AIBU to wonder why strangers always seem to approach me?

[NotTodayPhyllis]

I am just curious wondering if this happens to other people or if I just give off a certain vibe…

Every time I’m walking somewhere or in my town centre or for example the gym or supermarket I get approached by strangers.

I get asked for directions fairly often when people must have GPS on their phone and there are other people around, I went for a walk last week and was stopped twice.

I’m in my town centre today just doing a bit of shopping and so far I’ve had the following:

I stopped to put some shopping in a bag on a bench and a woman in her 80’s has been telling me her life story.
I kept saying I had to go and she kept talking and I felt guilty because she must be lonely so I ended up sat with her for 20 minutes.

I went to a cafe for a drink and sat at an empty table. There were loads of tables free but a woman with her two kids sat next to me and started chatting. She asked if I had children and when I said no her kids asked me over and over why I didn’t until I joked and said I eat children and one started crying which was so awkward,

I’ve been asked directions twice despite town being full of people,

A man asked me where my trainers were from (who knows why?!) and he started asking me loads of questions as well about myself and I kept saying again I had to go but he wouldn’t stop talking until I said I was late for an appointment and now I’m hoping I don’t run into him again.

I’m ND and not very comfortable talking to strangers and when they ask questions I know the polite thing is to ask questions back but I never know what to say or ask.
I often get people sitting next to me on trains or buses with other seats free and I’m not exaggerating when I say this happens all the time. I think it must be unusual but maybe some people will post saying they have similar experiences.

I’m average looking except for being very short (4’9) and I don’t think I come across as that approachable because I’m so shy, I avoid eye contact when I’m out and about.

I’m currently in therapy to work on my self esteem and being a people pleaser and terrified of confrontation so I’ve brought it up before because I end up stuck in conversations I feel guilty ending.
My therapist thinks my height makes me look unthreatening and so people are happy to come and chat and I can understand that for something like directions but not for a man to ask about my children’s size 1 trainers!

I wondered if it happens to anyone else and if anyone has any theories why?
My DP said I must just have “one of those faces” but I don’t know what that means 😂.

you probably give off a vibe of someone who is safe and approachable.
i would only ever go up to individuals i feel would be friendly and polite and willing to help.

Wear earphones. Even with no music on. Them you can ignore people and pretend you didn't realise they were speaking to you.

My friend has the friendly vibe and is always stuck chatting to random people.

I must have a resting bitch face/ spiky vibe as I have a completely different experience.

I get older people talking to me too, I think it’s loneliness rather than a vibe you’re giving.

I’m short too, so people often sit next to me so they can spread out, knowing the bus/train will shortly be occupied and they’ll have to share with someone, or because I’m in a forward facing seat which some value.

It’s possible the trainer guy was hitting on you, hence the random compliment.

Don’t feel obliged to give people your time. I’ve seen others get approached and I confess they’re much better than me at cutting a conversation dead, whilst I’ll be polite and people take that as a cue to talk more.

Work on your RBF.

Telling a kid you eat children is hilarious OP 😆

I’m a wheelchair user and if I am on my own, minding my own business I get people asking me if I’m okay or if I need help all the time. It’s very frustrating, especially if I’m just sitting in my chair waiting for someone or just passing time. I appreciate people are trying to be nice but I feel othered and would rather people didn’t. The one time I did need help and asked someone I got rudely shunned.

I know someone who is like you described she simply attracts quite needy people. A homeless man followed us around Home Bargains once asking to be bought things and she went along with it.

I'm 56 and this still happens to me. Everywhere I go, a stranger trauma dumps on me - I'm very plain, and definitely don't stand out in a crowd! I've learned to just accept it over the years, look at it as if you just give off an approachable vibe.

I used to get approached all the time by strangers. I also used to be a chronic people pleaser. When I stopped being apeople pleaser, strangers also stopped approachingme. Must be some vibe or even pheromone we give off, or don't.

I don't look particularly friendly i am not "jolly" or anything, but i get this maybe I look safe and inoffensive and being a woman people might assume "we" are approachable, not that i mind social interaction is a good thing imo.

My dds put earphones in and ignore people that is probably the answer!

Yes, I have experiences I regularly get stopped by people asking me for direction, take photos of them or just start chatting particularly on a train or bus. It is annoying as sometimes I just want to look out the window and daydream.

I second what another PP said. Get some big, visible headphones and wear them all the time!

Oh i am also.short maybe that is non threatening, not a particularly people pleaser though i am able to brush people off if they are being pushy or irritating.

@Balloonhearts suggestion is perfect. I would add, carry yourself with a determined busyness - you have somewhere to be and won't be distracted kind of thing. If you need to use a bench to pack a bag where there is a lonely old soul sitting, smack your stuff around while muttering filthy words. Someone wants to sit at your table rather than any of the many unoccupied ones, just say you are waiting for friends who will be sitting there soon. Or release a big sigh, say for fucks sake, get up and move to one of the empty table. Or wait till they've finished speaking and say how pleased you are to have met them and that you would like to talk to them about Jesus our Saviour. Damn, I wish I was as approachable as you are, I would have so much fun.

Some people just have approachable faces.

I get random strangers talking to me and so does my Mum.

The key thing you have to learn is how to say “goodbye”. It’s really easy:

”It’s been nice meeting you but I must go now” and then immediately walk away

You don’t need permission from strangers to leave.

Regarding the child you could have said “that’s not a polite question”

You can say anything you like to a stranger if you use a polite tone and a smile.

I get the same thing, even when I’m travelling in other countries I often get asked for directions or help when I don’t have a bloody clue! I’m also short so maybe that actually is the reason.

I try my best to look unfriendly but I don’t think it’s working 😂

She asked if I had children and when I said no her kids asked me over and over why I didn’t until I joked and said I eat children and one started crying which was so awkward

Well there’s one person who won’t ever approach you again! 😄

Humans are social animals. Loneliness is more dangerous than smoking, so they're subconsciously protecting you both.
Are you southern? Look at that clip about a northerner who talks to people-the southerners act like he's a deranged weirdo for daring to speak to people-he thinks it's weird people don't talk to each other. Some of my mum's best friends were originally stranger, and she really does have "one of those faces" and has helped so many people over the years.

They approach me too.
Always have done.
I dont mind.

I am also short. Never thought that might be the reason.

Yes... This.

I used to get caught with the person who wouldn't stop talking /trauma dumping... Even though it was clear I didn't want to chat...

The only way is YOU making the break... Is that the time,! I must go! And give a cheery wave...

Removing yourself rapidly but politely from boring conversations is a skill that must be learned.

Also, are you making eye contact a lot? I've found that I can make chuggers (and random men) ignore me completely by staring firmly away from them.

Think of it as saving their time too.

YANBU OP. I get approached a lot, especially when older people want an item off a high shelf in the supermarket! I like to think it means I’m approachable.

It means you look soft, gentle and non threatening so people think its unlikely you'll be rude, aggressive or dangerous.

I am frequently asked for directions, both at home and abroad. I put it down to being an older woman, therefore appear unthreatening. Unfortunately, I have an absolutely terrible sense of direction and could get lost in my own back garden.

I am quite tall, but am always the person that women,men,old and young approach. This could be for a chat, to ask for directions, or even bizarrely, on quite a few occasions, to be told that seeing my face has brightened their day!
My sister's growing up, my DH and now my DC find it annoying and baffling as I am not a particularly friendly person.
I am naturally interested in strangers and I genuinely tend to like people upon meeting them but, usually after about 3 meetings, people go off me and simultaneously I begin to like them less.
I made sure to choose a career where initial impressions were important and I don't need to maintain the relationship.