To not go on holiday with them?

[40goingon14]

I was always a slightly nervous flyer but it wasn’t until we had a very scary turbulent landing when I was pregnant with my eldest that my fear of flying really kicked in. I flew a couple of times in the first couple of years after he was born but had awful panic attacks during the flight embarrassing myself and then thanks to COVID, pregnancy and being able to avoid it I haven’t flown since, which I think has made the phobia even bigger.

My husband and 2 children really want to go to Spain during the summer holidays. If I could click my fingers and be there I would in a heartbeat, but the thought of the flight makes me feel sick and sweaty. I just don’t know what to do. DH says he will take them alone if I don’t want to go.

what do I do?

My daughter did one of the online courses and it really helped her - she's flown on her own and to Australia since doing it. She was extremely nervous before.

I have a terrible fear if flying … Diazepam, 2 glasses of wine, headphones in as soon as I board playing some hypnosis, eye mask on - I am asleep before we take off

GPs aren’t allowed to prescribe Diazepam for flying so if you ask don’t say it’s for flying. I had a phobia of flying which meant I didn’t fly for over 20 years (apparently it’s really common for mothers in older age!) I just kept missing out on some really big events so pushed myself to go. Best advice I got was from here and that was to imagine the airplane was a car and any turbulence is like a car driving over a cobbled road. Weird I know but helped massively

Diazepan sorted me. My fear evolved from fear of flying (crashing) to a fear of panicking when flying. I dreaded the racing heart, shaking and general freaking out.

Diazepan stopped all the physical affects which in turn stopped my fear of flying. I still hate the take off stage but probably no more anxious that half of the other people on the flight.

Edit to add it was my NHS Scotland GP who prescribed it - enough for a practice at home plus 4 flights.

Diazepam. I’ve been prescribed it for every flight in my adult life. Made an appt with my GP to bring it up a couple of months ago in advance of the holiday and the first thing she said was “no”. They’ve been told they can’t prescribe it for fear of flying but then she said that she would for me keeping it on the down low as if it was for my mental health conditions. I got it, I used it and we had a fantastic holiday.

Ferry is a lovely way to travel, and it's part of the holiday. You get to bring the car and however much you fancy, and then load up with favorites, so many positives.
It's also only 1 extra night each side so not a huge amount.

The reason you don't know anyone who's been in an air crash is because nearly all of them are dead.

A psychologist once told me that fear of flying is normal as were never meant to fly!
Let your family fly and you join them by high speed train.
Pat yourself on the back that you are more economical friendly.

Eco ... not economical ...

I’m the same OP but you HAVE to go. It is a 2 hour flight. Have a prosecco at the airport and another on the flight and just get through it. You really do have to push through. I’ve had diazepam and propranolol for flying before too, I know it’s so awful feeling like that but you can’t miss these memories with your kids x

I would get help, for sure.

For this summer (as it's basically here) I'd take the train. Many people choose to do this for environmental reasons now and it makes it into a bit more of an adventure. You could also do the flying + drugs route if the train is prohibitively expensive (as I understand, it's more expensive than flying, but you should check).

Then I would look into either CBT (as suggested) or a fear of flying course. You need to get on top of this so it doesn't hold you and your family back

If diazepam isn't working for anxiety, and it didn't for me with stage fright, ask for Propranolol instead. I only take it as and when necessary (which includes dentists visits!) but it works a treat for me.
I get your fear, however, I do think DH is being rather selfish on this. You can make memories in your own back garden/country/wherever, without having to fly anywhere. Good luck with it all

If none of the above is appealing book a Mediterranean cruise!

We once got a bus from home, and train from the midlands through St P and then to Paris and then to Lyon and we were at the holiday apartment by 4pm.

You could definitely do train and be there the first evening, depending on where is Spain you are planning on going.

I get this. I was on a turbulent flight home from the US shortly after 9.11 and it freaked me out. The reactions of other passengers were awful - some cried, a couple screamed. It was generally horrible.

Of course in reality we were all safe. But I was left feeling really frightened and my next few flights were unpleasant. Not as bad as yours, I didn’t have a full blown panic attack. But I totally get why you would.

Over the years, the fear has dissipated. And now I’m anxious but not terrified.

Do you think you could manage a short Uk flight first to get yourself over it? Go alone, explain to the cabin crew as you get on so they can help if you feel like you’re in trouble.

Also I would try some self- hypnotherapy and some breathing exercises - to teach yourself how to calm down. I would try visualisation - imagine how you felt about flying before you had the fear. You didn’t have this fear before, so most of your fear now is just a memory /shadow of that one episode.

I agree with pps that you need to be completely distracted. A brilliant romcom, a weepy movie, a thriller, a soundtrack that gets you jigging and a good book.

My mum was very frightened of flying and would be drugged up and on the brandy at whatever time of the day she was flying. She overcame it with hypnotherapy. ( she had a medical / therapeutic background herself so not at all “woo” ). You could start somewhere like this website to try and identify someone locally. I don’t know anything about the professional qualifications in this area of treatment but I dare say it’s easy enough to research.

www.hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk/service/fear-of-flying.html?msclkid=76897d21906b1c54f7c5176acaca1ed3&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Topics&utm_term=fear%20of%20flying%20hypnotherapy&utm_content=Flying

Could he travel with them seperately and you get the ferry or train? Even if he's on his own with them for a bit?

Bollocks to ferries, get the Eurostar to Paris and a TGV from Paris to Barcelona. DH can book somewhere round Barcelona.

Altho I’m not impressed DH won’t drive. We used to drive to Italy as kids and the journey across France & Switzerland staying the night at different places along the way was part of the fun.

Have you ever driven on cobbled, bumpy or roads full of potholes? Turbulence is the equivalent for a 'plane.
Having said that, pilots do have weather radars and will avoid if possible, as well as going through regular and extensive simulator training for all eventualities - they want to reach their destination & get home again, too! (OH a pilot).
Howevern I have heard good things about the courses offered by airlines, so worth investigating.
My mother was never a keen flyer, but ended up doing multiple long-haul flights into her 80s, although I suspect a medicinal whisky or two may have been consumed ;-)

The kids loved the ferry to Santander/Bilbao - part of the holiday! Northern Spain is fabulous with amazing beaches!

Hypnotherapy - try it!

The more people afraid of flying the better for the environment - pop on the TGV and leave hubby to do what he wants.

If someone told me I had to travel in a room full of spiders to get to Spain, or stand on the roof terrace of a sky scraper, I'd not go either. So I completely get the feeling. I also get that it's not something you can be rationalised out of, or can overcome by 'being brave'.
However, my phobias are things I can avoid without too much impact on my life, so i dont bother trying to manage them, i just avoid them.
And I think that's the acid test of whether it's 'ok' to use avoidance rather try to overcome or manage the phobia, how life limiting it is. Only you can answer that.

The fuck you on about? 🤣

You realise the people who have been/died in plane crashed will have had friends/family/colleagues that knew them.