To not go on holiday with them?

[40goingon14]

I was always a slightly nervous flyer but it wasn’t until we had a very scary turbulent landing when I was pregnant with my eldest that my fear of flying really kicked in. I flew a couple of times in the first couple of years after he was born but had awful panic attacks during the flight embarrassing myself and then thanks to COVID, pregnancy and being able to avoid it I haven’t flown since, which I think has made the phobia even bigger.

My husband and 2 children really want to go to Spain during the summer holidays. If I could click my fingers and be there I would in a heartbeat, but the thought of the flight makes me feel sick and sweaty. I just don’t know what to do. DH says he will take them alone if I don’t want to go.

what do I do?

Ferry?

I'd try a cbt based fear of flying course, and possibly ask the gp for diazepam.

Phobias are horrible, but restricting your family from holidays is also not ideal.

@Jewelanemone I suggested that but DH just says it’ll take too long to drive etc 😔 in his head it’s they are going and I do or don’t go with them. He probably would do another holiday going on the channel tunnel or whatever but he’s got it in his head he wants to fly to either Majorca or menorca for some reason

it is possible to take the train to Spain - look up the 'man in seat 61' website.

but do try a phobia course first - phobias are very fixable if you want to get it fixed.

Imagine yourself home alone whilst your husband and kids are in Spain.

How would you feel? Would you feel sad? If so, go.

I used to have a really bad fear of flying when I was younger, and would have panic attacks. But I’ve realised the fear is just totally irrational. I was always scared of crashing.

I’ve been in 3 car crashes.
I’ve been in 0 plane crashes.

I know countless people who have been in car crashes.
I don’t know a single person who has been in a plane crash.

The only way you truly conquer a fear is by facing it. There’s no other way.

Speak to your GP, maybe they can prescribe you something.

@StompythedinosaurIt’s not even the thought of the plane going down I know how unlikely that is etc it’s turbulence itself I don’t like, and the thought of being trapped in there until it lands. It’s not like a car or train where you know you can soon get off. I had diazapam last time I flew.

Take a few CBD gummies just before you go through security.

Then a large wine.

Tell DH he's in charge of everyone and everything.

Earbuds in for music/podcast on plane, eyes closed.

Do you want your DH to not go? Or would you be fine them going without you?

Ok my post has been hidden and it wasnt even anything crazy... ill try again

Take a couple of "herbal alternative therapy" gummies before security
A large glass of wine

Tell dh hes in charge of everything/anything
Earpods in close eyes get through next few hours

https://youtube.com/shorts/9Mfl7gTlQ3c?is=LJrQLgHSe986ERAL

This YouTube vid explains turbulence. It’s just feeling the pressure changes. There’s nothing dangerous about it.

@TTCbabynumber22025 I don’t mind him and the kids going without me (I suppose I’d enjoy the peace!) but I just feel sad to miss out on memories purely because of my anxiety about flying.

@parietal that’s interesting!

@WishYouHaha I wondered why it was hidden! 😅 I have got some CBD oil which I like and I do get given diazapam from my GP as and when I request it due to general anxiety (usually I only get 7 once every 3 months if that) so I’m pretty sure they would put me some through. I just know sometimes if my anxiety is that bad it can block out the effect if you know what I mean.

Take yourself to the GP. There are good talking therapies for specific phobias like fear of flying. But they can discuss taking a sedative to help you cope with the flight. As long as your husband can cope looking after the kids and possibly you being a bit off your head, it’s a workable strategy.
But, long term, definitely look into talking therapies for phobias. They have a very high success rate for permanently dealing with the problem.

I think you need to face your fears. Turbulence, as far as I know, won’t hurt you.

Fast forward to when your DC are adults. What if they want to get married abroad, would you be happy to miss the wedding or knowing they couldn’t do what they’d like to do because you won’t fly?

You could try hypnotherapy?

Hypnosis

it’s amazing

Can you go by Eurostar to Paris and then get another train ?

I think this is good advice. You sit separately from the rest of the family, and do what you need to do to get through it.

I think having kids with you makes fear of flying worse as you have to stay so present. I used to be very scared of flying, now just a bit nervous (don’t asked me how that changed as I don’t know!). I like to just shut my eyes and go to sleep on a plane so I’m not thinking about it!

I think it’s fair of your dh to insist your kids don’t miss out on these experiences. Up to you whether you can go with him, but it would be a shame to confront your phobia later and look back on years of missing out. I’d book the flights, regard it as a done deal, and work hard at addressing the phobia. You won’t regret it, and you will regret not doing it. As you said yourself, avoiding flights has just made it worse, go to a laser games type flight simulator and amp up to a realistic one, but also get professional help not just cannabis.

Easyjet do fearless flyer courses: https://www.fearlessflyer.easyjet.com/

He could compromise a lot more. Even mainland Spain you could go by boat or train.

I feel for you. I don't like turbulence either. I am not frightened of the plane crashing. I understand the logic. I am not even travel sick (although I don't like being hemmed in with other people when they are alarmed, frightened or sick). I realise that I am unreasonable, and that other people will not understand. I have been on maybe 200 flights, of which 95% were perfectly OK, maybe even more. And even of the 5%, 2.5 % were just bumpy at times. And yes, 2.5% were probably everyone's nightmare (aborted landings, landing in storms etc.). Fears / phobias are not rational. I have not sought help (although I definitely think it would be worth you exploring with some of the other suggestions PP have made, also I think drugs could help). Also explore what YOU could do (nothing wrong with setting out earlier and going by train etc. to meet OH and DC there - and they would need to meet you halfway with this, i.e not deliberately fly to an Island). Things that have helped me a) exposure (hard to do, but the more you do it the easier it becomes b) risk - yeah, you are always going to have an outlier, but choosing to fly into the most difficult airports at difficult times of the year is asking for it (e.g Madeira in March) c) prep / choice - my favourite airline is actually Ryanair - reason, they allow you to change seats (for free, or for the price difference on the seat ) up to 2 hours before the flight, and it is ludicrously easy on the app. Obviously if it is a busy plane, then there are no options, but often parts of the plane are often emptier, full rows are empty, and we often move seats exactly 2 hours and 5 minutes before so we get an aisle and a window, with a seat between us, and in a quieter part of the plane, it hugely helps. d) I sometimes double headphone, ear buds, and over ear, just to cut out some of the noise. I can't usually sleep as I am too nervous, but at least you are in your own bubble. e) Always have water to sip - because fear makes your mouth dry. Look, it isn't easy to overcome, and don't let others minimise it, everyone is frightened of something, and there are plenty who do not enjoy flying. Good luck with whatever you do xxx

Alan Carr fear of flying book, it's wonderful

I also hate flying but have had to for work. BA do a great book called Flying with Confidence. They have a course too but it's expensive. The book made me feel way better and I re-read regularly.