her some chewlrey to try and help.

I miss my daughter. I'm at my wits end with her behaviour. I don't recognise or understand her anymore. I try to have talks to see if she is anxious, upset, what's going on in her mind. Most of the time she doesn't even understand herself. I'm starting to despair and wonder if this is all normal? I know young children especially can seek sensory comfort and that it isnt unheard to a certain degree but this all feels a bit much. She also has started this new thing where she will only wear the same clothes over and over again and has to wear socks to bed. Again, this is all harmless but is it just normal kid stuff and if so why am I struggle so much and feeling so distant from her because of it. Its eating away at me with the guilt.....

OP posts:
Mischance · 06/07/2026 18:17

Make a list of the problems and then take her to the GP. How is she at school?

Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2026 18:18

No. None of that is typical and some could be medically quite concerning.

Take her to the doctor and do not minimise your worries.

Bishbashbush · 06/07/2026 18:18

That sounds really concerning and difficult to deal with. Does your daughter go to school? Has she attended nursery? Have you visited a GP with her?

Burntoutmumm · 06/07/2026 18:19

@Mischance she is as good as gold at her school. Its like she saves up all this behaviour for when she is at home and then unleashes all her compulsion and erratic energy.

Its so incredibly overwhelming and over stimulating for me.

Some days are much worse than others. Also I've noticed she seems to be constantly exhausted, recently falling asleep on the way back from school in the car. Its like school drains her.

OP posts:
Burntoutmumm · 06/07/2026 18:21

@Bishbashbush been to pre school and primary. No concerns. Always positive things to say at parents evening

OP posts:
GinWizard · 06/07/2026 18:23

The ticks and shouting out sound like it could be tourettes. She needs to be seen by a doctor. Do you have a partner to support you? This sounds incredibly difficult.

Seawolves · 06/07/2026 18:23

Do you think she might mask at school? It's not uncommon for children with a neurodiversity to mask.

Elsvieta · 06/07/2026 18:25

Sounds very like tourette's - well, some of it at least. Don't delay on the doctor.

Theworldsgonemadagain · 06/07/2026 18:26

Tics are common in young children. My son used to do the sniffing one and a snorting thing. They lasted a few weeks then went and sometimes came back again. He used to do those when he was concentrating on something.He does the shouting out thing and I agree it can be embarrassing, he will shout something like 'my mum is gay' out of nowhere. His new one is 'Chinese men' (?!) I ignore them and they do go away he's 8 now and he doesn't do the sniffing. He does jump and and down when playing the computer game no matter how much I say sit down. So yes tics can be normal and go away on their own but it could be a concern so maybe take videos and go to the gp for some reassurance if you are worried. My son does have boughts of anger and can be quite emotional when he's upset, throwing things ect but he is getting better as he's getting older. I do suspect he's got adhd as my brother had it and I see a lot of similaritys but Im not concerned at this stage and not are school. How is your dd at school? The hurting you is not good op, sorry you are going through this stress.

Bigtrapeze · 06/07/2026 18:28

Elsvieta · 06/07/2026 18:25

Sounds very like tourette's - well, some of it at least. Don't delay on the doctor.

This. It might also be worth alerting school to your concerns. If she is trying to suppress this through a school day she will be exhausted by the time she gets home and they will be able to support her if alerted. I can imagine it would be very frightening for both of you not to know exactly what this is. I think you would benefit from a paediatrician. Good luck.

Ponoka7 · 06/07/2026 18:28

How has she learnt the rude words?

Waheymum · 06/07/2026 18:28

My first thought is maybe autism? Definitely worth talking to the GP or school SENCo. Keep a diary of her behaviour as well.

CombatBarbie · 06/07/2026 18:29

Shes either masking SEN/Autism or shes spoilt. I don't mean to sound harsh but its something you need to think about. Labels are handed out so easily these days without the knowledge of how she was brought up.

JLou08 · 06/07/2026 18:32

A 5yo not knowing if they're anxious and what is on their mind is completely normal, I'd lay off them big chats, they probably just cause more anxiety.
The other stuff, if it happens at school, does warrant a referral for assessment. You should speak to the SENCO at school.
It does sound a bit like a friendship rather than mother and child, the way you talk about missing her and that you were always out and together. Try and encourage independent play and play with other children. Keep firm with routine and boundaries, not doing causes children anxiety and can cause some of the behaviours you've mentioned.

Onmytod24 · 06/07/2026 18:36

Is it just you and her when she’s not at school? If so try making more play dates or joining groups? Perhaps things are too intense with just the two of you

Burntoutmumm · 06/07/2026 18:48

@Onmytod24 she has siblings so uts not just us 1 on 1

OP posts:
Monty36 · 06/07/2026 18:49

I knew someone who as a child shocked their parents as he was considered disruptive at school. But was as good as gold at home. They were fairly strict at home. And school was easier going.

I wonder if school is comparatively strict and you are easy going ? Nobody should be hiding from their child.

I would certainly speak to the GP though.

Burntoutmumm · 06/07/2026 18:49

@JLou08 when I say I miss her I don't mean it as in the rine we spend but more so that her behaviour is making feel feel distant and detached with her since I find myself unable to tolerate it or enjoy her anymore

OP posts:
Snufkin88 · 06/07/2026 18:50

Children do go through phases of bad behaviour I think but some of this does sound concerning . Some of the responses on this thread are just wild . There is no evidence from your post that she is spoiled or you have done anything wrong. It sounds like you are worried so best thing is to talk to the gp about all your concerns and see what they say. They might refer to a paediatrician.

Burntoutmumm · 06/07/2026 18:52

@Theworldsgonemadagain see this is what im struggling with, the constant debate if this is normal or not. Even on here the jury seems divided

OP posts:
MrSchubertWhiskers · 06/07/2026 18:53

I agree it sounds like she needs an assessment for tourettes and possibly neurodivergence too.

Have you looked up pathological demand avoidance? There's lots of info out there about parenting a child with PDA traits that you might find helpful (note- I'm not saying she has PDA, just that the techniques might help).

Monty36 · 06/07/2026 18:54

Judging from the remarks, most do not think this behaviour is normal OP.
Possible reasons as to why have differed. But not normal no.
Do go to the GP.

FleshLiabilities · 06/07/2026 18:54

Ponoka7 · 06/07/2026 18:28

How has she learnt the rude words?

From the OP...

"Its the same with the impulsive rude word calling out. She says she doesn't even realise when she says it and doesn't know why. What started off as me thinking she was just coping (sic) rude words she learnt at school from the other kids (they all do toilet humour there)

MrSchubertWhiskers · 06/07/2026 18:54

Burntoutmumm · 06/07/2026 18:52

@Theworldsgonemadagain see this is what im struggling with, the constant debate if this is normal or not. Even on here the jury seems divided

Request an assessment, if she's behaving "normally" then they will confirm that, if not then you don't delay getting the help & support you both need.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 06/07/2026 18:57

Ponoka7 · 06/07/2026 18:28

How has she learnt the rude words?

Gosh, yes, because that's the priority here... 🙄

Just as PP have said, your daughter needs to see the GP and they will refer her to the appropriate services. Also speak to her school.

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